Cherry, h is filing. Working on me

[Cherry]

You've not missed a great lot to be honest phoebe. But thank you for the drive by

Had a very productive day, but very tired now. It was great to finally be able to announce to everyone that I was pregnant, and wear clothes that aren't super baggy to disguise my bump. There's a lot of guys I know who think very highly of me who work close to h. They gave me be congrats, and where surprised h hadn't told them- they said they would pass their congrats on when they see him. It was all super awkward tbh, but I was not ready to start telling everyone the ins and out of my MR. Besides, if he finds it uncomfortable that's his own issue.

What does irritate me is the fact he completely ignores me. It's like I'm not even in a room. He will chat happily to everyone else, his mom, neighbours, whoever. But me, he point blank ignores. It ignores me because I just feel it's a complete and utter disrespect. I don't know wether to just tell him that it grates on me and I do not like that level of disrespect. Or do I leave it and leave him?

[Coly23]

Hi Cherry, so glad you can have a bit of happiness announcing your pregnancy to everyone. I wish maternity clothes were as nice 16 years ago as the are now! Have fun shopping, you will look gorgeous!!

I would love to be a fly on the wall when H's friends find out how he is treating his pregnant wife! I think that's when it will all hit the fan!

[Cherry]

My mum tells me that, she tells me when she was pregnant it was all smocks. Tbh I was very fortunate with my first, I was mainly all bump so a size up from normal clothes would fit. But trousers and things are way comfier with the bump bands, and topshop do a great line, so my style shall not be compromised so far so good, a neat little bump and still in my normal clothes.

Me too, a lot of these guys are family guys telling fond stories of their wives and kids. Others are single guys, who tell him he's on to a good thing and he's done well to get me. It's a bit shallow, but I know these guys are fond of me, so I know that when the truth comes out they won't be high giving him and condoning the behaviour. They will more likely ask him what the eff he is playing at.

But this isn't really my issue. I certainly was not prepared to keep my happy need to myself. I'm overjoyed to be carrying this baby, so I'm bursting with pride. I did well at holding my head up high and cracking on with my workload. I did feel like walking past ow with my head held high. But, again, the rumour mill shall take care. I've just got to keep me smiling and happy and these precious babies of mine happy.

Even though his silent treatment is bugging the hell out of me

[Surfer]

Cherry,

He know the disrespect grates. I had exactly the same when we lived together. I think it's guilt, not being able to stand the pressure of what they have done. They blame you as they can't blame themselves. i.e. I hate you for making me look like a leper. Really they should be saying I am causing all this. But they can't. It's a bit like if you are I. A job you hate you always blame the job when you leave. Perhaps they just want to blame you - because they resent the mess they are in (yet they caused it).

So he know the disrespect is there. You can't tell someone you hate them, etc without feeling it. But it's the sitch. He created it. He needs to see it.

You just do exactly what you are doing and stay as detached and happy as you are. Try and get a bit more fun with S and friends - or go shopping g for a car!

Occupy your mind, keep it off what he is thinking, doing. What others might think etc. If you are just kind and happy you will be seen as that. If you stress and worry you will react and it will be used against you.

Just keep going! You are doing so well. We are all proud of you!

Surfer.

[Cherry]

Thanks surfer. I resisted telling him. As I thought what will it achieve. I've told him before that I hate the disrespect, strangers are treated better by him. His friends certainly are. But it's as though I mean nothing.

Like you say, I guess it's the guilt. And the knowledge that they are putting us through pain. When he is in a spew fest he justifies this behaviour saying "I look at you and I just feel trapped". And if I'm on an angry day, I may just point the door out to him. I have a few things lined up for the next few days to keep me entertained, I'll see my best gf at the weekend, that's always nice. She never uses my anger to play the devils advocate of "oh just leave him". She just makes sure I am okay and have a smile on my face.

I shall do some car reviewing. It's not an absolute urgency right now but sometime soon. Then as the weeks go by, it will be shopping for baby things and rearranging my furniture so I can fit a crib in again.

H has been to view properties today. He complained to his mum how expensive they are. His problem. He has never lived alone before and has never been responsible for bills etc before. So let's see how he feels about expenses when he has to pay his cable bill, gas and electric, water, council tax, broadband, child Maintainance. Everything we have is because we have both worked hard TOGETHER. Life alone is expensive. But this is his path. His journey. His circus

[Surfer]

I've told him before that I hate the disrespect, strangers are treated better by him. His friends certainly are. But it's as though I mean nothing.


