Well - that didn't take long to get through the 4th thread - far too fast in fact. Unfortunately my "and now we wait" thread got consumed with me (yet again) arguing with people who were wanting to repeat messages that they didn't feel I was hearing.
I know that most people use a consistent title on their threads for continuity. As people who've followed me here will know - I'm not "most people". I am in a fashion "still waiting" but chose the title for this new thread based on a thread I have over in MLC where Jack_Three_Beans has been very kind and also gifted me with this title and perhaps a direction for this part of my journey.
Hopefully this thread will be conflict and troll free (I know some billy goats) and we can travel together on my journey while I look around for my old carrot cake recipe.
To summarize briefly beyond what my sig line says, my W is currently living about 3 blocks away from me right now having moved out a bit over a month ago to "get away from the noise" and make up her mind. I have no clue at all as to the details of what she's up to other than that the A continues and she still sees some of the friends that were enabling her in it. Rumour has it that she is stressed and struggling. Reality is that I'm stressed and struggling but trying to put a brave face on it to the world. I've been essentially non-communication with her since she left letting her travel her own path while I try to find mine.
So gather round and watch me try to put my own cake batter together. It's been about 15 years since I last made my own carrot cake and the nicest kid in the room will get to lick the icing bowl clean.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Ironic that she's trying to get away from the noise when the biggest noise in her head is the A.
Same w/ my W -- if the siren call of affairs would stop in her head, she'd be in a much better place.
By the way, Esther Perel's March 2015 Ted Talk, "Rethinking Infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved," does a good job of explaining the drive for and the allure of an affair.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Thing is the problems are wherever they are. And the painful part is that we just have to let them figure this out for themselves, and hope that they do just that. My wh says he looks at me and he just "feels trapped" (gee thanks).
Ps, dibs on the icing- I'm growing a human! :P
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
By the way, Esther Perel's March 2015 Ted Talk, "Rethinking Infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved," does a good job of explaining the drive for and the allure of an affair.
Interesting "Stay is the new shame". She's got that right. I "so" wish I could share this with W - but I can't.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
My wh says he looks at me and he just "feels trapped" (gee thanks).
Sorry to be a broken record about Esther Perel but I believe she talks about this ... feeling trapped is not a reflection of who YOU are, but it's a reflection of your WH's desires and longings. It's about what HE WANTS. And in most cases he wants both closeness (i.e. you) and distance (i.e., the mystery that an affair brings).
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
My wh says he looks at me and he just "feels trapped" (gee thanks).
Cherry,
I think what's happening is your baby is telepathically sending messages to your husband's brain. The kid feels trapped. I hate to think what's going to happen to your husband when your water breaks.
I'd suggest wrapping aluminum foil around your belly. Your husband will probably return to normal in a few days.
DearForGump, I went over and viewed the Ted talk and really got a lot out of it . Thanks for the recommendation !
W-57,H-55 Married-32 years 3 kids S-30,S-28,D-25 EA / PA ? June 2015 Walked out ,moved in with OW 10/2015 moves back 1/2016 still in love with OW and moves out July 2016
So gather round and watch me try to put my own cake batter together. It's been about 15 years since I last made my own carrot cake and the nicest kid in the room will get to lick the icing bowl clean.
I have been following your threads. I'm not sure if I've ever posted because I never know what to say to help.
I will say one thing, I HAVE to learn how to make carrot cake. I know what you're saying is a metaphor, but it's by far my favorite kind of cake, and from what I gather it really isn't a "cake" in the traditional sense.
Okay, enough with derailing the thread.
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
