(((Cheesy))), I hope you feel a little better after spending some time with your friend?
When we are in so much pain it's difficult to not think our S should be feeling that same pain too so when we see/hear them doing fun stuff it just doesn't seem right. I'm off on holiday with my D tomorrow and I heard H is going abroad as well to stay with a friend of his. Last month I would have been really annoyed and upset but now I am hoping he has a nice time. Although I would have preferred we went together (we cancelled a holiday we had booked as a family when he left) I just think we all need some time away from this situation.
I know when I come back it will be hard with our anniversary and my birthday but I'm going to cross that bridge when I get to it. For now it's sun, sea and sangria for me!!!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Journaling- woke up with doubt in my mind. Lots of it. I'm in a decent place emotionally and mentally. I can't help but think that GAL is bringing me further from my M and my W. And that her GAL activities are doing the same. I truly in my heart don't see us R anytime soon. In my mind we were supposed to R once she figured out stuff with OM but that's been over and we are even further apart.
I updated snapchat and W looked at it, I had some "fun" pics. W often updates hers, I never look, it hurts to look, same with fbook. Well this morning I noticed she deleted me from snapchat. No idea why. I know this isn't important, it's so minuscule but still makes me wonder.
I'm hurt, I hurt. I feel like gal activities just numb me sometimes. I'm enjoying my life, I even caught myself texting "I'm happy" to a friend yesterday. Also caught myself thinking "oh no roomate comes back in a few days, I like living alone". I know I've come a long way already. I can function alone and don't get sucked into negative thoughts 90% of the time anymore. I know I'm on the right track for myself, but then why does it feel like the right path for myself is the furthest path from my M and W?
I just need a moment I guess. I will pick myself up after I finish typing this and I will carry on with my day with a smile on my face.
journaling - first weekend day I spend alone and I am sane. woke up rather late (backed up on sleep) went grocery shopping, then watched some netflix, cleaned some (roommate comes back tomorrow), have plenty of laundry to put away and I rented a movie. got cookies so I can have a nice little snack later and will just hang out by myself for the rest of the day. I dig it. It has taken 4 months to get to a place where I am not a sh*t show when I have alone and "down time". Didn't actually think I'd be here, but look at me, living and stuff.
No temp checks from the W, no nothing. Miss her, but I'm ok.
Inspiring cheesyt. Down to the cookies. My downtime can still be spent lying in bed staring at ceiling, but I'll try to follow your lead. Have a good rest of weekend!!
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
w texted me earlier asking about D's birth cert. Then a few hours later she called. I finally replied with I didn't know about birth cert. W asked If I could call her, W re asked if I knew about birth cert, then asked if I had been by the house (we had agreed two weeks ago I was not allowed to come over unannounced, I have kept my word on that) I told her no, W said "hmm I left a brush somewhere and It was moved" Great. Freaking great, now I'm sure she thinks I'm lying. I said per our agreement I would check with her first, that I hadn't been by. W still sounded skeptical but asked "are you ok" I concluded with yes, I have to go, she said ok and bye.
I know she thinks I was there, so I texted her that I don't have a car that it's at the shop since Friday. W said sorry hope its ok. (Didn't want her to know about my own personal issues, like the car thing, I don't want or need her to feel bad for me. It really does feel like EVERYTHING is going wrong in my life. The only difference is emotionally and mentally I am in a better place than when It began a few months ago)
I'm annoyed, I'm sure she doesn't remember where she left her brush. I already have so much against me, I don't need her thinking I'm not following some simple rules.
aughhhh I don't know what to feel or think. Getting overwhelmed and emotional really quickly.
W- got tickets to grad. are you wanting to go or not? M-do you want me there w- that wasn't the ? W- you don't even know if you want to be friends. This is your decision M- I would like to go if you want me to. I will respect your decision if you don want me there. W- ok its...blah blah I'll give you a ticket when I see you.
W threw the friends thing in my face. Doesn't make me feel good.
Just because we aren't friend doesn't mean I don't want what's best. Then I started thinking about how I was there helping her study, D and I gave up OUR time so she could study, I woke up with her at 4-5-6am to pack lunch, to get coffee, or just for company...anything to help her. I hate how this is turning out. I hate that it's even a question. I hate that I'm actually debating on not going. We (cus I always told her, we are both in nursing school not just her) put so much time and effort into this, in different ways yes, but damn. So much of me went into her going to school...our lives. everything. for it to be this..."business" conversations.
having a moment. will be ok, but right now I hate this.
The key to this stuff is to not give a flying f*ck what the WW wants; if you want to go to the graduation, then go. If you want (or need) one of the tickets, then tell your WW you'd like one of the tickets but you're not going to sit next to her stinky @ss.
Of course, I wouldn't be so crass as to call my WW a stinky @ss. Well, I probably would, but I'm not suggesting that you do that.
The point I'm trying to make is that you should go if you want to go and don't allow your WW to determine what you do.
No one wants to sit by a stinky @ss...just not pleasant!
seriously though, cheesyt, doodler and hawker are right. go if you want to and stay home if you don't. It seems like we get caught up in the nuances of every situation w/ WWs when we should just be viewing it as a binary decision.
It seems like you had a lot invested in the nursing school process and that you want to go. I'd offer you go for you and not sit near her.
Hang in there brother!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
First day of school for D tomorrow, get to see W. Not nervous. Surprisingly. I'm not there for her, or as her friend. Just there for my D. Excited to see her and talk to her as I haven't seen D since W sent her away with relatives for the past two weeks. I hope all goes smooth and no awkwardness but who knows. I definitely will not fall into "family" role. I've done that time and time again. I'm sure she will be all dressed and looking good, but hey, so will I! Wish me luck all!
