Congratulations for your new house. When are you free so I can pop round for a drink and bring you some home made cakes? :-).
I understand how you feel about SS as it's a reminder of your XH, on the other hand you have been part of his life for 13 years so I think it'd be hard for him not to be in touch with you. I'm still in touch with SD (not regularly, but still here as I was introduced to her very early on in my relationship with her dad).
I admire you for all your accomplishments and I know in no time your garden will take shape!
As for NG, I don't have any advice just enjoy his texts and company when you see him. No expectations😀.
Brava, Sotto! So glad you are settling in well and things are going happily along for you.
If I may, I would like to comment on the SS part. As you know from my sitch, I have 3 SDs from my marriage to XH. Fortunately, all 3 are adults and there is no worrying about having to actually see him to see them, but it is hard to separate them from him completely. As Rouky said above, they are a reminder of him. I urge you, though, to embrace your relationship with SS apart from XH. I have done this with the girls and I'm so glad I have a place in their lives still.
Cheers to the new place and all the good going on in your life.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Sotto congrats on the new house and on becoming a trainee facilitator for your support group. It all sounds great, especially your busy social life, keep that up! I have no real advice on the SS situation, but I guess it is normal to feel awkward so soon after the D? Maybe as time passes and you all heal your relationship will be more beneficial for SS and you? Best of luck with it all xxx
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Rouky, you are welcome any time. Dawn, I agree it is important to invest in the R and Esame, thanks for your support..
SS and I had a lovely visit. He scraped though his exams and was disappointed in his grades. But they were good enough for him to take his next planned step. They are important exams, but he hasn't actually told his Dad his grades, just given him a general....I got 8 qualifications grade A-C. He said he didn't want to have to deal with a lecture from his Dad just now.
I was pleased with myself because I managed to ask nothing about XH. I made my guiding principle to put SS first and really start to see our R as separate to the M. I told SS about our good friend who starts chemotherapy this week. He didn't know (XH doesn't keep in touch with her) and was upset - said he'll contact her direct to wish her well. He and his Mum still plan to move to the US in a couple of years and he said he'll be sad to move so far from me, but whether he'll feel the same about his Dad is debatable. It's sad and he seems pretty negative about XH just now. Seems to know that XH just isn't really there for him and doesn't have much to offer him...
Otherwise, I'm doing okay. A bit of a mixed time as I have a sore back and want to do some house stuff but don't want to push it and feeling a little frustrated. Plus I had an exchange with a new (bossy) neighbour who collared me and wanted me to take on a job in our communal courtyard. We have a gardener and there's no real need to take on jobs, but some people choose to. But the interaction has led me to withdraw a little and not meet new neighbours as readily as I normally would. I know I need to overcome that and establish myself more here.
Hope everyone is having a good long weekend. Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Whatever is done in love is done with a good heart. It was tough seeing SS although each time you do I believe it will get easier.
I think the reason will be you are building a new history with new memories of SS. SS gets older and more aware that history will become more important. Connections like this when done with care and love build and grow.
I am sending you some healing rainbows.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I'm glad you had a good visit with SS. Well done for not asking SS for any any news / info regarding xH, it would have been counterproductive and also it could have been uncomfortable for SS.
I hope shout back is better by now, be patient with yourself you are doing great.
(((Hugs)))
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Thanks V and Esame. Yes, as time goes on it is easier to see SS as a separate person to XH and he and I build some new memories. When he came, we had a nice chat about some of the books we read together at bed time (I always used to do the reading) and how much he loved them. That was nice. I would have loved to ask if OW made the trip to the US to spend time with XH's family, but I managed not to - pats self on back.
Visited a physio friend last week who told me I have a wonky pelvis (SI joint) - not back at all! I now have some exercises and strategies to manage it. Seems it is a misalignment issue and treatable with some further sessions too - progress!
Saw NG last week. I've retreated a little with the texting and he doesn't really initiate if I don't. But in person, he was very warm and asking me Q's about some stuff we'd texted about. I'll see him later this week I think. We'll see. He did come up with a classic line of 'I'd give you a kiss, but I've been eating tomato soup.' (He's never suggested kissing me before!) That one made me chuckle a little to myself afterwards..
Otherwise, I'm doing a little decorating and generally getting sorted. Enjoying being able to choose what I like and planning a little housewarming party for my divorce group chums.
I don't think of XH all that much. I still shake my head a little sometimes - in a 'did that really happen to me' kind of way, but generally I'm not in much pain about it. Have I completely moved on. I guess a part of me would still like for him to turn back and then ours would be a sitch where there was regret. But I think that's more from a perspective of validating me than me actually wanting us to be together again.
I signed up for a borrow my dog scheme and had a chat with someone I know about walking their lovely dog sometimes. I'm also toying with the idea of 'rock choir' this Autumn, but that may be one GAL item too far....we'll see...
Anyway, that's it from me for now and hugs to you all xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Sotto, Great to hear the update from you. I think you are wise to evaluate and determine if what you wanted was to really r or if it was just validation. How many of us would have been able to recognize that subtlety when we first arrived here? Probably slim to none.
I love the fact that you are looking to do some dog walking! I find so much joy in watching dogs... They have such funny personalities! And rock choir sounds really interesting, too!
Enjoy the rest of your week. Be well!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Thanks Feyth & Hi all. I lurk and post a little but don't feel there's a great deal to update. Been busy settling in to the house and doing some decorating. It's a nice place to live and is starting to get a little of the Sotto style.
Been busy at work. Boss and I had a chat today. He's been trying to talk me into a promotion and a few more hours. I have some trepidation, but agreed to give it a go!
Still in touch with NG and still like him and find him a little frustrating too. He always seems warm and initiates in person - and responds to my weekly or so texts to say Hi - but then doesn't really initiate anything otherwise.
So, I juggle a bit of frustration along with feeling it's good for me to wait anyway - a year after D is a good plan etc..I feel maybe I initiate a little too much and could do with sitting back a little more. Have I not learned the art of patience yet?
Still salsa-ing and yoga-ing, stuff with friends, bookstore etc etc...and generally feel positive about life and pretty grounded. Not heard from XH at all and he doesn't really get much of my headspace either. Just the odd thing that reminds me of him and the odd bit of rumination.
We've been nominated for some awards at work, so I'm invited to a posh frock dinner in a few weeks, should be nice. Next D group will also start in a month or so, where I think I'll be shadowing other facilitators - should be interesting.
Any ways - that's it from me for now and thanks for reading xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
able to keep.focus on you and not give xH any of your precious head space - Check!
GAL, GAL, GAL - Check!!!
having enough love for yourself to accept that no effort from someone is not good enough for you, to let NG be and not go piNing for someone who does not see all you have to offer. I am glad you are taking this slow!!! oh ya- Check
I hope you have a great weekend, good luck if you decide you want to pursue the promotion.
