Okay, now I understand about the communication. When you told him not to call on that...in his mind, he took it to heart and then some. As for your children's phones...any old excuse not to do the proper thing. I agree about the boundary setting for the children's phones, etc.
They tend to spout that they are done...but that's in their heads and they are trying to convince you and everyone else, especially themselves. Mine spouted he was done for a long time and when he discovered that I was separating out the bank accounts, removing him from my credit cards and removing myself from his, to protect myself financially, he finally filed...but he didn't do the heavy work because he failed to do the interrogatories, he failed to provide other financial data, etc. I made darn sure I had my ducks in a row even though he filed.
Mia, some of them say this stuff and either drag their feet filing or they don't do a thing about it. The question you have to ask yourself is this...do you want to continue moving forward and leave him out there a while longer or do you want to actually divorce him. Do you want to file? I don't think it's going to change him and the way he's behaving if you file...then again he could become far worse in his behavior. But, that's my opinion.
If you've not read wishing/hoping's threads, you might want to do so. Her postings may help you better navigate your situation and offer up some ideas on how to deal w/your runaway husband.
Whatever you decide to do, do it when you are calm. Anger tends to make us say and do things that we later regret.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't want a divorce not for me or the kids. He is behaving in the most ridiculous way. Even the way he responds to things like taking the landline phone literally is bizarre. The way he says he hasn't done something when he has .....bizarre.
I did get angry with him yesterday as I find his reasoning so frustrating. If I file it is me who has to pay and I'm not letting him off that easy
Most LBS wait it out for a while No reason to file unless you want or need to
MLC takes time and as time goes on you will get more information of where H is at Some of them turn around In the mean time, we can work on healing ourselves Becoming the best we can be Work with kindness/compassion toward H, while at the same time totally protecting yourself and your assets and the kids There is no way to stop him or the crises
Hang in It will get better in time
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I'm going to provide you with her current thread. Each thread should have the link to the previous one. Also, you can locate postings by 1) left clicking on the poster's name and you'll get a drop down of postings; 2) go to the top of the forum and click on the "Search" button and type in the poster's name and the final way 3) got the bottom of the screen, on the left hand side is "Display Options", change the "Show Topics" to "From All dates" hit enter and then you have access to all threads way, way back in time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It is normal to feel angry and hurt much of what they are doing makes little sense to us or anyone else
But if it is truly a real crises--they are trying to find a way to feel good without really solving their problem internally or going to therapy to solve it-
They run in replay to find a new way to feel good, but they really can't fix themselves that way..but many do seem to spin for a while trying
WE can only work on us and hopefully provide a positive example for our kids and our MLCer but mostly for ourselves..we change for the better for us--
Hang in..Job has some great suggestions and Wishing's thread will also help you
take care and try to enjoy the weekend
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Mia, his moving has nothing to do with you. Try and take yourself out of the equation. What are you doing to help yourself move forward and build a new life? What activities are you planning for yourself? What improvements are you addressing in your life?
Take the focus off your H and put it on you!
There are craft stores in my area that offer free classes, do you have this too?
What classes/groups does your library offer?
Are there any trivia nights at bars in your area?
Ever thought about running a marathon?
Do you go to church? Any groups that do volunteer work?
Ever thought about a second job?
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Stop focusing on him and what he's doing. His moving around is not a form of emotional or mental abuse...it's just moving. They do this. Why? Because they want change, rent is too high, location is not good or just to be closer to the children or they move further away to be w/the op. Change is what they are seeking and right now, he's not thinking about you.
Mia, you have to understand that is this journey he's on is all about HIM, not YOU. He needs to grow up and in order to do so, he's got to face some issues, resolve them, etc., before that can take place. He's got to do this and you weren't part of his past life, so you can't participate in helping him through that period of his life. You have to be the strong parent right now and be there for your children. I know you are angry w/him, but the anger isn't going to help him. Take the anger and use it to move forward. Take that anger and apply it to some task that you absolutely hate to do and use it.
I don't want to see you get stuck and continue to churn your wheels in the muck. Look around your area and see if there are some free activities that you and your children can do. It's a way of meeting people and who knows, you just might make some new friends that you and the children came spend time with.
Keep the focus on you! Don't allow his move to ruin your weekend...it's just a move.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It's back to work on Monday so no time for 2nd job. Sorry just having a bad morning. Have a dodgy hip and really clicked it badly this morning so walking is agony at mo so feeling sorry for myself
