Cherry, h is filing. Need to detach more.

[Cherry]

Looks like my other thread is about to lock.

I've been here a while, so I'm sure you all know the story so far.

Usual script. H has dipped in and out of our r. Although he denies it, I saw messages confirming an ea a few months back. They had a fall out, he reached out to try and connect to me. He was super affectionate. I fell pregnant. A week or so after telling him I was pregnant (he was super happy to find out- even said we were one closer to the 10 he wants with me!!) he began to pull back again. Once again I snooped and discovered the ow was back on the scene (he still denies it)

It all quickly began to unravel. He can give no reason except "he's just not happy", usual bs, tells me he will always love me as the mother of his child(ren), I'm a good woman, good mother, good wife he thinks I'm beautiful.

He told me at the weekend that he intended to file, yesterday I saw his notes from L, not sure if he filed, but I saw all his plans. Citing unreasonable behaviour as his reason for D.

So today I'm a ball of emotions. Understandably in this situation, I'm also pregnant so that just adds to the crazy emotions.

After feeling like I wanted to hide away from the world. I thought I'd get my act together. Got some general advise to financial support as a single parent. Also made appointments to see L's to find out where I stand.

I'm trying to keep moving forward. Seeking legal advise is one thing. My emotional wellbeing is also key. I have my homework thank you SH. And I am reaching out to my support system so I can GAL, got a fun day out planned for tomorrow with S.

A lot of this is going to be faking it for a while. It's also going to be me pushing myself to my absolute limits. And it's hard, and I'm struggling. I find myself from being furiously angry towards h, and then the worst feeling, the one I feel right now. The aching gut wrenching feeling of your heart breaking. And feeling like the person you want to go for comfort, the only one who could comfort me and hold me and tell him all would be okay would be him. He's the only person I've ever felt true love for, and I'm mourning the fact that that is gone. And that yes, I love him, but he doesn't love me anymore.

The sooner I can come to terms with that and find happiness and contentment within myself the better.

I haven't seen him for the last few days. He seems to avoid me. Like some kind of roach, he hides away when he hears me, and when he thinks I'm in my room or bathroom. He scuttles out. I guess I am that obstacle that is in his way from "being happy" and he resents me for that.

[Cherry]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2697786&#Post2697786

Link to previous thread

[Painter]

Cherry, I just read a fascinating article that explained how the limbic (primitive) part of the brain can flood the frontal cortex (higher rational brain) with adrenalin when stressed, causing us to make bad decisions. It has a function when we are in acute physical danger - to get us to act instead of think when seconds count. But this psychologist wrote about how it can make someone leave their spouse to get relief. He called it 'relief divorce' and said people often regret having left years later, when their ability to emotionally regulate is improved. I felt this applies to a lot of the situations I read about here.

[Altair]

Cherry,
I wish we could hang out. My H pulled a great number today too!
I'd make fun of our H's and our messy lives and I'd make you laugh. Soon, you will have 2 beautiful children and they will be your world.

[JksD]

(((Cherry)))

Have been crazy busy with work. Will check back on you again.

[Cherry]

Painter, that's really interesting. During one of h's crazy rambling sprees he told me that he may well regret this in a few years time, "but at least I will learn". And that is his direct quote. So blasé at major life decisions.

Altair, funnily enough I have just read your entire thread and caught up on your sitch. Your wording amused me, I like that you still have humour about you even in this unbelievably sh*tty situation. I agree, I think we could for sure have a great time! I think we need to find things to make us smile through this.

Grl, thank you. I hope you are good.

[Altair]

Cherry,
It's all i have. A tiny, warped kernel of humor. the kind at the bottom of the bowl. (cackles into universe)
If I can make you smile, then I've accomplished something today. Really. And even if I can't get out of bed all day and go do something, I've made you smile. So I've accomplished something from bed.

[Cherry]

Why can't you get out of bed. Is it your health or are you feeling down.

Humour is always appreciated, so is a fiesty streak. I feel I have an alter ego at times, the feisty cherry comes and picks the sad one up. And when she takes over, she gets to business. She will move mountains.

And that's where I need to be. In this situation, it's time to throw the crown on and show them who's boss!!

[Altair]

I can't get out of bed because i don't own a pair of L's to spike down and win.
Just kidding, I am totally depressed and floored and bed seems like a great place to hide, especially on a business trip.

I am blown away by this person who needs to see other people/etc/etc not the person i fell in love with. So, what is even real now?

You get it.

what is real is my mattress and my pillow and blanket. Feels good. Rest of world: feels not good

[Cherry]

I totally get that feeling.

And I get the frustration and utter confusion of where has this person gone. I'm tempted to take down the happy pictures of us in my room. It all feels like a great lie. Seeing his face and all these memories of us, wedding pics, travelling pics are just totally painful.

I wish there was a quick fix out of this to make us feel better. I guess detachment is the magical ingredient.

If you're feeling down, make it into a kind of home/bed spa for yourself. Have a good bath, wash your hair. Put a facemask on, give yourself a mani. Anything, however small that makes you feel a little better about yourself. This is about learning to love ourselves.

Maybe go for my old favourite, do some online shopping. Get yourself a few cute new outfits. New clothes always make you feel good, and hey if he notices "oh, this old thing" then that is just a happy bonus.