Just working the process, but wondering when......

[Rose888]

I agree.

It sounds like things are heading in the right direction.

I tend to be very impatient myself, so I can image how hard it is, but remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint. This time is short compared to the potential length of your relationship.

[RSG]

CBT, I think maybe you, Coconut AND me are the same guy ha.
I feel this way quite a bit, many times I'm just sick of letting her playing Single woman waffling on a choice while I do all the work. It pushes me towards D, but I know that's not what I want and I'd never be able to explain it to my boy.

I'm glad you feel like a team, and that MC went well. She's on board, she just needs to trust that the old anger and control problems are at least being worked on rather than just being latent and ready to come out again. You must feel similarly about something she does/has done though? Have you communicated that?

[Altair]

CBT, RSG, CNUT-
it's true, ya'lls are pretty hard to parse out and keep track of separately.
But you all have great advice.

[cbtdad]

W and I spent the day together. We went and worked out this morning after I tool son to school. I told her to sleep in and I would handle it. That's a 180 for me. Took son to breakfast before school. He loves it when we do that.
Working out was good together.
We then had an appointment about our sons evaluation we had done.
He tested really well with a high IQ. But was officially diagnosed ADHD. This isn't a shock to us and nothing we are stressing about.
Then we went and had lunch together. Followed that up with manicures and pedicures. This was a first for me. Haha
I actually did enjoy it and she told the ladies that there that she found a new partner to come with. Another 180!
I am really starting to realize that doing new things together is important for a marriage. I think we all forget that once we settle in to life of the marriage.
She is going into work tonight.
So it will be just me and the little guy. Going to steam some crab legs and we are going to get a movie.
Should be a good night to follow up a good day

[Coconut]

Lol, I have to comment because I had my first pedicure with W the day before everything really blew up with her.. I agree that doing things together, completely new to both or even just one, is great for building bonds..

It's sad, in that respect the most fun I had with my W in the last 4 years was during the two months I thought we were piecing. Good for you cbtdad.

[RSG]

Good for you buddy! I know if I went w/W to do something with her she KNOWS I never would've tried before, and didn't sit there complaining, she would be over the moon. Yes, it's a lesson I've learned. You've got to be able to try new things with the W with an open mind. I think one of the first things I'd try with W is going to the obstacle course place with her.

As for S, glad you're prepared for ADHD. It's a great way to work together and have a plan for the kiddo. W and I are actually coming together better about attacking S therapy needs, but she still depends on me SO MUCH!

Glad you had a good day with W, and enjoy the evening with your boy!!

Cnut, sorry to hear that. I know those memories hurt.

[RSG]

Wanted to check on you. Usually means things are going well when you don't post often!

[cbtdad]

Thanks for checking on me.
Yes, things are going well
Still separate bedrooms and no sex, but I think I'm getting closer to my goal
I've really been focusing on no blow ups
She sent me a text yesterday thanking me for helping her this week
I responded by saying, "you're welcome. Gratuity is appreciated"
Then said, "just kidding. I don't expect anything in return. Just want you to succeed!"
She responded, "haha. Can't talk but we can work on that"

The thing is I am not expecting anything. I'm actually just doing stuff to be helpful to her. Total 180 for me

She's stressing about things and I just listened last night. We talked about the past and how we make a marriage work. It was quite nice
Anyways. I'm just going along with the flow right now because I know it's going to take time for her to believe the new me is here to stay
I do think we are moving closer to being back in same bedroom
But we shall see

[lt0402]

Anyways. I'm just going along with the flow right now because I know it's going to take time for her to believe the new me is here to stay

CBT, you're at a much different place in this than I am, but my W has the same complaint about me. I think you're right that the only way they believe we've changed is by consistency and the passage of time.

Regardless, it sounds like you've got a good flow going right now bud. No real advice for me to give you other than keep at it!

[RSG]

This sounds positive. And it shows you're effectively battling frustration, allowing it to pass and working for what you really want. Glad you're keeping calm and just enjoying doing something nice for the old lady. Keep feeding the slot machine quarters (er making deposits into the love bank), eventually it'll hit a jackpot lol.

She's coming along, and enjoying your changes it seems.

Really glad you're doing well, you've been working very hard!