I might try to get back into jiu jitsu... Im a bit of a hobby addict. Something the W always bugged me about. I would love to get some more time out fishing, but TIME is something I don't have a lot of. Would like to get out to go shooting more often, ride my quad, explore the area i moved into a year ago...
OK I've decided I'm going to start basic. I have a number of books downloaded besides my purchased DB and DR paperbacks.
Instead of plopping down in front of the TV in the evening after farm chores, I am going to spend an hour or two reading all of these "self-help" books.
I would say that is a nice 180 from my usual stuff?
Just remember not to read only self help books. We can really get ourselves stuck in the situation very easily...
I have read your threads and I have to say that you seem pretty solid emotionally considering the things you have transitioned through in your life.
I do have a few questions.
Does you being transgender or your W identifing as "queer" (I think that is what you said) really have a lot of bearing on this situation?
I will tell you that I googled cisgender and queer and I don't really think I have a great grasp on the definitions.
I am by no means trying to be judgemental, I watched one of my son's friends, come out to his parents in his early teens and they threw him out. I could never understand how a parent could do that (even if they might prefer the situation be different).
I guess what I am saying is that for me, especially after watching what I watched, a person is a person, regardless of all of that. So if it is important information, could you please help me understand it better?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I am by no means offended! Honestly, I think all the labels are overdone anyway...but we have to be able to describe ourselves to others as most people think in labels to begin with.
Cisgender is apparently the politically correct term for "biological"...so "cisgender male" is equal to designated male at birth, not intersex, and not transgender female (male to female). Haha...reading back that is so confusing.
I am not cisgender male. I am transgender male. I started transition nearly 10 years ago and it was the best change I could have ever made. I NEVER felt like a girl and my body was always weird to me.
As far as "queer" goes: it is an umbrella term that the LGBTIAQ (TOO MUCH ACRONYM) has reclaimed in order to remove the negative connotation that was previously associated with it.
Kind of like African Americans using N**ga as a term of endearment between one another and in other ways as well.
So Queer is just like this umbrella term that some people prefer to use, rather than identify as a more specific label like bisexual, gay, lesbian, pan, poly, etc.
I just hate all of that stuff. If we want to be more accepted, then why do we go out of our way to make all of this MORE CONFUSING for those whom we are seeking acceptance?
Yes I have a pretty level head. I think like any other guy. I have more insight into the female psyche, but actually a lot of that has been lost over the past decade lol. I probably don't have as much confidence as the typical American man as a result of being raised female, but that could also just be my overall personality. I have always had very supportive and loving parents - despite being very conservative. They really are wonderful people and very saddened by all of this. Not sure what I would do without them right now. Between them and my brother in law I feel like I have been doing pretty well throughout this situation.
What do you mean by not reading only self help books?
Blue Highways is a great book if you're looking. Written by a guy essentially GALing his way out of a failed marriage by traveling the US in a huge circle using primarily only rural/scenic byways, i.e., the "blue" highways on the old maps. I'm reading it now, and it's quite good, and he's really inspiring for a LBS. IMHO.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Well - I am REALLY good at reading. English has always been my strength. However, my ADD and wandering mind prevents me from getting much enjoyment out of it. I can sit and read a whole chapter, only to discover that I have not a clue what I just read.
I don't enjoy fiction at all. The only fiction I have read in the last 17 years is the Hunger Games Trilogy...and only because a friend recommended it.
W is continually pawning the kids off on me when she said she would be taking them. I don't mind as I love being with them...yes I would like some time to myself, but I think right now I really need to be there for them - and they need to be there for me...they give me strength in all this. I cannot help but feel really bad for them as I can see their mom quickly detaching from them. She says they are her life but I am more inclined to believe that she would rather be like she was with her nephews years ago...a few hours and then hand them over. I don't think she has an interest in being a mommy right now...maybe not ever again. I feel bad for my kids.
My parents say that within 6 months she probably won't see them more than once every couple weeks and that within 2-3 years they probably won't really have an interest in seeing her.
Feeling super sad about that...but I am anxious for her to move on Saturday and be able to come home to a house that isn't a disaster every day.
