Rick you are not a failure. The divorce process in America moves faster than the midlife crisis so it's impossible to save a marriage. If it took 10 years to get divorced like in the Philippines and marriage counseling was mandatory then nobody would get divorced. What is your story? Did you give up after getting divorced? Did you find a girlfriend?
I didn't like conflict. So I would store my resentments in my angry tank. Later I would go into a rage and scream and yell. There is more to my story. Yes last year I married a wonderful lady. Exw didn't show any indication to even want to communicate. Haven't communicated in almost 5 years.
I will advice you to listen to the folks posting to you. I will encourage you to seek counseling for yourself.
If you don't make some changes you will bring you baggage to the next relationship. Keep posting
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Did you go into a rage, scream and yell after she filed for divorce or before? How long did you wait before finding another girlfriend? Did you recognize it as a midlife crisis right away?
Before she filed. I really didn't argue much during my marriage. I think I got angry where I said hurtful things 4 or 5 times in our 25 years. LIke I said I avoided conflicts. The only way I would tell you how I felt was by en raging myself. My ex started changing in 2009. Way before she filed. Our M died that year.
I met my GF 3 weeks before my D was final. It just happened. By that time I had no online profiles cause I wasn't interested in dating. It just happened by chance. The 1st year was just hanging out it got serious afterwards.
Lol Cadet. She did become seriously involved in the equine world. She spent all her time and money competing state wide. I had no chance against a real stud.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
In short, I disagree with this individual's approach to MLC.
Two things bother me the most are these two statements:
1-If Your Wife Came From a Troubled Home, It’s Not a Question of IF; it’s Now a Matter of WHEN.
2-TROUBLED CHILDHOODS = TROUBLED MARRIAGES This is not a theory, it’s a fact.
It is not a fact. It is a personal opinion. Nothing more, nothing less.
I know many, many people have gone through some really awful childhoods yet maintain long-term marriages that are rock-solid.
Not all women who come from troubled homes will have MLC. Again, it is not scientific fact. It would be reasonable if it were postulated that "some may" go through MLC for a number of factors.
I would be careful of trying to grasp whatever "statistic" or statement as a panacea to your M problems. That is walking on really thin ice right there.
Instead, you really should channel your energies and time into self-introspection on some of the valid complaints your W has made about YOU over the years and work on keeping your side of the street clean. Meaning....make genuine 180's that you can comfortably live with for the rest of your life with, not as a strategic 'tactic' to get W to "snap out of her MLC." You are no angel either. You are not innocent. Look into your own 50% part of the M breakdown.
There is no timetable when it comes to the MLCer. Really.
There is a real possibility that your W may stay stuck on the Mothership for the REST OF her life. Are you going to put your life on hold simply because your W is having too much fun playing Captain Kirk? Do you see how whack that line of thinking is.
Get busy living LIFE.
Life is a large banquet for you to sample out there that would put King Henry VIII to shame. Re-discover Cld. Where's the man that is buried deep inside in there? What makes you fun, interesting and fascinating on the cocktail party circuit that makes people would want to stick around to chat with? Seriously.
Let's get on with the Cld program. Not the MLCer program.
Otherwise, you'll get stuck inside the MLC museum waiting for the paint to dry.
Wonka, You say that you are a former MLCer. Can you please honestly tell me more about your childhood? In particular I would like to know if your parents were divorced and/or liked each other, and if you had any other traumatic experience during childhood. Usually male MLCers tend to behave like their fathers and women like their mother, can you relate to that?
