Detaching to reconnect

[Surfer]

Journaling.....

So, I have just had a chat with my WW. Called her at her parents first as she didn't answer after 3 calls. FIL not seeming anything but clipped now, this is the guy that was genuinely kind and decent. If he is next time I am tempted to ask if anything is wrong as he seems a little off? But what is the point.

Anyway, I digress. WW called back in the end. She was bathing kids etc. She was very clipped in tone, but we spoke and I kept it upbeat.

I stated that I could pick the kids up later but just need to get things done here. She suggested tomorrow morning - only driving 2 hours away for a 4 days beach break so why not, they won't miss anything if we set off early and I can make sure i get the last of their ironing etc done. Looking forward to it.

Was asked where we were going, what were we doing, basically, much of what she suggested. Beach, pool, shows, funfairs, woodland fun etc. Can't wait - determined to have the kids on fire with fun. When they go away with WW its always with her mates - they pack off the kids to day care or to play whilst the mums chat and drink prosecco I am sure. Not that's a bad thing, but I really want to just give them great, memories and have Daddy Time!!! Fun....I wish she would do this with them, just by herself too. I would be so pleased as I would know she is focusing on them.

Got 20 instructions:

- W: Get sun cream ["got it"] {"oh"}
- W:What factor ["50"] {"oh"}
- W: Well you will have to put it on 3 times a day at least [thinks "really? is that what you did when the kids came back burned?", but just said "yes it will be hot they will need it, you are right"]

I said I will need some of their clothes if that's ok:

- W: Text me a list, I will drop it with them in the morning or you com and pick it up later this evening [no problem]

Basically, she was being very clipped and harsh. Didn't bother me at all. See what she is like when she drops them in the morning. Hopefully she will have cheered up.

I'm just not the kind of person that chooses to be harsh with people, if I am, its short lived and honest and I usually apologise for it.

Presume this is just the way of the WW?? Seen worse so I don't know why I am even thinking about it.

Surfer.

[Cherry]

It's certainly not worth your time or effort even trying to think to be honest. My conversation with wh isn't even that at the moment. But I'm trying my best not to even think what is his mood meaning.

I'm glad you're having some fun time with the kids. It's so worth it, and as a parent, to see the look of joy on their faces is worth anything. When I see my s having fun and laughing, it just reminds me everytime that this is what my life is- him. And I'll do anything to keep him happy, I would sacrifice anything just so he doesn't feel pain or suffering.

That's the stage I'm at with h. I'm cutting those strings. Not saying I'm giving up. But I can't do anymore, he's led it to this stage and it's all on him. I can't fight him, even if I did- what's the prize someone who will hate my guts and resent me. I know I'm worth more than that.

I'm in no rush. But everything will be in my L's hand. He serves me, then it will go straight to them. Everything is his call. Let him see how happy he is when he figures what he's done.

[lt0402]

Yep, no mind reading Surfer. Just get some rest so you're ready to have an awesome 4 days with the kids!

Don't let thoughts of WWs moods get you down or weigh on you. You're a good dad and as long as you know it you're good to go!

[Surfer]

Cherry. Perfect. Cut those strings. Be nice and sit back. Time to enjoy you and S right now. Keep the stress levels down. Hope the facepack relaxed you.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

Thanks lt.

Some very nice words there chap!

Surfer.

[Cherry]

I'm still polite with him. Treating him like a house guest right now. I don't see him much as he's barely in.

But not releasing the crazy, and giving him that justification.

I'll let him see how a real woman with strength, grace and poise handles things. I am no ditsy little girl that flies off the handle.

When he came back the last time after his first A. He actually told me part of the reason was how I dealt with things. Ow began to rage and nah at him, demanding answers. Meanwhile, I left him to deal with his own sh!t, and his interactions with me, well I was practically emotionless.

[Cherry]

*nag at him even, not nah!! Damn autocorrect!!

[Buxom]

Good for you cherry, u r awesome!! She will destroy her own 'r' without any help. Let it happen and pick up the pieces later.

[Surfer]

Journaling....day 3 on holiday. 25 August.

Kids are presently playing happily. I have 15 mins and need to get my thoughts down.

I have had fleeting thoughts of W whilst away. Sometimes more sometimes less. Nothing too heavy and little sadness generally. I have kept busy doing fun things with the kids from after breakfast until story time and have really enjoyed it. This has helped. I did feel sad as he kids said "Mummy should be here, it would feel better with her". It's the type of break we would enjoy as a Family.

Day 1 was beach funfair, dinner and show. Day 2 was a detonation leisure venue - basically an enchanted forest environment called Bewilderwood. Bought sandwiches and drinks and off we went for the day. When we got back, swimming, dinner and a show. Every day has been totally fun-packed and I know the kids are loving it. I am too. Lots of "best day ever" comments and "I love you Dads" from S6 and D8. I truly love them, my wife has always said this I fairness. However, she said I don't love her. She didn't used to say this but since she went WW - I guess it's part of the story they tell themselves. I have always loved my wife and TBH, I still do. I struggle to hold hate or even true contempt or resentment for people. Personally I see that as a core important part of me. I am a kind and generous soul. I hope my children are more like me than my W when they grow.

