cheesyt 2

[hawker]

Good luck cheesyt!!!!!! Let us know how it goes!! Stay strong!!

[maybs]

Good luck! Let us know!!! You got this!

[cheesyt]

update, got to the school saw on a billboard that Back to school night was yesterday, was kind of upset I was not invited.

W sent text that W & D were at coffee shop, & that W got me coffee.

W arrived at school I met her, said hi to D talked and walked toward her morning line up group. W and I small talked, mainly about the kids, parents. (D has been with same group of kids since Kinder)

Talked about how while D was away these past two weeks the lady watching her had no respect for W's wishes, Lady shaved D's legs (D is 10) dyed her hair, talked about getting D a smart phone (everything without asking permission, of course) W was not happy, she complained for a few min (just realized I didn't validate but Idk that I had to?) I wanted to laugh. Mainly because none of this would've happened had I been "in control" meaning, D would've stayed with us for the remainder of the summer and no "boundaries" (my Wife's new word) would've been crossed.

I did ask W if there was a reason why I was not invited to back to school night, W gave me a look and said no. Didn't press further.

D went into school, I said thank you again to W for coffee said bye and walked away. W walked by herself a few steps behind me.

W looked amazing. I made sure I looked my best as well. She laughed a bit, I made sure I smiled.

Miss her, wish things were different.
It seems to me like being Dark is not affecting W.

[cheesyt]

just sitting here thinking of our interactions, Its weird when we are "Friends" and even today, just talking about kids and stuff, my W is there..she's there. I can see her.

I just don't understand why in the heck we aren't together. Why if she's so close we don't try it. It makes me upset. We really aren't bad. I don't understand it. Our problems can be handled, yes with work. I find it so hard to believe she doesn't want to "try". some days I think I love her more with each day. the more I dim, or go dark the more I miss her.

unbelievable to think we're here.

[hawker]

I know what you mean cheesyt...my wife and I never fought, everyone envied our relationship, we talked about retiring together...and then bam...it still feels like a bad dream....

[lfm]

I'm in the same boat, my WW and I had what I thought was a pretty decent marriage, we very rarely fight, we're great parents together, and we've always balanced each other out.

With that said, I understand and accept my part in opening her up to becoming WW and am working through that. I agree that there are moments where the wife I fell in love with years ago is 100% there and present and then there are times where she is completely different.

I don't know where we'll end up, feels more and more like we're headed for D as she shows no signs of wanting to work on the MR, and that's okay. As much as I feel I've dettached and am working on moving on with my life without her, there's still a small piece that is still holding on to what could be if she ever figures it out.

I think a lot of us are in the same boat, living in a bad dream, trying to move forward as best we can.

[hawker]

I agree lfm...sounds like all our WW are the same...I have been trying to move on with my life the best I can but I have the tiny piece of her figuring it out as well....

[JRuss]

cheesyt -- I so much can relate. I was caught completely unaware when the BD came and have been trying ever since to get my W to see enough value in what we could be to be willing to work at it, go see a MC, etc. To date I haven't been successful, and I know what you're feeling. Our brains can be our own worst enemy because they have the ability to show us what it could be like, if only . . .

Hankg in there!

[cheesyt]

thanks all - that's the thing, my brain is wired to look back and I do see bad, I do see countless mistakes, endless fights, just stupid things, but I mostly (maybe we chose it?) see good. I see so many good memories, so many happy times. Our WW are done seeing good, they see BAD. how could they forget? those good / amazing times are all I remember...how can they not?!

I got a pic of W&D&myself from this morning...it's amazing how happy we all look. how deceiving a picture can be eh.

think W just temp checked me...we've discussed Friday me picking up D twice on text and once this morning and she just re asked. or she just doesn't listen. which sounds more probable at this point. I don't know.

My birthday is in a few days...is it weird that I hope she sends me flowers to work or gets me a gift? Or even asks to see me..?
I know the chances of that happening are slim to none, as It's around the corner and she's yet to bring it up....I told my co worker how crappy a bday it would be. A few days later he magically found some beer event at some bar that he's going to. Without asking directly he told me he'd be there and If he should save me a seat.

Tomorrow is a new day.

[cheesyt]

not in a good place mentally right now. I just want to call the W and tell her I love her and I miss her. of course this would accomplish nothing because she would not say it back.

W texted about D's school stuff, then about my cat. W asked me to clean his litter when I go over for visitation. Straight and to the point. Lots. Of. Periods. When she text's like that she's not happy. W has been texting this way ever since that nasty email she sent. I feel stuck, we aren't moving in a better direction, or any direction for that matter. is this normal?
I know with the LRT nothing can happen, but then what?

googled D lawyers, I look them up when I get emotional, I just want this hurt to end. (I know on DB it says divorce is a quick fix but doesn't take the pain away)

But whichever way it goes I will take it and do my best to make the best of it.

-no direction...again.