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cheesyt #2695853 08/10/16 09:04 AM
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You are married, you don't want to be friends...you wouldn't want a friend like her anyhow since she ruined your marriage and broke your trust and broke up your family....


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

hawker #2695854 08/10/16 09:16 AM
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I feel like Hawker just did the equivalent of a mic drop online... Nailed it


W:32 M:26
T:5 yrs M: 3 yr
BD: JUN 2016
W Moved out: early JUL 2016
W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016
EA: 06/16?
PA: 07/16
Moved in w/ ow: 07/16
D final: 10/16
maybs #2695862 08/10/16 09:52 AM
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I think from a communication standpoint, we LBS' tend to get overly concerned about replying to every point/question, and trying to make sure our position is always clearly understood. I know I'm guilty of that.

Often, the best response is to not respond, or to leave a little mystery.

I might respond with something like "Right now I'm just focused on enjoying time with D and making some improvements in my life."

You don't necessarily need to address the 'friends' thing directly. It's good if the WW isn't always sure where you stand. Perhaps let her continue to wonder about whether you are now the one walking away from her.


Me, WW - Upper 30s
BD - Apr 1 2016
EA - Apr 7 2016 (discovered; ongoing for months; did not confront right away)
Confronted wife about EA - May 17
Wife sent NC email to OM - July 11
EDF #2695867 08/10/16 09:59 AM
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cheesyt Offline OP
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thanks EDF,

I actually responded with something very very similar

Me- trying to decide what's best, focusing on R with D.

W- Got it.

I like what you said here - "let her continue to wonder about whether you are now the one walking away from her"

thank you!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
cheesyt #2695969 08/10/16 07:42 PM
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Anything new? smile


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

hawker #2696043 08/11/16 07:43 AM
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cheesyt Offline OP
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Pretty sure this is not a temp check. as these are important things.

W needs D's birth cert to get D passport for that lovely vacation they're taking, Passport is in safety deposit box. We have two keys, we each have one...W texted asking if I knew where it was. of course i know where mine is, and I'm pretty sure I could figure out where hers is. This is how things functioned in our M, wife would make a comment, and I'd "fix" it or "do it" today, I said I have mine, no idea about yours. W texted she needed and asked if she could come pick up. I said yes. W texted she'd let me know what time. I texted whenever, It'll be in the front seat.

W has a key to my car, no need for me to go out there and hand her a key. W has done this before I went dim, W would need something and come around lunch time and ask to go to lunch. Not giving her the option this time.

W also asked where W's passport was, go figure I know where its at.

another good morning so far. day 5 of good days!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
cheesyt #2696094 08/11/16 11:54 AM
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cheesyt Offline OP
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I'm asking it ahead of time, My birthday is coming up, wondering if the W asks to hang out what do I say?
I'm not doing much, most of my friends already have stuff going on and I work that day anyway, but I'm wondering about the weekend and stuff.

I feel like it'll just make me sad to hang out with her on my birthday. I don't know.

What would everyone else do?


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
cheesyt #2696097 08/11/16 12:16 PM
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I have the same issue Cheesyt. I go on holiday on Sunday and the day I come back it will be our sixth wedding anniversary and then two days after my bitrhday. I am hoping he won't suggest anything as it will be awkward but then part of me thinks if he doesn't what does that mean... ?


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Coly23 #2696130 08/11/16 02:37 PM
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cheesyt Offline OP
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Coly, we actually talked about anniversary, and we concluded that since we are separated, there was noting to celebrate.

so, what is there to celebrate?

the birthday is more of a gray area, for my at least.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
cheesyt #2696367 08/12/16 05:11 PM
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cheesyt Offline OP
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Update - I have a specific ringtone for W, could've sworn I heard it, but no. I've had 5 really good days, minor let downs, my foot took a crap, not sure how. can't keep my training schedule for the half. No longer can do the half I wanted, oh well. My car took a crap and I was wishing my W were around for me to call and make me feel better. Turns out I felt better with out wife. Caught wind on snapchat that she's out hiking, feeling emotional,just Cus she never went hiking with me, again she's out having a great time and I am too, just wish we had a great time together. Don't know. Just a slight set back, but I know I'll dust myself off and carry on with or without her. Have a couple of GAL activities this weekend, keeping a positive outlook. At a friends now, mentioned the slightest disappointment about W and he quickly did his best to make me feel better / reminded me I cannot worry about her. I love having good friends.

Hope everyone has a good Friday.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
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