Cherry, h is filing. Need to detach more.

[PsySara]

You did great, little mama. I do kinda wish you threw up all over him. He is such a selfish @sshole right now. Waywards are basically pod people who've taken our spouses hostage. Remember that because one day this man will realize what a monumental screw up he has done. If the divorce goes through he will suddenly realize that all these "feelings" had nothing to do with you and more to do with a lost man trying to fill his emotional holes with "feel good" stuff. Because without you in the picture he won't have anyone but himself for the sucking hunger within.

[Phoebe]

That is absolutely spot on, Sara. (I like your new name, by the way!)

Cherry, you did an amazing job during the awful R talk. All I can say is, whatever else he may do/have done, at least your WH had the guts to tell you that he wanted out. It doesn't feel any better, but at least he didn't just head for the hills without without some kind of explanation.

You are the Queen of Validation!

Hang in there, lovely.

((((((((((Cherry))))))))))

[Cherry]

Thanks guys. Feeling a bit raw this morning after not a great deal of sleep.
Got a few things on to be keeping me busy. I guess the silver lining is that we went from full dishonesty, to at least partial.

Glad you all felt my validation went well. I've been doing my homework and tried my best. Even when I did feel like possibly throwing a few dishes!

[Cherry]

I read an interesting post on someone's thread, by roist I think. It was saying about seeing the mood swings as a positive.

I hadn't really thought about this in that way, but I guess it does show his conflict is all him. Yesterday his body language was of someone scared, fragile, vulnerable. He looks completely troubled, and as much as he says it's because he feels he is trapped. I'm not quite sure I believe him.

Mentally and physically drained today, done a fair few things already today, and think I shall let S amuse himself in the garden while I watch. And then I shall hope and pray he takes a nap so I can. At least being pregnant is allowing me to nap, so sleepy!!

[Cherry]

Just journaling. Kept myself busy today, spent some good time with S and met a friend for coffee. I held it together a lot better than I thought I was. My friend was asking a few q's about wh. And I eventually had to say, can we just not talk about this. It was just getting all a bit painful, I could feel my eyes beginning to fill so I had to stop there and then.

Only seen h briefly this evening as we passed in a hallway. Was just a polite friendly hello. That was that.

I've just spent the evening watching to shows after putting s to bed. One show I wished I hadn't watched. A drama, woman has baby, baby daddy finally decided to step up after the baby was born and proposed with one of these romantic speeches. Fresh out of a telenovela style. And I felt that sadness, and felt teary. Didn't quite cry, but it was a close call. It just bought along memories of having my S. How great and supportive he was in a labour which almost took both me and S's life. And then that joyous moment and how happy and in love we felt, like our family unit had become real. Just all painful reminders, I know, no point in looking back. But just thinking of what I'm not going to have this time around. I know I'll feel the love of my child but who knows if he will be there. And if he is, it'll be a very different experience

[PsySara]

I avoided all movies about relationships and kind of still do. Those shows are a lot like WS's thinking, this perfect, unrealistic relationship. They are almost always about "falling in love" but rarely deal with staying in love or you know, actual love inside of a strong marriage. I basically watched British comedies or reruns of shows like Titus on YouTube. I also watched a lot of my guilty pleasure, Doctor Phil. (hides face in shame, lol)

[Cherry]

I've mainly tried to avoid anything relationship wise- I wouldn't touch the notebook with a barge pole right now! Anything relationship wise kinda brings out the resentful side in me, just picture me sat in bed hurling the closest object at the to and shouting "liar!!" I think you're right though, in a waywards mind they want rainbows and butterflies all the time, and if it isn't that, then it isn't love.

That's one thing I cannot deal with right now, wh's spew. "I don't know if I've ever loved you", "maybe we made a mistake getting married". And his favourite right now: "we just aren't good together. We would be better as close friends" bla bla bla blaaaaaa....

I know they are just words, and I know we should believe nothing they say. But my god do they know how to twist the knife right in there!!

[SH_]

I know they are just words, and I know we should believe nothing they say. But my god do they know how to twist the knife right in there!!

They don't know what they are saying. It is a defense mechanism to protect themselves. We let them twist the knife only when we let it affect us.

IDK if your son is old enough to throw a tantrum and tell you he hates you yet, but I have experienced that with my children. We know they do not mean it, they are doing it because of the rage their five year old brain is going through.
The WS is talking with their five year old brain. The words mean nothing.

It is a perspective shift. This is where you take back control.

[SH_]

Maybe I missed it, but have you done the homework?
I am curious to your thoughts and if it helped you.

[Coly23]

Cherry, my H said the same thing to me 'I don't love you anymore, I'm not sure I ever did'. Although the 'anymore' makes that sentence contradictory! When I confronted him a couple of months later in a moment of weakness he denied it! I reminded him that he had said it on two different occasions and he tried to brush it under the carpet! I think he was so desperate to make me agree that the marriage wasn't working he would say anything.

My wise D keeps telling me to ignore all those hurtful things he said at the beginning because he wasn't in his right mind. He hasn't repeated anything like that anymore but I'm finding it hard to forget...