I support Job. I've seen this happen before. Someone comes on the boards who is offensive and possibly mentally ill, sparks fly, and posters come out of the woodwork to "help."
Honestly, I think some people are beyond the scope of being able to get help from an online forum. And, it's sorta scary how intense the postings can become. For all we know, this person may have a history of abuse--there are some serious red flags--a restraining order and supervised visitation. Sometimes, it's best to step away.
What makes me kinda sad... there are lots of folks on the MLC forum who would LOVE the attention this thread has received. People who are in a better place to receive the suggestions. So many broken families, so little time. I guess I'm guilty too, in that, I read the MLC boards, but don't offer much anymore to those new to the nightmare that is MLC.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I haven't given up on you just yet. There is something that isn't adding up w/your situation. Your wife may be a WAW or in MLC, you could very well be the one in crisis or you are a troll who comes here to post to get reactions for jollies and seek out info from the posters for your book. For whatever reason, you chose to come here and post on an open forum. You do not have any control over the threads on the forum, but you do have the right to have people respect you, just as the posters have the right for you to respect them. I have made it a point to caution you several times about being mindful of what you post that can be interpreted as offensive or hurtful to others and yet, again, you come here do the same thing again.
I do realize that English is your second language so, I'm going to rephrase something that I have posted and now reposted for the third time. I do not want to hear about how you treated your wife. I want an honest answer to the following comments that your wife may have stated about you. I do not want to hear (again) that you respected her, loved her and treated her nicely. I want to know what your wife has stated about you.
So, here's what I posted: "Generally when they say we are controlling, they can also tend to point out that we are manipulative, stubborn, condescending, don't listen, judgmental, determined to have our way and we want to always be right and we always want the last word in any conversation or discussion. Has your wife ever stated that you don't value you her as an equal partner because she's a woman? If you don't feel comfortable answering the above, I do understand. These examples are just a few of what some of the MLCers will toss out for justification."
Did your wife ever address these issues with you? What else did she say about you and your personality besides being controlling? There's no shame in answering my questions because we all have heard some version of the above comments one time or another from our spouses.
Why did your wife get a restraining order on you? What were the allegations? Why do you have to have supervised visitation w/your daughter? It has to be something more than just a couple of spankings. Do you treat your two children the same? Do you correct your son the same way that you do your daughter? Child Services does not take allegations lightly. They do the investigations and then determine whether or not supervised visits are necessary.
Cld, I want to close out my posting by addressing this one thing w/you. You may not realize it or even care one fig about it, but many, many of the posters who are separated and/or divorced are the ones that have helped others succeed in getting their marriages back on track. The posters that succeeded couldn't have done it w/o learning from those who went before them and educating themselves by reading the threads and asking questions. Sure, some of the postings get a little bit heated, but sometimes they have to be that way to get you to think and focus on what we are posting. To indicate in your postings that the comments and/or advice that people give you is not what you are looking for is not the way to go, especially when you are on a board that is open to the public and people come here and devote their time, effort, and share their experience and sage advice w/others. You are basically stating to those posters that they have nothing to offer to you or to those who are reading your threads. You have so much to learn from the posters and yes, even those you don't want to hear from.
And, for the record, moderators who are here periodically throughout the day volunteer their time and advice to help others...we are not paid employees. If you aren't happy w/the advice you are being provided, you may contact the staff and set up an appointment for counseling w/one of their professional counselors. I'm sure you'll get more bang for your dollars by doing so. Will you be receptive to what they advise you to do? Probably not...but I wanted to suggest this as an option to you.
So, I do welcome the challenge of working w/you because I do sense that there is some other underlying issues going on w/you and your situation. It's your choice to return or not, but I do wish you well.
What makes me kinda sad... there are lots of folks on the MLC forum who would LOVE the attention this thread has received. People who are in a better place to receive the suggestions. So many broken families, so little time. I guess I'm guilty too, in that, I read the MLC boards, but don't offer much anymore to those new to the nightmare that is MLC.
LoisB,
This is something I can honestly say that we agree on.
Maybe we all need to think about trying to do better, since we have the tools...
Glad you are doing well.
Cat
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I support Job. I've seen this happen before. Someone comes on the boards who is offensive and possibly mentally ill, sparks fly, and posters come out of the woodwork to "help."
Guilty.
I'll try and be around a little more and offer some support as well.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I support Job. I've seen this happen before. Someone comes on the boards who is offensive and possibly mentally ill, sparks fly, and posters come out of the woodwork to "help."
I would agree.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I hope you come and post. I see a lot of me in YOU and I believe that you will gain a lot from these boards.
If you decide not to return, I hope you find some support to help you through this process (it is really tough to do this alone).
I know that for me, these boards were a life saver. I did not like a lot of the things that were pointed out to me and honestly, I can you tell you a story of wanting to fly to another state to beat up one of the posters (I can laugh at it now). I am now very good friend with this person.
These boards really helped me and I think they can really help you.
So if you are up for it....come back...say HI Eric and let's start a conversation. No judging, no hard feelings...just a two dudes shooting the chit on a web site.
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I am sorry you have decided to leave the board, but it is your decision and I respect that. I wish you and your xw luck on your respective journeys and where ever it takes you both.
The first step is asking for help, the second is accepting it. I could not have got this far without the help from everyone here, on occasion I have been given hard to hear advice and taken it, they know this journey better than anyone else, they have lived it and survived.
Cld, I know that you feel very strongly about holding your values and the vows you gave to your w when you married, I admire that in you, I certainly did not have your conviction, just followed advice and got on with my life, leaving h to get on with his, it just happened that he came back into mine along the way. May I ask - are you religious?
Cld, stop, take a minute and a breath to re compose yourself from what has been going on with your thread and then start over. Look in the mirror, who do you see, do you like the person looking back at you?
Whatever you are here for, if it is for genuine help or to do a research paper or troll, please remember, I have done nothing unkind to you, I have given you the answers you asked for, I have opened my world up to you, please respect that.
I'd like to see you post a thread on the MLC Forum again. I would be more than happy to lock this particular thread and you could create a new one.
You've been posting some good info to others and I think you should also be posting on a thread that you create. You need support and advice just like the other posters.
How about it?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
