Cherry, h is filing. Working on me

[Cherry]

I'm sure you know me and my history so far.

I'll just give a brief re-cap for anyone new.
Around oct 2014, my h, a man who has always been so loving and close to me began to pull away. He had just been promoted and was being really pushed at work, he wanted to be successful at it- so he worked damn hard. I supported him physically and emotionally the best I could, I was his biggest cheerleader. Our lifestyle had undergone a huge shift already as we had just had a baby a few months before.

After a few months of him being a little distant, from super chatty and telling me absolutely everything. He had become withdrawn and silent. He started to change passwords on his phone, he had always been so open with that, we both had. I started to suspect ow. Jan 15, he told me he wanted a d. I made the mistakes, then came here and started the work. Although saying he wanted a D, he never seemed to research it seriously. He said we would do it once I'd "got my head around it". He moved into a spare room. Eventually he confirmed a EA, and he would cake eat, at times tell me he wasn't sure he wanted to D me and he still had feelings.

Apr 15, he called it off with ow. And asked if we could work through this, he was honest and admitted he slept with her a few times. In hindsight, I took him back quickly. We started to work through this and were completely transparent. But we didn't tackle the main issues. Again, Oct 15, he withdraws- no talk of D. For months, I endured a rollercoaster of ILYBNILWY then a month or so later ily. Back and forth. Things started to improve in May. We were close again. Having regular sex again. Mid June I realised I had fallen pregnant. Although, surprised and shocked (we both kind of were) h was so happy, said how we were closer to our big family he wanted with me. A week later, he's hiding his phone, I snooped and found suggestive flirty messages between them. With her giving advise that he should leave me and s "it's totally normal these days, not even a big deal". He then tells me that we aren't right for each other and he wants a divorce.
He moved into the spare room again and begins researching flats. He also consults an L. A few days ago, he spoke with me about this and his plans to file. He knows I don't want this, but knows there's nothing I can do about that. I listened and validated to him. He later thanked me for hearing him out and not flying off the handle with him.

Haven't really seen him since then. He hasn't come home from work which isn't unusual anymore, he comes and goes as he pleases. And never tells anyone his plans anymore.

I'm fully concentrating on me and my children. He is so wild and all over the board you cannot rely upon him for anything. I've consulted my own L so I know where I stand, and I've budgeted and budgeted to the £ so I know where I stand and how I will move forward. There is no way I want this, I don't. I want my family, I would love to be a family when the baby comes home. But I'm starting to realise that is quite possibly not going to happen. So I'm adjusting. I have my support network, and I'm making all kinds of plans and decisions so that if/when he leaves. I will spring them into action.

[Cherry]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2699633&#Post2699633

Link to old thread

[Cherry]

I can definitely see why an in house seperation is very difficult. I know this seems fairly obvious, but at times I've thought it's better to have him living here still. But I've had a busy day, and I've been doing okay, a few low moments when memories hit me. He didn't come home from work, I carried on with the normal evening routine and put s to bed. It's only now when it's 12:30 am and he still hasn't got in, that I get the feeling of hang on, where is he. Is he safe? Granted a few weeks ago, I would have been threating/worrying/angry hours ago. Now I'm just a bit concerned as its hours later and I've heard nothing.

This is the wayward though, they aren't concerned for anyone's feelings except their own. He is still the father of my child, so maybe I will always be concerned about him.

[CT1118]

This is the wayward though, they aren't concerned for anyone's feelings except their own. He is still the father of my child, so maybe I will always be concerned about him.

I wish it wasn't so GD disappointing to know that is true.

[Cherry]

Ain't that the truth. I don't think it is possible to ever not care about the mother/father of your child. We're always connected to them, and to some degree, we will always be concerned.

At least I'm past the stage of phone calls/texts.

[Zues126]

Ain't that the truth. I don't think it is possible to ever not care about the mother/father of your child. We're always connected to them, and to some degree, we will always be concerned.

You'd be surprised...

[LiM]

Wow Cherry,

You've been dealing with this for a long time. Its heart breaking.
The only advice I can give you is to go dark and double down on your GAL. If you still have 180's to make, then go back to work on those. But you can't control him so take control of you.
I'm so sorry.

[Cherry]

Thanks for the support LIM. I'm trying my best to keep busy and GAL. My life is pretty busy as it is with work, a toddler, a sick MIL I look after, and bad pregnancy sickness. But I'm doing good to make sure I also make time for me, sometimes that is a home pamper or go to a salon for a treat, meeting with friends and family and so on.

I don't contact him at all, barely speak or see him as he is never home. And at weekends when he is, I'm often out busy doing something. He kinda threw this in my face and said to me "I go days without seeing you, and it doesn't bother me at all". Gee thanks!

Zeus, maybe in a bit more time I really won't be bothered at all where he is or what he does. It doesn't overly dwell on my mind now. Again, a few weeks ago I would be in full panic mode. I guess he is a grown ass man(child) and can take care for himself.

[PsySara]

You're doing great, keep on progressing. Heck, sometimes I think I would marry you if I was wasn't flaming straight.

[Cherry]

Haha thanks Sara! I guess this is something I'm still working on, accepting compliments and believing in myself. H always got frustrated as when he called me beautiful or gave me a compliment it would be met with a "noo I'm not". Same with everyone else who gives me a compliment , I dismiss it. I am working on this.