Husband just told me he is moving out.

[Mombear]

I won't print it out for him. Maybe I'll stuff it in his pillowcase the day he moves out. (just kidding!!!!)

I still have to pinch myself to remind myself this is happening, that this is real. If someone told me a year ago I'd be in the midst of this, I'd never have believed it.

[doodler]

I won't print it out for him. Maybe I'll stuff it in his pillowcase the day he moves out. (just kidding!!!!)

You could have it tattooed on his @ss and then video him while he's trying to read it.

I still have to pinch myself to remind myself this is happening, that this is real. If someone told me a year ago I'd be in the midst of this, I'd never have believed it.

It is unbelievably surreal! It wasn't that long ago that my wife told me that I was the love of her life. I'm just happy I wasn't the hate of her life; I'd probably be the hamburger meat on somebody's fast food burger.

[Cristy]

Hello MomBear,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

Michele has actually written an article regarding what and how to tell the kids regarding divorce. Please email me and I will send you the link.

You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be.Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Mombear]

So last night we had a joint counseling session. It was tough - we went there with the intent of getting advice on what to tell our children. It is hard, because as I mentioned, the 9 year old knows something is up. When we told them mommy and daddy were going to a meeting, he said "Is it so you can learn to get along better and not get a divorce?" It broke my heart. And when we came back, about an hour and a half later, he was waiting outside for us, and ran up to the car saying "Did you fight? Did it work?"

On the up side, the therapist is amazing. Seriously. I've been seeing him by myself, and he encouraged me to bring in my husband, who did agree to come under the pretense of getting advice on how to tell the children about a potential divorce, and/or giving his side of the story in the hope that it helps the therapist help me move forward.

The therapist put him at ease right away, and got him talking about where he is at, how we got here. It is the most open and talkative I've seen my husband in a long time. The therapist kept pressing on the fact that he signed a lease and has a new place to live, but has no plans to move out. Got my husband to admit he's running away from his problems. Got my husband to admit that we were very much in love less than a year ago.

Where we left it was that we are going to just take a break from relationship talk, go on this family vacation next week, and then regroup with this therapist when we are back, the first week of September. My husband agreed to this.

I would not say we are in reconciliation, so much as a holding pattern. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I am actually quite confident we can have a great time as a family - we fell in love when we were traveling abroad together, and we do this very well together.

I'm fully aware there is a very high chance I'll be back here in September, but for now I feel like I need to try this. I'm not going to be needy or clingy or even bring our marriage up during the trip - I'm going to just have a good time and try to be the best "me" I can be.

Wish me luck, and be here to catch me when I fall!

[cat04]

On the up side, the therapist is amazing. Seriously. I've been seeing him by myself, and he encouraged me to bring in my husband, who did agree to come under the pretense of getting advice on how to tell the children about a potential divorce, and/or giving his side of the story in the hope that it helps the therapist help me move forward.

Am I clear that you tricked your H into going to therapy?

Just a question...cuz I like to ask them

I am going to encourage you to keep posting during this time. It will keep your story fresh and hopefully help keep you on your current path.

We will be here if you fall.

Remember NO EXPECTATIONS!

[Mombear]

LOL . . . I'm not sure if I tricked him in to it or if our therapist did the tricking! We did walk in there with the full intention of doing what we discussed - get the therapist's advice on how to deal with the children. I think my husband was taken aback by how personable the therapist was and how different he was from our marriage counselor. My husband just kept talking and talking, and the therapist went with it.

The therapist keyed in on the fact that my husband has no immediate plans to move out (like hasn't hired movers, etc.) and said that he doesn't think we should tell the kids ANYTHING until we know what is going to happen. And that is when they continued talking, honing in on his uncertainty, etc.

My husband didn't seem to feel like he got tricked into it - he said after that the guy was nice and easy to talk to.

No expectations on my part. I can't lie, I do have hope, but I gotta try.

[cat04]

Hope is good. Hope is what gets you through this.

Expectations will kill you though.

I am glad your H didn't appear to feel tricked. Just don't be surprised if one of these days he says you tricked him into going.

Par for the course.

Hope you have a great day.

[Mombear]

Update!!!

Vacation went well. It was wonderful. In the spirit of DB, I didn't do any relationship status check ins. I just had fun, enjoyed myself, and had a great time with my boys.

My husband and I met and fell in love traveling, and we do it well together. We immediately fell back in to that comfortable vacation mode, where we got each other, brought out the best in each other, and laughed nonstop.

We got home late last night and my husband returned to the master bedroom. No sex yet, and I know I need to talk to him soon about what this means. I'm not intending to just let him have the best of both worlds... We can't live like a married couple while he moves towards moving out.

I guess this means I'm in maybe an early reconciliation stage? What do I do? What do I say? Help, please.

[Rose888]

Update!!!

Vacation went well. It was wonderful. In the spirit of DB, I didn't do any relationship status check ins. I just had fun, enjoyed myself, and had a great time with my boys.

My husband and I met and fell in love traveling, and we do it well together. We immediately fell back in to that comfortable vacation mode, where we got each other, brought out the best in each other, and laughed nonstop.

We got home late last night and my husband returned to the master bedroom. No sex yet, and I know I need to talk to him soon about what this means. I'm not intending to just let him have the best of both worlds... We can't live like a married couple while he moves towards moving out.

I guess this means I'm in maybe an early reconciliation stage? What do I do? What do I say? Help, please.

Why can't you live like a married couple while he makes plans to move out?

I'm not up on your sitch, but it sounds like there isn't an affair in the mix, or any abuse. Is that correct?

If it is correct, I would NOT have a talk about what it all means. No R talks. Let the situation evolve as it evolves.

This does put you at risk for hurt if it blows up, but that's going to hurt anyway. I decided for me that the increased chance of success was worth the small additional hurt.

Just my two cents.

[ForGump]

Mombear-- pretty amazing development. I had a similar turn of events in my M, where my WW/MLC went to therapy with me, but she bailed after two sessions. I'm envious of your story. I think finding a therapist w/ a good fit is difficult, so you were lucky.

I too often walk around feeling like I'm in a dream, a bad nightmare. There is just a surreal quality to it all, like, is this really happening. Just doesn't seem to fit with the reality I remember.

Your H admitting he is just running away from his problem is a huge step, I think!!!