Cheesyt, I've had conversations with D the past few months where we have talked about me forgetting stuff and breaking promises. I am guilty of that in the past. I know now I was too focused on work and had little energy when I got home to focus on her. Fully own up to that part of things.
D now though is very happy with how I'm acting (at least per our conversations). Her biggest complaint about me is the I never help mommy with anything (had this conversation last weekend) and mommy is so busy she desperately needs my help. W does yoga and runs for 3-4 hrs a day and does God knows what else now. I work from 7-6 at least every day and can barely squeeze in any gym time. That rubs me the wrong way and makes me wonder if WW is not feeding things Into to Ds brain.
D also is highly afraid of doing anything to "aggravate" mommy. That's messed up and she shouldn't have to worry about that. IC and I have been discussing mother - daughter relationships and man are those crazy.
Trying to be a rock for my D but it's hard right now. It's almost as though WE is doing things to purposefully force me to lose focus on my goals. For example, I'm back at the gym for the first time since vacation this morning. Been trying to get here every day but have been wiped out in the mornings bc of his and tied up with catchup at work post vacation.
Sad part for WW is I know im stronger than she is and she will only temporarily drag me back into the muck with her. At this point I fully expect things to get worse in the short term as she continues losing control over me and D. What she does I don't know, but trying to be prepared for it.
15 more minutes on the bike here at the gym, work, L, then gym again today. Hoping for a quiet day but wouldn't bet on it.
FG, yep, brutal to stomach that letter, though it's the same stuff she keeps saying (minus a cpl additions) just twisted in different ways.
D is awesome at engineering type stuff. She likes to sit down with a ream of paper and design new airplanes then test how they fly. Tweak something and retest. She is awesome and keeps me going. It was a welcome break from all this last night. Though it bothered me when W inserted herself in our time. Didn't show it but I don't know if she thinks that's how life is after this.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
lt0402 - I hate to say it my friend - but she's walking. The plans are made and that train may well have left the station. It looks like she's packed her own bags and is trying to do it on her own. I don't understand "family trust" though so that might be something you'll want to try to protect.
One thing I noticed in your comments about the letter is that never once did you say that she was wrong. Yes, you've become a better man and father since BD 5/31. From what she wrote though BD was actually last Christmas and is looking at you as a case of too little too late and she's not believing it is sustainable.
So you have a couple of choices here. - Try to fight to force her to stay and block her leaving - probably a bad idea. - Boot her sorry @ss out the door - Stand aside and be gracious and make sure that you can continue to improve your R with D9 and work on yourself. She may turn
Tough, tough choices my friend.
Good luck.
P.S. - I chose the last option - no clue whether it was the right one or not.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
D now though is very happy with how I'm acting (at least per our conversations). Her biggest complaint about me is the I never help mommy with anything (had this conversation last weekend) and mommy is so busy she desperately needs my help. W does yoga and runs for 3-4 hrs a day and does God knows what else now. I work from 7-6 at least every day and can barely squeeze in any gym time. That rubs me the wrong way and makes me wonder if WW is not feeding things Into to Ds brain.
Of course she's feeding this into D's brain. More controlling behavior, trying to sour your relationship with D. Or, put another way, your improving relationship with D is a threat to her feeling of being in control, which she depends on, so she tries to sabotage.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
AP, W is somewhat rewriting timelines here. In a heated exchange (from her) she mentioned that her and D may not be here at some point around the Christmas timeframe. In April she said something similar in another sentence or two to me. BD on 5/31 was the full, direct story.
Should I have seen it or paid better attention, probably. But it kills me that she thinks those short exchanges constitute clearly conveying our MR is over. Live and learn I guess.
To some degree I know she's got one foot out the door and is nearly all the way gone. She's said so and I've heard it but chosen not to accept it. For me the hurt around the Lyon about everything has made me lose a week in the muck. I want to grab her and say, couldn't you wait until at least we'd told D before you started sleeping with this OM!!!!
Without OM in picture I could have better dealt with this and that the letter is the truth. With him here it's impossible to think he has nothing to do with this.
In a bad spot today if you can't tell. I know this weekend is going to be tough and I need to address the bank situation at least. I'm unsure how to approach the separation stuff after a week of silence.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
D now though is very happy with how I'm acting (at least per our conversations). Her biggest complaint about me is the I never help mommy with anything (had this conversation last weekend) and mommy is so busy she desperately needs my help. W does yoga and runs for 3-4 hrs a day and does God knows what else now. I work from 7-6 at least every day and can barely squeeze in any gym time. That rubs me the wrong way and makes me wonder if WW is not feeding things Into to Ds brain.
Of course she's feeding this into D's brain. More controlling behavior, trying to sour your relationship with D. Or, put another way, your improving relationship with D is a threat to her feeling of being in control, which she depends on, so she tries to sabotage.
That's one of my biggest fears JR. I got a message from my D this morning from Ws phone. "Hi can you come to my art show". It was right after my L appointment so I respond back asking what time it is. W responds back w/ "1215 same as always".
Show up and D is a bit stand offish from me. Not sure what's happened from last night to today. Will need to talk to her about it later if she's acting different when I get home. But it really does put me in a dark place to think that W may be trying to sabotage my R w/ D.
