Thanks Maybs...well it took my wife 3 1/2 months to leave the house and she has stayed in contact everyday since until last week when I really started to not talk to her....I know I have to do something different and I am going to listen to you guys and be tough....I hope it will be worth it in the long run!!
Thank you for your 2 cents!! You are strong not seeing her or speaking to her, she probably cannot believe it!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Oh I'm sure she expected me to try to speak to her by now. That was my behavior when all this first started. Like others have said I felt like talking was keeping us closer, but that was just an illusion.
So I completely 180'd.
I will not ever pretend it's easy. There's probably 5 times a day when I think of an excuse to try to talk to her and have to remind myself that it's not important and the effort I've put into staying away from her this long would be wasted if I gave in over something stupid.
Baby steps - one day at a time.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
right with you girls. I needed a dress for the party the other night, went to buy one instead of asking if I could stop by. Really want my spare key to my car (for running) but I'll just suck it up until D comes back and I have to see her for back to school!
totally not worth it!
you girls are doing great! keep it up.
Maybs how awkward was that call? haha cool that she answered though.
It was uncomfortable. And I never want to do it again.
Not even kidding I'm having a key made today to give to a friend of mine just in case.
Good job on not giving in! It's not worth it, plus sometimes it's nice to have a new dress.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Remember, NC is extremely difficult, and it's like an addiction, where our brains try and talk us out of it. But it's worth it. And if it doesn't work after a while, try something different, just like MWD says in Divorce Remedy.
My DB coach preferred being dim to being dark. As best I understand, it goes like this. The key word is indifference. You don't ignore texts and calls, but you take your own sweet time to reply. When you do, it's short and to the point. Don't ask questions about how they're doing, what they're doing... or who they're doing. Why? Because you are just so darn busy! You have your own glorious life to live, and if they choose not to share it with you, then it's their loss! Don't be sarcastic or mean or anything, just indifferent for the most part.
Hawk, I do see so many parallels in our situations, and I do think you're on the cusp of getting her back if you follow the DB techniques MWD talks about. Re-read the book!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
You are right NY...it is like an addiction...like I think I have it under control and then there is contact and I cave...its not working so I am going to do what you suggest....I will re-read the book today!! I see the same parallels....I just need to be stronger like you! Thank you!!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Oh, I wasn't strong. Mainly lucky that she kept contacting me so I could semi-ignore her. Think of this as a big 180. See what works and keep doing that. See what doesn't work (after a reasonable amount of time) and stop doing that.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
