I am worried about our finances. For those who have read my original post I am a stay at home dad and my wife has a good paying job. We bought a house a couple of months ago and used a lot of our savings for a down payment. We were not worried at the time because she has a bonus coming in September that would get most of that down payment back.
Here is my problem. This past month I have been watching what I spend. I haven't really spent anything on myself (less that $50). Most of my expenses have been for the house and kids. My W has spent a bunch of money at Victoria's Secret (not sure how much), she got her hair done (probably around $250) and she has got a tattoo (no idea how much but probably not cheap). These are expenses that I know of but there are probably others. She is basically spending like she always does. We also had a major car expense at the beginning of the month (over $1000). I'm wondering if I need to say something to her? Well, I know something needs to be done but I don't know what. If we end up getting a D, then we need all the money we can get.
I'm thinking I might need to talk to a lawyer about all of this. She has always been a free spender (one of our issues), and I have always complained to her about it. I complained less as she kept getting raises and promotions, but I am worried that she might make us go broke. I could get joint accounts but I currently don't have any income and as long as she wants to keep the living arrangements and responsibilities the same then I won't be able to get a job. I'm not really sure what to do, but I'm thinking of talking to a lawyer.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
I have the joint account that we share as long as she doesn't drain it. I have some money saved that she doesn't know about. My parents actually have it and it would be enough to get me started.
If we end up going through a D, I have already decided that the kids will need to go to daycare (which she does not want) and I will get a job. Then once I have a job, the kids and I will move out.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
I have the joint account that we share as long as she doesn't drain it. I have some money saved that she doesn't know about. My parents actually have it and it would be enough to get me started.
If we end up going through a D, I have already decided that the kids will need to go to daycare (which she does not want) and I will get a job. Then once I have a job, the kids and I will move out.
I know she fears paying me alimony/child support. I think that is one of the reasons she has come up with her wacky idea of me continuing to live with her and raise the kids even after a divorce.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
W gets home at 8:30 tonight. She went to gym after work and didn't let us know. As I said before I don't care, but my sons ask about their mom and I can't tell them when she will be home. I am getting so frustrated because she is getting home so late and I would like to do something for myself some night. I would just like to get out of the house for an hour or so and relax, but when she gets home so late it's pointless. I need to get out this weekend and do something. She asked me if I was doing anything this weekend and I told I had some things I wanted to do (I didn't tell her what). I asked her if she had plans and she said no. So I have to get out of the house or I will be stuck with her all weekend.
More ranting...She sets on the couch and texted the OM after she gets home with our kids sitting right next to her. This drove me crazy. So much disrespect. All of us were in the room but she doesn't care. I saw her smiling as she was texting him and that made me sick too. I know I've read that she is supposed to be confused or depressed but she sure looks happy to me. If she keeps her current attitude I don't see this ever ending. One lighter moment did occur. My S6 took the phone from my W because he wanted to see something on one of her apps. When I saw this I went over and asked him what he was looking at. I could sense the anxiety in my W with my son holding her phone. She tried to get it back a couple of times and I was just waiting for a text from the OM to pop up but it didn't happen.
Final rant. I mentioned earlier that my mother told my sister what was happening and my sister posted a nasty remark on facebook about my W (without actually naming names). I texted my mom today to ask why she told my sister and then she wrote a nasty text back to me about how I deserve my W and all of this other stuff. My mom called me selfish and self centered. It was a nasty text. I tried to call my mom later, but she didn't answer her phone. Then when my W got home she told me my sister and mom blocked her on facebook and my sister wrote another nasty text about my W. My W knows I had nothing to do with this and I apologized but I don't need this stress in my life now too. I never should have told my mom. I know better, but I was looking for someone to talk too after I found out what was going on and in a moment of weakness I called her. I made the comment to my W that she probably wouldn't see my mom or Sister for a long time anyway and she commented back that she would probably never see them again because we would be divorced.
Sorry for the rant, but I didn't have anybody to tell this too and it feels good typing this up before bed. Helps me release some tension.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
Ok, I might have screwed up but I just told my W everything I know. I did it calmly and I told her I love her and I just wanted her to get better. I told her I wasn't going to try to stop her affair but I loved her and she needs help.
I think what made me say something was that I asked about her work bonus and she said all I care about is money. She then said the money should be all hers anyway since all I do is raise the kids. She also criticized me in other ways too. I told her I was going to bed but then I went back into her room and told her what I knew. She didn't say anything, but she was stunned. She asked how I knew and I told her cell phone records. I guess we will see how she takes this. I have a bad feeling she is going to be angry and may go for the divorce. I guess we will find out. I actually feel better though. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I truly hope she will get help and if that means we are not together then so be it.
Also, most of my talk with her was about the kids. I told her they need her and she hasn't been around for them. I told her if she doesn't get help then her relationship with them could be ruined.
I don't think I will bring it up anymore though. I think I will actually try to avoid her for awhile. Although that may be hard living in the same house.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
I read your 7:39 PM post in the park where I was with my kids. I was thinking of a reply on the walk home. Got the kiddos into pajamas and then sat down to reply. Now this! Let us know what happens.
You just stirred the pot. I wonder if she'll go dark for a couple of days before responding. Best of luck, brother.
M: 49, W: 45 T: 22 M: 15 S14, S11, S9 BD: Jan '16 W files: Oct '16 D final: June '18
Thanks. I think I finally just had enough of texting with the kids around. I just can't deal with that. I can deal with her texting while she is away or even the other stuff, but not texting next to my kids. It was probably seeing her smile tonight while she was texting with my boy sitting next to her that pushed me over the edge.
This is scary though because she is so impulsive. I think I am going to go no contact the best I can for awhile. We have been getting along fine for the last few weeks but I have a feeling that is about to change.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
