I just went through your old sitch and into the new. You and I have this in common from your first post:
"My wife is a runner. Meaning, she has a tendency to take off when things get too difficult. She throws in the towel. Either it is too intense or scary for her or she just gets impatient."
More in common that that w/ our WW's but this stood our like a stubbed toe. You have attracted some old guard for wing men, so I am not going to offer much just yet. I did want to say though...that quote above, its powerful history on a person. I'm here, if you need, I will be reading, call out if required.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
So we had the chat. Mostly biz about schedules and what she is taking to her apartment. She will be moving between labor day and the weekend after.
I stuck to supportive statements, validating statements, etc. Said I was trying to understand what she is doing...etc.
I didnt cry. I didnt break down. Quite stoic if you ask me. I brought boxes from work. She doesn't want me to help her move.
Ummm, not much else? She broke down a couple times asking me why I never listened to her or understood how painful it was to be with me. Also said she needs to find herself.
She is not reachable right now but I feel like I planted the seed. My therpist thinks she is going to crash and burn eventually and maybe realize that this wasn't an unfixable situation.
I have no expectations and if she never comes back well then I did what I could on my side. No regrets?
For me, there will always be regrets, but at the same time, I could not be the person of extreme confidence and badassness I am today had I not had the opportunity to regret. And I am joking above - we are who we are because of what we experience. You stay here, you participate, you read, you listen, you offer - you become a better you. Look GR8TDAD, I am still busted, but I am way better than I was and I am not as good as I will be. That is worth something. So, no regrets!is more like it.
Also, to be more exact. Don't help her move. She said she does not want it. Listen. No more boxes, tape, packing, etc. My W and I moved out..I was not there. Had to work, have plans, have errands. make an appointment...just dont be there.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
Thanks. Today I learned that the new apartment is in the same complex as the OM. I read back thru texts she sent right before this all happened. She was just flat out lying to me about everything.
She is alienating everyone who cares about her with all of this. Just rough this morning.
You'll make it through. I agree with CT1118 - don't be around. Take the kids and try to have a fun day.
The one caution that I will make is to not make the mistake I did. Well - I've made lots of mistakes - try to avoid this particular one. My W asked what she could take - I shrugged and said that the only thing I cared about being in the house was her and that none of the rest mattered. I did say that I wanted the MBR furniture left and my rocking chair.
Well - some of the MBR furniture left as did a "lot" of other stuff (but not my rocking chair). I joked to friends that I could dance naked in the living room without hurting myself. Perhaps you will need to do what some companies do when moving. You each get a roll of coloured stickers and put them on what you want. If you disagree then you'll have to work it out. One other thing that I wish I'd done was to do a "before move" inventory with the camera on my phone. I do have one from a few years ago that I did for insurance purposes though.
Those marital assets that your W removes will need to be taken into account if you get to the point where there is a formal S agreement and division of assets.
This is going to be a very very tough week or two. Stay strong and stay great.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Gr8TDAD- "My wife is a runner. Meaning, she has a tendency to take off when things get too difficult. She throws in the towel. Either it is too intense or scary for her or she just gets impatient."
Yep mine too... nice name change by the way. It took me a few to connect the dots.
I got a few weeks notice before my WW moved out (via a text message before a huge meeting at work... she couldn't have waited 2 hrs.. thank you very much). I avoided her like the plague in the interim which actually worked out quite well for my sanity. I would try to stay as busy as possible, definitely don't help her move out. Funny my experience was the opposite of Andrew's. I also said I didn't care what she took (which was a mistake!) and she barely took anything.
The one piece of good news I can give you is that for me... the out of house sep has been a much better experience than in house. Stay strong!
I guess I just need to learn that are good days and there are bad days and those days in between. I think today is in between. I dont know that even if she wanted to come back, that it would work out. I feel as if she may never truly allow herself to be happy and loved.
Came home after wife left (she spent the morning packing) to find my dog having what looked like seizures. Rushed her to the vet where labs and xrays came back fine but they are keeping her overnight on fluids and doing some more tests. Today was already difficult with the W packing. Found a keepsake I had crafted for her a few years back...she shoved it in the closet. Obviously she is not taking with. My brother in law is being wonderfully supportive in all this and spent the morning with me and the kids running errands as his wife is out of town caring for a sick parent. He is very disappointed in his sister and despite being so close with her, does not agree at all. He also made sense when he said that she won't look to him for advice because she only wants to hear from people who support her decision.
