More has came out over the last few days, turn out OM with number 3, she meet OM2 for lunch but he back out when realising W was M, gave OM1 at blowjob, but he back out when his W called him at hotel as they lay on bed!
Wait...........what?
How many OM has she had?
Did you know how many affairs?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The full story has came out after I stupidly found away to access delete phone messages!
After my A 7 years ago, wife lost 7 stone over two years and is a stunning looking lady, she has alway been over weight all her life! This new image and confidence made her want to go out a lot with friends! She got lots of attention, after my A we felt with it ourselves, over time she decide without talking to me that I didn't really love her, or wanted her and felt rejected! That's my reason for being in M was children and I didn't really want her!
Of the group of friend she went out with one is know for having A's and they were all flirty, she got talking to OM1, she want to feel desired, wanted and to have attention! She has never slept with anyone else' either! So after talking to OM1 they decided to met and have sex. They meet at hotel and got on the bed, started to kiss, he's wife start to call him and he got cold feet and left! W was gutted as this was in her eyes being rejected again! So then pursed him, pictures, sex texting, and meeting him, which included BJ outside bar whist drunk! Final he told her he want to work iomn his M and stopped it, but keep in touch we off txt's! W felt totally rejected again.
OM2 was met afterwards, arranged for a meeting for lunch, but realised W was married and pull out, more rejection!
So W now feels rejected by me, OM1 and OM2, in a very dark place, along come OM3, a 59 old, single, ugly, short, with no money! Mets wife a bar, become FB Friends, by this point is desperate to be wanted! He's feels he has hit the jackpot,amazing looking women half his age, own business, fantastic life style, nice house, cars (He doesn't know the money is mine)! He declares undying love for W, sells her the dream, how he's coming to treat her like a queen, sold her loads of fantasy! Told her to leave me or he's wouldn't carry on, fearing more rejection she did what he wanted!
We she left see swore that she hadn't cheated on me sexually and had only had a EA, I know know this was crap!
W then realised she was still in love with me and had made a massive mistake and that really all he really wanted was sex!
She came back to me broken, and we agreed to reconcile, however I only know about OM3!!! Not OM1 or OM2
The new information has blown my mind, I no longer know what I want i.e stay married or D, I'm staying at the moment as the kids have been upset enough in the last 6 months!
I not sure I'm in love with her anymore other than share history, I have never thought of her as a bad person before, just a good person who made a mistake!
However I now see it as 2 x PA and 1 x EA, therefore not a mistake but I dicison that she was determined to cheat on me, can I really forgive that!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
More has came out over the last few days, turn out OM with number 3, she meet OM2 for lunch but he back out when realising W was M, gave OM1 at blowjob, but he back out when his W called him at hotel as they lay on bed!
Wait...........what?
How many OM has she had?
Did you know how many affairs?
Turn out 2 PA one with full intercourse and one only touching and blowjob in public.
1 EA
No I only know about one, we have been in reconciliation for 10 weeks, found out about the second PA and EA this weekend!
Not sure if this back up the evidence that W has had some sort of mental health issue as this behaviour is so at odds with her values and morals and the past 21 years I have know her!
I just shock to the core about the blowjob in public!!!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
I realised I still very much love and I'm in love with my wife, what to remain in my m, but the pain, negative thoughts are destroying the fabric of my very soul.
I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown, I'm on anti-D tablets, I can't sleep, it's taking over my life!
Any advise that would help me would be good!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
Often WW dribble out the full truth over time. Maybe not wanting to verbalize/admit full extent of their behaviour or maybe to not hurt the lbs. The lbs is hurt regardless. Yes it is tough.
It can be debated whether having 3 limited A or one full on 50 shades of grey hardcore love A is worse. The best way to look back on it is that your W was not herself for a certain period of time and she did stuff you are having a hard time dealing with.
You said yourself it was really out of character. Can you think of this as a temporary phase that is finished. What happened during that time is hurtful but is behind ye. Nothing will justify her choices and it is probable that it could haunt her more than you. Also can you imagine how bad she must have felt to have gone down that path. Again I do not condone her actions, but want you to think about it.
Your W seems to be on board to work on M. That is super. You want that too. Together ye can have a better R/M, but the healing will be hard and take time.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
bluboy, I feel for you buddy. I can't imagine how devastating it was to see the texts you saw and learn that your W had not been completely truthful. If you have truly decided that you want to be with your W, then that is what you need to focus on, because everything else will drive you nuts.
Let me ask you this. Why did you feel the need to figure out how to retrieve deleted texts? Do you snoop often, and if so, why? What is the real reason that you felt like you needed to check?
So you found out she wasn't completely truthful, I would say that is a bit of an issue, because you want to have a happy / healthy MR going forward, and secrets is not the way to make that happen. I would sit down with W and let her know that she needs to be completely open and honest with any other secrets, that you finding out spaced out over time makes the process much harder rather than being able to just process everything and then start moving forward.
I also imagine you need time to focus on you. I know how emotionally draining piecing is, and sometimes you can lose yourself in constant work it takes.. Then something like this happens and can make you question everything. If you need time, tell your W you need time, make it clear that your intent is to work on you so you'll be better for her, and that you are not taking time to figure out if you want to be with her, you know what you want and are trying to get your head straight to give it the best chance.
Your likely high on emotions right now, don't make any big decisions to end it or punish her for what she's done. Take space, really think things through. You can do this.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Thanks roist, I think she has had MLC, trigger by low self esteem and dramatic weight loss, I could image her doing it again, however I never saw it coming this time!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
I was having a snoopy to make sure she wasn't in contact with the OM that I already know about, I found a few texts then she confessed the rest! I just want to be able to move on knowing the truth!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
Start MC and IC for both me and W next week, final found someone I think can help us! W seems fully on board and and has spoken to the MC to try and get a earlier appointment, and has also start to make notes about thing she would like to discuss.
I'm looking for advice regarding things I should focus on.
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
Most of us aren't so lucky as to have a WW that's fully onboard for MC. The first person that came to mind when you said that is LiM. LiM could probably provide a lot of good advice if you can get his input. You might try posting to his thread and see if he'll respond.
