I believe it is your level of insecurity that is blantantly obvious.
I am a well-adjusted, professional, divorced mother who has accomplished so much more than you can imagine, and all through adversity. I'm quite proud of myself. I slipped and fell many times as a new mother who's husband had just left her for another woman when their first and only child was an infant. so many people here picked me back up, and I thought I would come back and pay it forward.
But clearly, you would rather dismiss anything that might help you and your children. please, continue to be judgemental and close-minded and so self-assured you are right and everything else is wrong. I would not be shocked to know that these were some of your wife's complaints. You say you had the perfect marriage, but clearly it was not. Maybe what you had viewed as perfect, but it obvious your wife did not. You cannot see anyone elses point of view. But you can just blame that on a MLC and take zero responsibility.
Ginger, I understand that you hate your husband for leaving you when the baby was an infant and it's almost impossible for you to tell the child that you love his father since he just disappeared from what I understand, the child will never meet him and he is pretty much dead. Your situation is different. It must be very hard.
Cld, my kids are VERY affected by the divorce. We can no longer do things as a family. Their ideas of the two of us being their model of a great marriage are shattered. As my daughter asked me recently, "was it all an illusion? A lie?" They saw love, and then suddenly (to them) this. Why would you assume that they are unaffected. Their understanding is on a much much deeper level BECAUSE they are adults. They've had experiences to compare our relationship to (ex boyfriends). Breakups, an understanding of how it affects one financially, emotionally, mentally, physically. Look at how you, as an adult, are affected by YOUR separation. Go back and re-read my post without being defensive. Children have an un-developed understanding of relationships...no experiences to pull from or cognitive development level to understand relationships on a level beyond how it affects their immediate needs. The need to be fed, clothed, sheltered,safe and loved. How you feel about their mom is, unfortunately, most likely beyond their worry level EXCEPT in how it affects the previously stated needs.
Could it possibly be that your assumptions about how things should be, and your inability to try to see another point of view as possibly having merit have affected your relationship? In DBing a marriage, it is very important to look very deeply at ourselves and our own behavior in order to 180 or do the opposite of what we have been doing with our spouse. What are your 180s? Have you tried to let go of controlling things? Have you tried to dig deep and remember anything your wife has said to you in the past that might have hinted at her negative feelings? Try 180ing. See what happens.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Ginger, I understand that you hate your husband for leaving you when the baby was an infant and it's almost impossible for you to tell the child that you love his father since he just disappeared from what I understand, the child will never meet him and he is pretty much dead. Your situation is different. It must be very hard.
What?! You aren't much of a listener, are you?
You understand incorrectly. I do not hate him. I love him as my daughter's father. I forgave him, I have a good R with him and his W. My daughter sees him every other weekend and one night a week. I always let my daughter know how much we both love her, and how every family member loves her, including her stepmother. She needs to know I respect her father and his wife. And I do that by SHOWING it to her. I SHOW respectful communication to her father and his wife. For her birthday, every year, me, my ex, and our daughter take her out, just the 3 of us and have fun together.
I would hone in on your listening and understanding skills which would both benefit your children and your R with your Wife. I can imagine she was never heard by you.
I am not going to argue with you anymore. I agree that we have all room for improvement and that nobody is perfect. Ultimately we will find out in a few years if our strategies work or if we are making mistakes right now.
