Quick rundown of my situation: - M11, T13 w/ a D9 - BD on 5/31/16 - Find out about EA with OM on 6/22/16. Had been ongoing since 5/13/16 - Confront W on 6/30/16 about her plans to visit OM over 4th of July weekend - W goes anyway on 7/3/16 for PA and I leave MBR that night - W comes back and we have talk on 7/7 about Ls - W retains L early August - I have met with 2 Ls so far and another in 2 days - "Family" beach trip for a week Aug 6, multiple MR talks - W leaves for an anniversary party for friends. Turns out it's for another PA with OM at the same lake - confront W on it and she lies, lies, lies
Seeing W for her lies and deceit of the past 3 months. New drama today that's making it difficult to navigate. Trying to sort through the lies for the truth.
For me though, with the help of a multitude of folks on here, I'm working through building my relationship with D9 to be stronger. I'm also re-tooling myself to be more like the man I was pre M. Standing up for myself and D in the face of some controlling behavior from W and refusing to be a doormat. A lot of GAL and some 180s but all for the sake of D and me.
Here we go again...
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Ok. Got out of work later than I wanted so I came home to go out for a run.
D has a friend over for a sleepover. Say hello to them. Notice that W has a dress on (same one she wore this past weekend when she left house to go "see friends") and her hair done. She usually is in her yoga gear and a pony tail when I get home.
Ignore it and her. Put my stuff down and notice a folded paper where my stuff goes. Open it up and it's a 3 page, single space, 8x11 note from her staring with "For the past 10 years..."
Put it down, go change, and am now in the park on a bench typing this. Not sure what it says but I'm sure it's a regurgitation of all the same crap and how bad she's had it. Debating if I read it or just leave it there for a few days.
Unsure why she wants to talk so damn bad after treating me like sh$t the past 3 months. Already been wavering all day. Was looking forward to exercise and reading a book about Daughters tonight. Fun fun fun
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
"FYI, needed some tests today be physical abnormal this yr. Not that you care but i may have have cervical cancer. telling you in case it becomes an issue with insurance. say nothing to D bc I don't want her to know until I know more details."
Ugghhhh. I have to talk to her about this, no?
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Stay strong dude. You're going to have to face it sometime.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
"FYI, needed some tests today be physical abnormal this yr. Not that you care but i may have have cervical cancer. telling you in case it becomes an issue with insurance. say nothing to D bc I don't want her to know until I know more details."
Ugghhhh. I have to talk to her about this, no?
If you are going to respond my suggestion is to validate.
That must be really hard.
She is playing her victim card to get sympathy from you. I would give it to her and then press the ignore button after that.
She would not be the first one to have this happen to. If it even turns out to be real.
"W, that must be tough news to get. Let me know if you want to talk about it."
She usually bottles this type of stuff up. It's a 180 for me to offer to talk about it. 75% sure she's setting me up for something or trying to back door into this S talk she wants to have though. Won't make me softer to her around the MR stuff though. It's a shame the lies there are making me doubt her honesty on something potentially serious like this.
JR, you've been talking about narcissism and I've been researching a bit. W seemed to have the controlling part of it, but could this fit the part about pulling the focus back on themselves? W has never really been one to do that in the past. Maybe it's something for me to discuss with IC next week.
She did ask for a copy of our family trust documents tonight though. Assuming that's for the L. Haven't touched the letter from her yet. Trying not to decipher why she was dressed so nice when I got home. She did offer me cookies she baked for the girls, though it was through my D. She didn't offer the last batch she made earlier in the week or a couple weeks ago. Still analyzing alot, no detachment currently! More of a numbness building to every escalating situation.
Cadet and AP thank you both for your help earlier with the edits, encouragement, and validation suggestions!
I feel like I'm in a reality tv show lately. Seems like one thing after another. W seems very gung ho on S, but I'm getting some weird/different behavior by not talking to her post blowup on Sunday.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
W went to bed last night at 415am. Not sure what her deal is. Girls are already up so W will need to be up by 745 to get them to camp. 3.5 hrs will make a grumpy W today.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
BTW - my W would offer me gifts of food when she felt guilty for something. I think it was one of her "love languages". I need to re-read that book.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
No way to tell if she's being honest about the abnormal test. I'd assume she is but with a touch of detachment on hand, maybe?
The letter should make for some interesting and (likely) troubling reading. Stay detached (easy for me to say!).
She really seems all over the place; rubbing the PA in your face and unapologetic, but wearing revealing or very little clothing, wanting to talk over drinks, writing you a long letter, staying up really late . . . just really all over the place. It has to be hard holding it together for your D's sake. I'd want to run screaming and shirk all responsibilities for a month or two.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
AP, I've got that book next on my list to read after the book I'm going through about D and me. Unsure what W is trying to accomplish w/ the clothes etc. She's used intimacy to influence my behavior in the past, but it's been awhile.
JR, yep, I'm hoping my msg to her last night came of as validating and open to talking about it, but still stand off-ish. I'm trying to draw a line b/t the OM situation and this, though am finding it difficult to do.
My biggest issue w/ all this is it pulls my focus away from me when I'm with D. I caught it doing that last Saturday while W was at lake and had a hard time quashing it. I found it doing the same yesterday too. It's not fair to D so I'm trying to be cognizant of when it's occurring so I can push it down until I'm alone. Probably not healthy, but need to make sure I'm 100% there for D while we're together.
But yes, I feel like I'm going to have a few more gray hairs before all is said and done...
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
