Look Forward & Ignore the Anger Spew

[vise82]

Hey Rich,

Thanks for stopping by my thread. You are too now in the same sitch as me living separate. It does get better. Some how it just does. Bit by bit and you will hardly notice.

Its so important to keep the focus on you and your child. That is what matters now as you make a new life in your new place.

Keep posting.

[poschan]

Hi Rich, vise is right to focus on us and our children, even though we find ourselves thinking about WAW this is normal as we have invested a lot of time with them. I had this notion in my mind that once married it was forever (death do us part) and have to realize what I want vs what I need. My relationship with WAW was not great the last few years but I was willing ot suck it up for the sake of my family and d. We didn't fight or argue it was just a lack...
I grew up in a single parent household so I was determined for d not to have the same, but look where we are...
Things will get better, just keep working on you and taking great care of d.

[rich4j]

Rich, I'm sure STBXW is cracking. She had to sometime. My Ex isn't cracking - she's enjoying winning. In her mind, she has won. Alas, it was a Pyrrhic victory. Time will teach her that lesson - I cannot.
.

Trumpet-thx....it's funny in a weird way but she is cracking. It's been a year of hell for me and now she is texting me how she was crying on vacation and is having such a hard time emotionally with the divorce. I guess moving was reality for her. I only texted back validation of her feelings ..yes its hard....and then back to business about our daughter

V & Poschan..thx for the notes of encouragement. I think we are all down the same road and have the same ups and downs.

I know this sounds bad but I am happy she is having such a hard time now. I hope it actually gets harder for her as I really feel she is starting to wake up from her year long fog of wanting to split up and never realizing that it takes 2 to tango and she actually has some skin in the game for why we had our issues.

[trumpet]

I really don't have much for feelings for the ex. Do you Rich?

I cry over the marriage, my failures in it, and for the kids. The roller coaster doesn't end at D, BTW. Just be ready. It does get easier. I think mourning the loss of the marriage is healthy and promotes the healing I need, if I ever get into another relationship.

I was headed into a relationship over the last couple weeks, and it felt good to feel wanted again. However, everyone has baggage, and sometimes that baggage trips up people. Going to be interesting dating down the road. The bags when you're in your 20's are a heck of a lot smaller than they are in your 40's.

[rich4j]

Trumpet- unfortunately I do some days and then some days I don't. If I am honest with myself it is a bi product of the anguish she put me thru this past year. She is struggling now about her decision but that is natural I guess and one of the many stages of divorce.

I am the same with the family aspect and my daughter..would love to have our family back together but at this point not just for the sake of being a family. I need more and would want more from her than I think she can give and that she could admit she needs work on. I have worked on myself throughout this ordeal and feel I know myself alot better and what I need to do in a relationship to improve communication and what I need.

Glad you are wanted! it does feel good..I have a former girlfriend I dated 20 years ago I ran into at the beach that we are casually going out on dates but with it known we both have baggage and I am not ready for anything but a nice date.

[lt0402]

Rich, just stopping by to check up on your situation and provide some support bud. I completely understand that the in house S thing is a complete downer. Still grinding through that myself, and probably will be for another few months at least.

It sounds like you're in a better spot now that you're getting settled into the new place though. Interesting to hear that your W is the one starting to go through emotional swings. It's amazing our Ws have no perception of what their actions are going to cause at the start of these things.

Not a lot of advice to provide as you are ahead of me in the process, but here to support you. Stay strong and keep pushing where your pushing brother!

[rich4j]

thx lt for stopping by as i will get caught up on your sitch.

Yes...its much better being out of there but as I have posted to others in similar situations, it is lonely. Only when my d7 and dog aren't here.....
I do have so much to get done with the house that there isn't time to breath....

But I have bouts of sadness and gladness. I will use this time to really really really figure out if I miss her at this point ....or really miss the relationship/family

There is a huge difference. I have taken to heart some of the advice that the divorce is just a piece of paper. It doesn't phase me anymore....I just have to know what my true feelings are regardless of what she thinks or feels for me to move on to the next chapter.

[rich4j]

Its been a few days without D7 and really my first weekend alone in the house w/out a ton of plans. I met a friend for HH friday and then a friend came to town to help me decorate...she is much better than I am at putting a house together.

I struggled alot the last 3 days. The ups and downs. My STBX has been communicating a bit via text just around some D7 stuff

I feel as she has hooked me back in with the recent "I am struggling so much right now the Divorce" stuff. I let myself think she may finally be waking up, which maybe she is, from her last 12 months of checking out and never checking back in. And that she really is starting to miss me....

It [censored]. I felt like I was starting to pull away and do alot better in my path towards figuring this all out. I went back and read some others threads and it seems its a common theme too of the "hope" that something is still there when the STBX shows a glimpse of light. And we run towards that light but the truth may be just that it means nada. That it is just really that she does miss me but still doesn't mean she loves me anymore or there is any future.

I think I know in my heart that is the fact but once again it brought me back down a bit.

Its hard to go totally dark on her and just carry on with the custody schedule and the back n forth. I am going to have to try to manage this better so I can isolate myself more from her to be able to stay in the positive zone versus the latter. Any good thoughts or recommendations welcomed....

[poschan]

Hi Rich, just checking in...it's tough being alone at first but then I remember my days before WAW and everything was ok then. I still get sad and lonely but for me it's more about not seeing d8 every day. However, on the days she is with me we try to do alot of activities...even if its just going to the pool or playing in the yard. I'm not sure how I feel about WAW anymore, I seem to be numb. A friend of mine recently told me to stick to the actual facts instead of what my mind thinks...this has helped me to focus somewhat and realize the issues of the R and who walked away (not sure if I will ever know why).
Focus on the facts, examine your thoughts for negatives and purge...
Stay positive, we got this brother!

[poschan]

Hey Rich! how are you doing?