L today seemed pretty good. Had a much more in depth conversation around options and what she was afraid of w/ my situation. She seemed very concerned that W was trying to get control of D so that she could move since she has no ties here. Wondering if that's the L trying to worry me or there's some truth to it. L seemed concerned that W would take D and move closer to OM or back down to where we used to live.
I do feel like I've got a better idea of my rights now though. All these L visits have helped to frame that Ws idea of the custody situation isn't the norm. The past 2 Ls said it's possible that Ws L is coaching her to set the bar high w/ me to make negotiations easier for them. I'd of never thought W was capable of doing something like that. Guess I'd never thought she was capable of any of this though.
It's so funny bc I'd never have the wool pulled over my eyes like this by anyone but my WW. My trust in her was 100% and I guess I was mistaken to carry that trust over into this mess. Not sure I've ever trusted anyone else like that before. Guessing it'll be awhile before I do again, though that may not be a bad thing.
AP, sorry about the rambling response earlier. I was in the L waiting room and trying to hammer thoughts out. This thing is going ahead w/ or w/o me. I won't be an impediment, but I also won't be an instigator I think. I'm going to try to change the mood around the house this weekend and do a 180 on the recent silent treatment of W.
Debating how/if I respond to the letter. I'll lift it off the counter today, but need to re-read and maybe put together a short response. Like maybe a paragraph. W hasn't mentioned anything else since she put that letter on the counter. A weird week for sure.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Debating how/if I respond to the letter. I'll lift it off the counter today, but need to re-read and maybe put together a short response. Like maybe a paragraph.
lt0402 - one VERY important thing that a friend of mine told me who went through a very bad D. DO NOT - repeat DO NOT put ANYTHING down on paper or electronically that could be used in court in any fashion. Each and every word could get scrutinized and twisted.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
on a lighter note I know you play Pokemon go with your D. so I took mine today. It was fun. Thank you. I don't know that I would've taken her had it not been for you doing that with yours. My D loved it and it was a nice little bonding moment!
My advice: Throw the letter away. If you need to look at it for lawyers, self reflection or whatever you have the pictures. Chuck it, don't give her the satisfaction of responding...
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
So last night, came home, D having a sleepover so no playtime. Took the opportunity to read a bunch of the 5 LLs. Going to bed and noticed W laid out my shirts on our bed that I'd forgotten in the drier. Send her a text as I'm snoozing of saying thank you for laying my shirts out.
Wake up this am at 8 after 10hrs of sleep. Not sure when the last time I did that was. Have a message, an hour after I sent mine, from W saying that now she may have a lump and needs to have a mammogram and that the doc is checking if insurance covers it. I respond back similar to last time, "your doctors appt sounds like it must have been really tough on you. Let me know if you want to sit down and talk about it." W sends back "I'm just telling you so you don't question the $".
Ok...
So then D and I are playing after breakfast and W sends me another text:
W: "D and I had plans this weekend that you changed and D is a tiny bit annoyed about it. You might want to talk to her about it. It's not entirely fair for you to just decide you want to hang out with her and expect her to rearrange her plans. It's not the first time you've done that. Just think about it for a second before you say anything to D (or me)."
If that's not enough, W follows it up with a drive by conversation saying pretty much the same thing after I don't respond. It's funny, but they told me they had plans, after learning I'd cancelled mine, and I said I'd hang out with D around those plans. They haven't changed any of their plans that I knew of. Frustrating.
Another small but funny thing is W has an issue with a pair of shoes I bought when I started to dress nicer. I got a pair of vans slide on shoes to just kick around in. W made a comment over our beach week about how she didn't hint those were guys shoes. Didn't think anything of it, but then I came home yesterday and right beside my shoes are an eerily similar pair (same color, etc) of the shoes in her size. Add that to the phone insurance card for new cell phones still out on her counter (I think she got a secret phone...no idea how she pays for it) and she seems to be playing some sort of strange game.
That said, I'm in a much better place after doing the gym twice yesterday and getting some sleep. I think that's the key for my sanity right now. Will respond to everyone a bit later bc D is about to come home and I want to get some playtime in before my GAL fantasy football draft tonight. Appreciate all of you!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
AP and RSG, haven't responded. Just grabbed the letter after dinner last night, took it upstairs, and shoved it in my gym bag. Still debating a very short response, but leaning towards not doing it.
Cheesyt, I'm glad y'all enjoyed it! As silly as it sounds it's a great way to entice my D outside when she's not feeling like it. We actually have a date tomorrow morning to do it at the park. And next weekend we are driving 30 minutes to a state park to do poke one and scout out new fishing spots. Love doing outdoors stuff with D. As you said, awesome bonding time!
Having time to respond bc D called from Ws cell to say they are going shopping at target before a friend of D comes over tonight for a sleepover (just scheduled). Bummer bc I was looking forward to an hour of D and I time, but not a huge deal. Will get up early tomorrow morning and get donuts for the kids for breakfast after the gym.
Thank you all for your support as always. In a better spot today, but as we've seen, that can change at any point!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