This is what happens. But oddly, he may have felt this from you originally. My W, would be the nicest person to the gas man, or charity lady at the door. Almost on purpose. I asked her if she felt normally like that (nice) she said no, she normally felt how she was with me ans she was trying to put on a brave face. I didn't buy it. She also used to say I treated her terribly but was lovely to everyone else. OK - I might not have been listening when she nagged and moaned, but that's not abnormal - not helpful, but. She always was everything. Her and the kids. I have told her this but it's ultimately about what you show.

Yesterday when ranting, I validated saying I understand. She said "I have herd all this before - what is different", I said ultimately talk is cheap but I understand that you felt I distanced (to some degree I can understand this - not wanting to talk a lot in the evening when I get home, I didn't block, I just wanted a bit of space every now and then). I understand what distancing is. In fact I understand so much about relationship dynamics about what you are going through from things I have ready and listened to over the past couple of years or so. I also said, this is just talk though and you have to see change. I get that." What I didn't say is you are not coming back as you are though. I just left it all there.

H has been to view properties today. He complained to his mum how expensive they are. His problem. He has never lived alone before and has never been responsible for bills etc before. So let's see how he feels about expenses when he has to pay his cable bill, gas and electric, water, council tax, broadband, child Maintainance.

You are right. This will hit him financially. Depends on what he does and how he can gear up his earnings to feel as comfortable as before. If he can do that, he will most likely not feel financial pain but will feel the pain of his choices - leaving a cracking girl and lovely kids. The thing that will show him this will be the OW - when she turns into the nag and seeing you shining like a lighthouse. So my advice is this, don't focus on giving him pain (that's her job - and she will), focus on showing him you - the most perfect version of you (none of us are truly perfect - get as near as you can). You will flare in anger - but keep it controlled.

BTW that friend sounds perfect. Stick with her, the ones that don't get involved and are just there to listen and smile. Great.

Keep going your are doing great.

Surfer.

[maybs]

H has been to view properties today. He complained to his mum how expensive they are. His problem. He has never lived alone before and has never been responsible for bills etc before. So let's see how he feels about expenses when he has to pay his cable bill, gas and electric, water, council tax, broadband, child Maintainance. Everything we have is because we have both worked hard TOGETHER. Life alone is expensive. But this is his path. His journey. His circus

First of all, I admire how you are handling yourself with such dignity and grace.

Second of all, the financial aspect is interesting and it does hit some harder than others. I know for my W all she does is complain and say things like "how were we even surviving!?!" She clearly doesn't understand how much a second income helps and now that she's on her own it's a struggle. But as you say, that's their journey.

I really do admire you and enjoy keeping updated on your sitch.

[Cherry]

Thanks surfer. The silences were something he would do in the m, especially after work. When I would ask him about it, he would just say that he can be himself in front of me. I don't know how much of this is truth.

Yeah you're right, I have no doubt she wil start to show her true colours and give him some grief! I highly doubt there is any way he can ramp his income up to what would match my salary, so he is going to feel the financial strain. He may also realise that living on your own isn't all that, the novelty of peace and quiet wears off extremely fast. And I can't imagine not seeing my child in the mornings and night time.

Thanks for the support and drive by maybs. I know, it's as though they have just blocked out all the hard work it took to get there. It took me and wh years to be able to afford nice cars, house and be comfortable. He has forgot the struggle that was involved in all of this, but we worked together like a couple should do.

[Surfer]

Cherry,

They are blind to reality. That's all I can add.

Very sad.

Surfer.

[Phoebe]

It's all about them now, and their own self-absorption. WH and I saved and scrimped for decades to be able to have the security we have now, yet he is perfectly happy to throw it away piecemeal to a herd of lawyers, on trips, on whatever strikes his fancy at the moment, with no regard to how long it took to get here. Never mind that he's willing to spend half of our total savings just to buy his way out of our M! My frugal, financially responsible H was abducted by aliens, who left behind this WH shell as some kind of stand-in.

Hang in there Miss Cherry! It is definitely his loss and he is a fool. He's not the man you married, that's for certain.