A door opening...

[Sotto]

Hi Guys,


JKSD- thanks for posting...yes he is nice, and we'll see how things unfold :-)

Bttrfly- yes I'm sure you're right. I feel I couldn't see XH and me together again anyway, however the loss is still sad - not all the time but some of the time.

Dawn - thank you. Yes 2+ years is a long time. I always think our steps just need to be in the right direction and ultimately we get there.

Well, the marital home sold on Friday. That was a good day and great to feel the weight of that property lift from my shoulders. For two years I haven't lived there and it has been mostly empty. I'm still getting used to not having to think about it. Great to log on to my current account and see funds from the sale there too. And nice to post a card to the new owners at that address, which is no longer mine. I'm glad to think of someone else being happy in that lovely house. Went out with a friend for drinks Friday evening to celebrate.

I feel pretty much better now. I've had a quieter time and I've been pottering about buying things and generally getting ready to move (in 2 weeks time.) A bit of contact with XH about house stuff and I've asked him to let me know when he wants to close down the joint account...no response from him on that so far. He may be busy moving himself. To be fair, he has been pretty helpful on the house sale - arranging the house clearance, cleaning and contacting the utilities and so on. I haven't had to do that much - though I have offered. It may be some guilt on his part, or he may just feel I'm flaky...

Saw NG last week and we've had a couple of text exchanges since. I arrived at an event, and there was a seat next to him, so I popped myself right in it and we had some nice chats. Makes me realise I am much more confident than when I first met XH - I would have panicked and probably sat somewhere else then - even if I'd wanted to sit there!

Work the next couple of days and salsa class, movie with friends, doggie-sitting and yoga on Wednesday - busy few days coming up - but it will make the move come all the quicker hopefully.

Hope everyone had a good weekend xx

[Sotto]

Hi all, just dropping in for a quick update. Nothing much to report....had the usual stuff on this week, salsa, gym, yoga, bookstore, work. Went out with a friend to visit a craftsman in his studio on Friday - that was interesting.

I'm in the pre-move stage now. A little early to pack, but time drawing near. I've been doing a couple of upcycling projects and a bit of sewing. Wednesday I collect boxes and Friday, start packing in earnest. I move a week on Monday. Seeing my L on Tuesday and hopefully will exchange next week. I may get the keys before the end of the week, which would be nice.

Still trying to make arrangements to get the joint account closed down or my name taken off it. Emailed XH a couple of weeks ago to say - let me know when you want us to do this. No response. Late this week, I found a form I can complete to get my name taken off (if he agrees). Emailed him to say - is it easiest if I just do this form and post to you? Still no response. If I've not heard from him by middle of next week, I'm going in to the bank to ask what the best plan is.

NG and I still having contact at work and a little texting outside of work. A couple of times, he has said to me - I'll put some champagne on ice (WRT moving and another success...nothing big.) This week, he said to me - I actually do have a bottle of champagne in the fridge. I was a bit flustered and didn't follow up on that one. I don't feel I would be comfortable visiting his for a glass of champagne - but I wouldn't mind a drink out once I've moved, and I may well suggest it.

And now for today's exciting news! So, one of the nice things about XH - he was a morning person and always brought me a coffee in bed. I loved that, and it's one of the big things I miss. Well, this week I read about a coffee machine with an app, that you just switch on from the bed. Wow - I thought!! I can just replace XH with an app - perfect!
But the reviews weren't that great. However, I have bought a cheaper machine with great reviews and a timer you can set the night before - so I'm looking forward to waking up and smelling the coffee!

Anyway - that's it from me folks and hope you're having a good weekend xx

[job]

Sotto,
I would take my divorce decree w/me to the bank and show them that you are divorced. That should help w/removing your name off the account.

You are doing beautifully and things are falling into place for you. I'm very happy about you finally getting a new place and it won't be long before you are packed and moved. This will be another weight off your shoulders.

You will enjoy waking up to the smell of fresh coffee every morning!

Enjoy your weekend!

[Rouky]

Dear Sotto, I wanted to wish you a good move for next week as I'm off to see family and won't have any internet connection. I'll be thinking of you.

You are in such a good place that I hope to follow your foot steps soon.

