I'm sorry about your hip. Maybe the man upstairs is trying to turn your focus from your h on to you and your hip. I do hope you are feeling better this evening.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Lol, it was agony, it's happened b4, I had an accident when I was 18 and the operation resulted in a weak hip. Sometimes it just gives way and it's like a nerve is trapped. It is a lot better today although I can still feel a twinge.
Wanted to speak to someone today so rang the Samaritans . Interestingly I spoke to a man who's wife had done the same thing. Left, told him she didn't love him, moved in with om, then 2 years later she wanted to come back. He didn't take her back. But he said its common that they want to come back....more so than you think....but that I needed to have a life and be prepared for my response if/when that day happened. I said that I didn't think he'd ever want to come back now he has ow. He said she's nothing......I am everything , his history, the mother of his children, his wife.....and there may be a point he twigs this as many do.
It was reassuring...not that I'm thinking it will definitely happen but it was interesting to hear from someone who it had happened to
Mia, I'm glad you spoke to someone. What he told you is the same advice, comments/suggestions we give here. The ow is nothing but a crutch, a distraction to keep him from focusing on his issues and healing. Trust me, she's nothing but a band aid.
At some point, they do think about wanting to return. Some do and some don't. Those that don't may have: 1) thought about coming back but their pride and the necessary hard work has kept them from reaching out and wanting to reconcile; 2) some will suggest reconciling and the spouse has opted not to do so and has moved on; and 3) some think about it, but are still stuck and don't know how to exit the crisis and remain there for the rest of their lives.
For those who do wish to reconcile w/the spouse, they will need to work hard to earn your trust and be transparent in what they are doing, this may include email, cell phone and text messages, FB pages, etc. If you allow them to just waltz right back in w/o doing the hard, necessary work, the reconciliation will not work. If your h does decide to reconcile, I would suggest that you start out dating for a while and then finally moving back in together. The first thing to remember is you have to learn to be friends again. Both of you will have changed and your lives have been changed forever, so it's a new friendship, new relationship and you can't go back to your old ways because it's a brand new relationship.
I do hope that if you are given the opportunity to reconcile that you will take it slowly and not rush the process. For now, keep the focus on you and your children. Anything is possible if you have faith in yourself and the man upstairs.
Thanks job, I don't think he wants to return now but I suspect strongly that he is missing the kids like mad. The reality of his situation I can't imagine is not living up to what he imagined.
Even the move this weekend , suggests to me someone who is not settled. He's says he has moved nearer the kids but tbh he is still miles away. I imagine there was a massive compromise between him and ow there.
Anyway first day back at work after the hols and first day I'm allowing my youngest to walk to school with his friends eek
Mia it sounds like he is turning into a nut job, but you should not let that change your perception either way. Don't feel sorry for him, as job said you cannot get through to him now. Maybe remind him of the ways that he is able to contact you if needed, just a gentle reminder? Not sure why you would need to actually tell a grown up man about the difference between leaving random messages and emergencies but hey ho, that's what we need to put up with.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
I know Esame . His responses are bizarre. Saying he didn't remember paying off credit card. Completely ignoring my request only a week after I asked. Sounds desperate to me.
There s a bit of me that is a bit worried about him as he seems so off the rails. Denies doing things he has obviously done......his refusal to cough up financially.
I had to buy our oldest a new laptop and I asked him to contribute half , he said he'd wished I'd discussed it with him. What ? Like you discussed walking, like you discuss the fact that you have money for. Me and are spending it on your new life rather than pay off your debts.ridiculous.
And the moving again.....seriously not right in the head....this behaviour is so not a 'normal, affair. I think my solicitor is right is actions and need to control are the signs of a desperate man. I think he is unraveling.
There is nothing normal about MLC. They forget things all of the time. Him refusing to cough up financially is all symptoms of MLC. As for discussing the purchase of a new laptop for your oldest...what was he going to say? I'll give you some money when I find some? He's just using lip service to tone things done a bit. I seriously doubt that he would have coughed up some money for the laptop. He now knows about the purchase and he can still give you at least half of the funds for it...but will he? I doubt it.
You will see more and more odd behavior as he walks the MLC path. All of what you posted is very typical behavior.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He hasn't gone mad...he's depressed and is looking for change. They continue to look for change so that they will feel better. Once they find something different, the euphoria of that particular change will be short lived because they discover it's not working any longer and then they go seeking for change again.
To us, they appear to be mad, but they truly aren't. They aren't thinking rationally because of the emotions that are running wild. They think that they are just fine, while we see the irrational behavior and shake our heads...but this "madness" will settle down in due time...but it has to run its course.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't know. The things I say on this forum......does it sound like he is in crisis?
I still find it hard to comprehend that h has done what he has......and not only what he's done but how he did it. It goes against everything he was. His whole nature.
