What should I be doing (Working toward D 9)

[Coconut]

just for clarification, not angry right now, just thoughts about my ever changing emotions, wants and needs that keep coming and going.

[doodler]

Oh! I guess I'm the one that's angry. Projection - sorry.

[Rose888]

I would probably move to an apartment nearby and save any move out of the area for after S moves to college.

If you find that living in your own space in the area is not helping you enough, you can always revisit the decision.

I'm sorry. The whole thing [censored].

[sandi2]

Feel so lost and confused, I feel like I don’t know where I am or where I want to go, how do I get out of this daze? My sons world is going to be turned upside down, I could stop that by staying were I am, but how do I manage being around her, how do I keep the anger and hurt at bay?

On one hand I relish the freedom, I can leave or I can stay, I’ve always wanted to live in the country and now I have the chance. But do I leave my Son, am I unable to heal without disappearing, am I even able to heal if I do. Will going just make me wish they were there to share in the adventure, will I enjoy it without someone there? But the anger, I’ve never felt such anger, it boils up in me and makes me want to unleash my fury. The pain I feel, it feels so unfair, I want to make her hurt too, but doing so doesn’t take it away from me. I’ve been mean, I’ve been nice, but nothing feels right, I don’t even know what right is anymore.

How do you heal when the person that holds your heart shatters it, how do you get past the indifference to the love that you shared, was it ever real???? How could she do what she did and kiss me hello or goodbye… I want to get away, get as far away from it all as possible, but will it come with me, if it is in me how do I get it out? Do I face it head on, or hide and hope it doesn’t find me, I just want it to go away but no matter how much I wish it away it keeps coming back.

((Coconut)), I wanted to let you know that I am still here. I have not forsaken you. When I read your post, I cried, b/c it expresses the power of betrayal. I cried for you and every spouse who has ever worn these shoes. I cried for my own H, and the pain he endured from my betrayal. You see, he would not talk to me about it. So, I hear it from those that are here on the board. After nine years, it still hurts to know what I did to the one who loved me most.

I can't tell you how to get through it. I feel I am better suited to give advice about the WW. So if I don't have as much to say at this point of your journey....just know that I care very much, and I check every day to see if you have posted.

[Ginger1]

I'm sorry C-nut. I know the pain and the betrayal, wondering if anything was ever real.

I honestly can't tell you how I've done it, but I have healed, with a few scars left behind. I healed with a blaring A in my face. With my infant daughter spending time with OW, with them moving in together, through their marriage.

Betrayal is a very tough one to get over. But it is doable. What you know or knew to be true is true. don't discredit what you felt and what you had at one point.

It is a process that can't be rushed as much as we want it to. I do suggest you stay in IC to deal with the pain and the feelings all over the place.

It does fade as long as you don't allow yourself to get stuck there. But you still have to get through it, you can't get over it.

[Natus]

Hey C-Nut, Nothing you can but feel all of it. You will come out the other side. I did. I spent months feeling that way (i started grieving even before physical sep cause im psychic). You will feel the lowest of lows but it will pass.

You will find hope in yourself and son when you are ready. The sun can only rise after darkness.

[RSG]

Cnut. Sorry to hear it man. We do sound similar. I hit those peaks of anger and valleys of despair the same way.

The pain you feel is unfair. You have been wronged in a terrible way. This is why I feel like, once D has been decided upon, it's more than OK to have an anger session and let them have it. You've gotta get it out, and they deserve to hear how you feel.

Your love was real. If it wasn't, you wouldn't be so angry about what she's done. You can do this brother. You need to be the strength for your son. You can do that.

Hope that helped a little, just trying to pay you back for the great advice you've given me.

[Coconut]

((Coconut)), I wanted to let you know that I am still here. I have not forsaken you. When I read your post, I cried, b/c it expresses the power of betrayal. I cried for you and every spouse who has ever worn these shoes. I cried for my own H, and the pain he endured from my betrayal. You see, he would not talk to me about it. So, I hear it from those that are here on the board. After nine years, it still hurts to know what I did to the one who loved me most.

I can't tell you how to get through it. I feel I am better suited to give advice about the WW. So if I don't have as much to say at this point of your journey....just know that I care very much, and I check every day to see if you have posted.

Sandi2, I've read what I posted 30 times today and it's made me cry every time.. I'm not an artistic type person, but I wrote these emotions out as honest and unfiltered as I could, as I imagine a true artist evokes emotion from their writing by making themselves vulnerable and allow others to see their true self... I have no doubt your H was hurt by what occurred, but knowing the demons you faced and the reluctance you initially had being in the same room with, much less piecing with your H, he also got the best of you when you decided you wanted to Love him.

That is where my WW is lacking, she doesn't have an understanding that everyday isn't going to be roses, that there are things about our spouses that are not going to be attractive and may even be repulsive, but if you don't give up, if you truly WANT to love that person, you will find happiness with the good, and true acceptance of the other things.

It's been many years since I've seen it, but in the movie Good Will Hunting, Robin Williams said that when he thought of his deceased W, the things he remembered most fondly of his W were the things no one else got to share, like Her farts under the covers and how embarrassed she would get. true happiness in M requires getting past the superficial, getting past looking to others for acceptance of who you've chosen, and appreciating getting to share in the "real life" of the person your with, and having someone else know the real you as well...

You've given that and so much more to your H. I truly believe a good person can make bad mistakes, but it takes an exceptional person to not only recognize their mistake, but suffer through their repulsion of someone, knowing that they will do anything to find the Love again.. You are an amazing woman Sandi2, I hope your husband knows how lucky he is to share his life with you. Not to mention the countless number of people you've helped understand their WW, I've said it before, but I'll repeat that I believe God put you through your trials so you could gain the knowledge needed to help so many others..


To everyone else, I appreciate your support, at the present time I'm just fumbling my way through this mess, I'm not in the best place right now so I've been lacking in sharing with others on their threads, but I am reading and will interject when I feel I have something to offer... I will be back to my normal self eventually, but for now I'm grieving and keeping to myself a little.

[CT1118]

Coconut,

Putting my arms around you right now friend, let it all out. We're all got your 6.

[Surfer]

Doodled. Love this! Get the guns on Coconut. "Welcome to the Jungle"! Or better still Rage Against the Machine - you know the tune!