Cld has his own thread and I've copied and pasted his posting as well as a Rouky's and his response back to her on his thread. It's a topic that others may be interested in and since he posed the question, I thought it best to address it on his thread.
Many of Mr. Bond's threads, as well as other vets, have been purged over the years. The Board comes along at least once a year and purges the system of older threads. We went through a purge this time last year and many of us had to scramble to either save our threads or recreate them in order to have them remain here. So, if you can't locate all of Mr. Bond's threads, that is the reason, i.e., purging the system.
I just want to say that Mr. Bond came here, did the necessary work on himself and listened to the advice, suggestions, etc. that the posters offered up. He let go, dropped the rope and continued moving forward w/his life. He allowed his wife the time and space she needed and she eventually realized that Mr. Bond was not the problem.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Where is his current thread? You are telling me he is out of the woods now and his family is perfect? He hasn't even updated his signature in 5 years, and I should listen to him? I don't think so. I am listening to you, job, to Irish, to qt4, to the guy that came up with the "chaos child" explanation that I am not allowed to name here, to MWD and most importantly I am listening to my instinct.
No problem Mr. Bond. I see your post count and agree that people with high post counts must be doing something right to be here so long, and still helping others.
OR they just like to talk.
Actually I think it is safe to say that people with a high post count are the ones who feel the desire to give back to a place that they feel has helped them, no matter what form that help came in.
How are you doing today Huddy?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I'm taking this posting as well as my response over to your thread to avoid this continuous hijacking of Huddy's thread.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bit of a shite day at work and this week looks like being one to forget! Anyway, W has brought over the kids today for their tea and they have just gone.
W left some pictures here when she declared herself homeless and my D wanted to take them with her (they are pictures from Frozen - let it go!). W resisted as she said 'let's just leave them here a while longer', but my D was getting upset about them, so I thought it was best she took them. It'll give her something good to look at before her bed.
Off to the bath. Time for me!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Right now you're doing well in your sitch. Like I told my kids when my W was going through her MLC, there is nothing we can do to control mom. BUT we CAN choose to control what WE do. So we would go out and have the best time of our lives. I took them to places my W would never have agreed to. I started really engaging and learned new skills that the kids and I could share together. And we went exploring. It actually made me realize how much I was missing out on.
When my W would say or do something that would hurt myself or the kids, I immediately put my foot down and told her how things were going to be rather than letting her drive the train. She started to re-establish respect for me after that.
Think of your W as like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum. They will push your buttons and try to see what they will get away with. But you lay the groundwork with consequences and follow through so that if they break those rules, they can see you're not someone to disrespect.
Hang in there.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Yes, that was right. W wanted to leave them here, whilst D wanted to look at them back in her bedroom. As D was getting upset, I thought it was best that she took them.
Hi Mr Bond
It's a bit sad when people don't want to get practical advice, but hey-ho, I do, so thanks for looking in.
I took the kids on holiday, on my own this summer. Planes, trains, buses, quite a long way, especially with my S's autism. I did doubt myself if I could cope, but I just went for it. Some of it was stressful, but we had such a good time. W's reaction was to have a tantrum when my D told her nice stories.
I do find it encouraging when people say I'm 'doing well' as I have up and down days. This work at week is going to be hell, and I miss having somebody to talk to and get compassion off.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
I always viewed, and you are free to view as you wish, little things like that as little guide lines back. So to me a good sign.
Now, a good sign, doesn't mean its over or even close, they are just better signs than packing everything up and never talking to you again. To me its things like that that sort of point to them being confused.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
It's a bit sad when people don't want to get practical advice, but hey-ho, I do, so thanks for looking in.
Can only stick a dog's nose in poo-poo so many times before it bites you.
I can't believe I have to say poo-poo instead of [censored]. Sometimes profanity has a point. (digress)
Huddy I think you are doing well, I think that you have a lot of positives going for you. That being said, everyone here is in there own personal minefield. While I think you are in a good position, you still have to navigate your way through it.
Do what works, but don't be afraid to try new things if you are tired of the status quo or want to see change...I guarantee that if you try new things you will see change...however the good changes will be slow to notice, and the bad changes will be fast like a razor blade tornado.
Trying new tactics will mean that you possibly takes several steps back along your path if the generated change was a bad one, and maybe a half a step forward if it was a good one.
Too vague?
Sorry. I have no for examples exactly, except a bad one, and for anyone reading this...don't do this.
An R talk is frowned upon here. But if enough time has gone by and you're careful, who knows? I say that with a large ammount of warning. I say that only if you guys are getting along better and you're willing to risk some of your progress. IF the clues in your spouse and how you are getting along indicate that you, with logic driving and not emotion can try it.
Like I said a bad example of trying something risky.
Examples less risky?
A simple goodnight text.
Something different, usually something nice.
Though something different can also be a boundary. But use those sparingly, especially if you have been accused of being controlling.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
