Hey 2T, I’ve been reading your posts and the whole drama with BIL, etc. You might be overanalyzing it too much, what H wants… and what he is trying to project… I think he realized that you are his closest ally in business and in life in general… He is just trying to justify his bad decisions and spin it a little… He is not ready to admit all his mistakes and be humble, if you know what I mean. Now, that BIL is no longer in business, I would relax and dedicate some time to myself. It is great that you are looking forward to all these Saturday football games. Kind of negates your H’s opinion that you have a “boring” social life, LOL.
I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. I hope she will pull through this.
And, yes, DO ignore his laundry in the guest room! Maybe have a garbage bag ready to put it in… Just in case…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hi 2T! Sorry I've not been around, but I'm trying to catch up with your posts and all I an say is wow! Just wow! How much has changed over the last few weeks.
I hope your situation will improve now that BIL and his poisonous words are out of the picture.
Take care sweetie
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Hi Bright. It is nice not to have all the BIL drama. Makes office life much more pleasant. As for H, I don't think he has a humble bone in his body ... at least, not anymore. And I'm not sure he realizes that I'm his closest ally. He seems to be doing everything he can to destroy that. I do think he realizes we've been a good team in the financial realm, but in other realms, I think he's completely "decoupled."
Esame, my reaction is still the same ... wow. I feel like I was headed down a path and a sudden wind spun me around and sent me back in the opposite direction. I'm not sure I'll be going down that path again.
The latest ...
I caught H in another completely stupid, totally pointless lie/deception and this one was quite elaborate. One of those deceptions that requires you to pile lie on top of lie to make it sound believable. And to make matters worse, this one was related to the business.
When I asked an innocent, totally non-accusatory question related to the whole thing, he went the gaslighting route ... "You remember I told you blah, blah, blah."
I'm beginning to wonder if I have a sign hanging around my neck that says "Deceive me. I'm so gullible, I'll believe anything."
I can't say that I'm angry. Hugely disappointed is probably a better description. I keep asking myself how on earth I could ever come to believe anything this guy says again? I can't envision a day when I wouldn't question what was coming out of his mouth.
Honesty is just so high on my list and while I know deceit is normal in MLC land, I just wonder if he will ever be capable of an honest R again. I even question how honest he's been throughout our R. I question if I was so "in love" that I didn't see it or saw it and just ignored it. (And, tee-hee-hee, I wonder if OW is doing that because we all know he's definitely lying to her.)
I feel like I go out of my way not to ask questions or make remarks that put him in a position of having to lie to me (unless I want to let him know I'm on to him). And still, he manufacturers lies and deceptions and tall tales that are completely pointless. I just don't get it. Why?
Must be that sign around my neck.
Anyway, I see some retail therapy on the agenda today.
My best to everyone. 2T
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
2 Times, I know what you mean when the anger turns to disappointment. It must come from acceptance, knowing this is something in them, not us. I am not sure why your H feels the need to lie. I too value and require honesty, I understand your frustration.
Remember, it's not you, it's him.
How did the shopping therapy go? I hope it helped
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
M, you're so right. The anger just seems to subside and we end up just shaking our heads in disappointment.
The retail therapy went well. As usual, I ran out of funds before I felt the therapy had completely done it's job.
I spent a moderate amount of the weekend thinking about things I needed to get lined up in order to prepare for a D, in particular legal counsel (which I have for the personal side but not the business side). I gave some thought to the different directions I could take with the D and afterwards. That kind of thinking usually gets me in a "bitterness toward H" mood and it did again. Netflix to the rescue!
Then today, while I'm sitting at my desk in the office researching corporate and business attorneys, the florist delivers flowers from H with a note saying I was amazing and awesome and deserved some "just because" flowers. (Yes, Job. I've already sent a thank you for the flowers and the note.)
I am one confused cat right about now.
It saddens me that I can't just be happy for the gesture and not wonder what he's up to. It saddens me that I can't just accept that he's doing something nice for me out of some kind of positive feelings and not because he wants something from me. It saddens me that while I appreciate his gesture, it doesn't being me joy ... just confusion.
Is there something wrong with me?
2T
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
Nope! There's absolutely nothing wrong w/you. It was a nice gesture on is part, but because he's in crisis, we tend to question their motives...and I don't blame you for doing so. Enjoy the flowers and know that no matter what transpires, you are going to be just fine.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
How could you feel anything but confused when he is confused himself? No doll, there's nothing wrong with you. Enjoy the flowers, keep moving on your path and trust that there's some Divine purpose to it all ...
Thanks again for popping into my thread xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Oh gosh. I have to admit, I had a good laugh at the imagine of you researching lawyers as the flowers arrived. I swear, they can sense those invisible, unspoken lines we draw.
You handled your h so well on his visit! Kudos to you. That must not have been easy.
Amazing job handling a business and a personal life with a MLCer.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Seeing the reality in real time technicolor is confusing. You are trying to process things in a different way now and that takes a lot of dedication mentally, physically and emotionally.
As I keep moving through life seeing friends and acquaintances dealing with midlife transitions it seems like those without real time technicolor vision are much more vulnerable. Even if they or their spouses are not in crisis those folks are definitely at risk.
You know the people you run across that do not age well... The bitter, the perpetually sad and hopeless. The people who are unable to embrace the sweetness in their world because of some bitter experience. I am sad for them and wish that they could be brave enough to confront the world in real time technicolor because that is where jaw dropping beauty resides.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