I'll bring the drinks when I'm back xx

[Sotto]

Thanks Job and Rouky :-)

Not updated for a little while....so here we go. Managed to get the joint account sorted this week. XH came back to me with the completed form and I signed it and took it to the bank. Once his name is off, I'll just close the account down.

The house also completed this week, which is good. It was a bit frustrating and a bit of an anti climax actually. When I went in and it was empty, it looked a bit forlorn and it needs a good clean too. I'm going to be busy next couple of days before the removals come on Monday. I plan to get the main bedroom painted, the carpets cleaned and clean the rest of the house too....busy weekend for me as need to finish packing up the flat too...part way there with that and don't have too much stuff...

So, nice guy at work and I texted some more and he ended up saying to me - hey, we should get together for a glass of wine sometime. I said that would be nice. Then I suggested the one night I'm up in his town last week and we arranged that. But then on the morning, he texted to say would I mind if we postpone as he's having one of those weeks....but he'd like to get together another time. I said, for sure no problem...& hoped his week improves.

But, I did have a bit of a vulnerability meltdown behind the scenes. Did he think he was interested then change his mind? Does he still love his XW? Did he just get cold feet? Was he scared? I don't know...We've exchanged a couple of texts since, but I've backed off a little. I think I'll just wait and see what unfolds.

Other than that, had a couple of social things this week - salsa and dinner out with a couple of girls from my divorce group. Funny - we got talking about what exes looked like and got our phones out to share pics of XHs. I showed mine, and both girls said - Wow, I expected your XH would be much better looking than that! Did me some good

Anyway - house prep all weekend, move on Monday, hand the flat keys over on Tues, then sorting out for the rest of the week.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend xx

[DonH]

Well I'm going to give you the advice that likely you and others would give to me - and honestly that I give to all my friends. It's more about him than it is about you. It really is and I know you believe it. Thing is, when it happens to us, it's hard to believe it, isn't it? I can't answer as to why he called to postpone - which really is better than cancel - but I can tell you that it happens to me - a lot. It's one of my leading questions of WHY??? It happens with potential romantic interests and with friends. I can't figure out if it's always been this way and I didn't care so didn't notice or if people have just gotten "different." If I had to guess/mind-read, and we all know how fruitless that can be, my leading contenders is he's a bit scared - again nothing to do with you, and or he's just not feeling it at the moment (then see the first one). Backing off and waiting is the move I'd make. Then again, what in the hell do I know? Above all else I just wanted you to know what happened to you seems to happen a lot!

[Sotto]

Thanks Don

I have been reading along with your thread, but haven't gathered myself together to post yet, and I'm all busy with house prep now. You will hear from me at some point soon though!!

Yes, I agree that sitting back and letting things unfold is a useful thing to do....DBing extends into other areas of our lives really well. I notice my emotions more now and am more able to respond, rather than react. I still have occasional vulnerability meltdowns, but they are behind the scenes. I recognise they are all about me, I process everything and they pass...

Any ways - off to do some carpet cleaning today.... xx

[Pax_luv]

Hi Sotto,
Good to hear the update from you. Per usual, you seem to be doing well! I get the whole vulnerability and emotional breakdown though.... It's probably some residual PTSD of sorts. After being rejected so badly by xh, it's hard to even feel a little rejection (and it may not be rejection at all... It just feels bad). But think of it this way, you are a much better version of yourself than the last time you were single (Though I have no doubt you were stellar before your BD).... Any guy would be lucky to just be in your presence. I think all of us DBers who have truly done the work (and continue to do the work) are the best versions of ourselves... And tomorrow we'll be even better versions. So, anyway, Just remember you are amazing!

I hope the rest of the cleaning went well and you were able to have some fun this weekend!

[Ginger1]

I think that he asked you out is great. I would err on the side of him really wanting to be at his best when you guys went out and he couldn't do that while he had a bad week.

Some call me a pessimist, but I am a realist and optimist:)

[Dawn70]

Great update! Sounds like things are really moving right along. So excited for your move. Well, not the actual moving part but that you are moving. Enjoy and keep those positive updates coming. I laughed out loud (literally) at the post about replacing XH with an app for morning coffee. Thanks for the laugh!