Newbie Thread 2

[hawker]

It's ok!!! Yes I remember reading that too. Not sure who it was

[hawker]

Just a quick update...my W came over yesterday on my time terms to show me how to clean the pool filters...she hung out with the dogs while I went and did my own thing (laundry, etc)....she took a few more clothes....I didn't ask any questions on R or OW...it was ok nothing major...she left and she texted something about a new road going up by the house...

So I guess I will go back to being dim.....and GAL....I have a pool party today with friends which will be fun, first preseason football game!!!

[hawker]

I also forgot to mention that she said she was going to happy hour with a bunch of her old friends. I said "have fun"...she was acting all depressed and said "I will try"...is it normal for the WW to act that way towards the LBS? Is she trying to get me to feel sorry for her or what? I didn't say anything...

[cheesyt]

sounds like she may just be having a rough time. It could have nothing to do with you. My W once mentioned things arent always how they seem after I mentioned she looked so happy (a few weeks after I moved out)

I personally don't want to know what the W is up to. The less I know, the less anxious I become.

[hawker]

True maybe she is just having a hard time. Yes the less I know the better as well!!

[NYGal]

Hi everyone, IMHO, and you can take it or leave it, I think you are missing out on an opportunity, hawk.

If W is depressed, let her sit in it without you. I think you've had plenty of time for her to rekindle old feelings, and it's not working! She is in no hurry to make a decision when she gets to see you and text with you and even show you how to do the pool filters.

Again, just my opinion, but next time there's something about the house that she offers to help with, just tell her you've handled it. Figure out pool filters and such yourself. Don't let her work out her guilt by helping you. She needs to sit in her guilt and confusion and worry that she's losing you.

I say all this only because I really believe you have a good chance of getting her back. But she knows you are just there waiting and putting up with her cr@p while she plans things with ow.

In my situation, things were reversed. W would text or call with house questions and I always responded because I know it kept us close. And now she admits it was temp checking. But that damn temp checking kept her hanging on to ow for way too long. W knew I was still there for her. Until the day before they went on vacation. I thought at the time I was handling it miserably. I got angry and said I needed to know what her plans were (i.e. did we have a chance) because I wanted to move forward with my life. She didn't want to talk about it. I did everything DB said not to do -- I insisted, I begged, I pleaded, then I got angry. And off she went.

While she was on vacation, she started to worry that I really meant it. The vacay didn't live up to expectations I guess, and coupled with her fear that she was losing me, made her, well, get off the pot so to speak.

Hawk, I really don't know all the details of your situation, but it seems to me it's time to forget about softball and play hard ball! That was a joke. But seriously. Play tough! Let her miss you! Please.

[maybs]

I have to agree with NYGal and tried to allude to it before, I'm just not so eloquent with words online.

I think your W is trying to make up excuses to see you and temp check you and I can even see how it would "ease her guilt" to help you with things.

Just my opinion though.

[cheesyt]

nygal I like how you view / put things.
"In my situation, things were reversed. W would text or call with house questions and I always responded because I know it kept us close. "

-that's me exactly me! always there to fix the house!

no more cake eating gals!

[hawker]

Ok...I get it...you all our right...thanks NYGal I think you are right, she is trying to ease her way out of the guilt...I was like you and thought the communication would bring us closer but it is not, its just letting her keep hanging on to the OW...I will listen and play hardball since you said please. Just kidding I know being nice and always there for her isn't making her miss me...ugh..

Maybs you are correct, temp checking and easing guilt...

Cheesyt...no more cake eating!!

[maybs]

I know it's hard to make her miss you. I haven't seen my W in nearly a month and haven't spoken to her AT ALL for 3 weeks. And she is just now starting to be curious about what I'm doing without her.

It takes time. I know for my W she felt like she couldn't get away from me fast enough or far enough. It's taken this much time just for her to stop running farther and be even a tiny bit curious about my life without her.

It's hard and it su*ks but if you can do it, I think it will be worth it.

Just my 2 cents.