That being said. Last night my levels of resentment flared. I brought my tired troup home and tucked them in with a story. I had bought a 4 pack and 3 were left. Daddy's treat and was looking forward to them. As we read my S6 said "Daddy, you are wearing your [wedding] ring. Mummy tooked (he is still gets confused in a few words) hers off. It's "took" not tooked I replied. "Took" he said. I said "oh when?". Both chimed in that it was a couple or few days ago. Sadly this seems to coincide with an event.

Last Sunday she went out and stayed elsewhere when she dumped the kids at her parents - after agreeing to have the kids and change her plans as I needed to work; because he kids come first (I had to finish my first commission in the business I have just established so had asked if she could have them for 4 days).

Her parents were very cold when I rang to speak to the kids, that day and even colder at the end of the following day when I was trying to locate WW for the pick (she wasn't answering her ph e as usual). I used to think of them as my family, the whole of their family. I find this so sad. The blood is thicker than water inevitable blind faith that some have in the WW stories. However, it is what it is.

Moving on, "when S6 said does that make you sad?" I said "no (I want them both to be able to talk without fear of how I feel), it's just a ring. I wear my ring because M and D are married. I would only want to take my ring off if the marriage ended". D8 kind of gets it and was kind of "it's just a ring" (in a kind of - he'll be taking his off eventually kind of way). She was helping to reassure S6. Bless her. S6 got tearful and said "Daddy please don't..." [this but is fuzzy - my mind was in Limbic thinking, whilst looking calm secure for them] not be married". I said "I promise I want to be married even if M doesn't want to, but let's see". I explained how a ring is about a M and a M is about a signed letter saying you are M (contract but hey that would do). I said to them both, that you can undo the M with another letter that is signed. But ultimately the M is just a about letters and you have both signed pieces of paper before, when you have done drawings and signed them or written your names. It's the same the M is a a piece of paper and the ring is about that too. I explained that even without the paper, the ring and the M I will always be their Daddy and she will always be their Mummy. Nobody can ever change that. Even if the M ended and M got a BF or new H I would still be their Daddy and will always love them and be there. We tickled read some more and they asked me to stay with them until they slept. I did.

Problem is W has been straying from the party line that we are a family living in 2 houses and will always be M and D, S and D. She has started telling them they are a family of 3 now. I could "wring her neck" for this - metaphorically; we are not a violent couple (she pushes it but, I avoid this when temp flares, not always, I have engaged in a harsh battle of words - I digress).

I slept badly but am fine this morning. Yes angry a little. But what does it change? She's a total cretin. I just need to stay very civil, not acknowledge the ring or anything of this situation - she is starting to dress in an attractive way again, tight clothing etc. Always wanted to his her arms etc, no longer. Anyway, thats her choice.

I have also had D8 telling me "M is going to look for another job so she can spend more time with us". I said okay - she took a job at a school got a separate bank account etc at the time of EA#1. My D8 was asking if you 'have to work - people generally' I explained and asked why. She said "Mummy has to". I said no she doesn't. She didn't work before and still doesn't have to if we all lived together but M does not want that right now. We did live very comfortably, holidays we wanted, cars etc.

W complains of working almost a full day and getting paid practically zero after she has paid out. So how she will get a job that pays less for fewer hours IDK. Anyway. I am future forecasting but I wonder if the OM is still on the scene and they are talking of living together. If they are, I am going in hard on D finances and custody. My blood is boiling just typing this.

I don't know whether the kick this off now. She has asked for Mediation. I said yes, she has stalled. No D papers.

I am not sure what to think or do. I know one thing though. I am going to stop Journaling right now and get the kids ready for the pool and some fun. Breakfast is done so....

I am going to do something else also. I am going to get incredibly fit when I get home. I am going to drive this aggression I feel into shaping my body. Underneath this not too shabby exterior is a body. Was an avid gym member for years. Time to buff up SuperDad!

Surfer.

[Cherry]

Ugh, sorry to hear of her latest revelations, to hear this through your children and be asked difficult Q's by them must be so unbelievably hard. It is hard when they take the rings off, mine hasn't wore his in a long time, and recently I stopped wearing mine. Not that I don't want to appear married or that I don't feel married, it was just a bit of a painful memory for me, everytime I looked at it I had memories come to me, and I'd remember that there is only me wearing this. It was personal choice, maybe one day I'll put it back on. Or maybe the last time I took it off was the last time. Idk. Try not to dwell too much on this, easier said than done. But it doesn't change too much in the grand scheme, she still hasn't filed or acted on the mediation front yet. I say just keep on the way you have, prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Aside from the occasional w thoughts, I'm glad you and the kids have had a great time so far! They deserve some fun and smiles and so do you And your idea of focusing your anger on getting fit sounds great! Really good channel to push out all the anger and get ripped while you're at it. Win win