I am still mulling over the homework issue and the input from Sunny, Ginger and Cherry.
Sunny, I would love to move kid to a new school but the schools near where we live are generally competitive. This was a sore issue with the x as I had always wanted to put kid in a school nearer my mum's that was good but not as competitive. He hated the idea as he thought I was trying to move kid nearer my family and away from his.
Ginger, kid does all of her homework and revision on the 3 and 1/2 nights that she has with me. The x takes her to her lessons and activities during her time with him. He does a little revision with her.
I have shared with him my schedule with kid and he seemed quite okay with it. But whether or not (judging from what kid has unwittingly revealed, more likely it's not), he keeps to it, is another issue. I have raised my concerns about kid's performance in school but he does not share my worries.
Cherry, I agree that the x would be more amenable if he feels that he has a say in how to help kid. I should try to discuss with him but I just dread having any prolonged contact with him. Because I dread angering him and having to listen to his spew.
Hmmm... I should just stop being such a wuss and (wo)man up.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Very soon, it will be the one year anniversary of my D.
To be honest, to be very very honest, I still can't quite figure out how I got from planning for a second kid to getting divorced. All within the span of 5 months. And in that excruciating 5 months, to have been on the receiving end of violent outbursts, spews, and the horrific discovery of the x's A that could have been as long as 3 years.
I wish I had discovered this forum and Michele's books earlier. After BD, it could have saved my marriage, but most importantly, it would have helped me preserve my dignity and saved me from needless pain and rubbishy advice. Pre -BD and while I was suffering from my existential angst, this forum and MWD's books would have changed the course of my life.
But it is what is. As Alice of the Wonderland fame states, 'It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.'
Better late than never and I am still immensely grateful for this forum and the wisdom, compassion and advice that I have been given. From complete strangers (mostly) that I will probably never meet in real life.
Life could have been better. But for here and now, life is still good and for that, I am thankful.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Wrt hearing his spew, I'd like to share some Sam smith with you:
"I'm covering my ears like a kid, when your words mean nothing I go la la la. I'm turning up the volume when you speak, cause if my heart can't stop it, I find a way to block it i go..."
I'm sorry to hear the anniversary is coming up. Man it su<k$, it doesn't make sense. None of this ever seems to make any sense. I agree don't look back, but if you must peek, just look at how far you've come. And man is kid gonna be proud when she's older. To know all her mama went through, and how you put her first no matter what is something you must be proud of yourself for.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Sunny, I promise I won't look backwards too much. Will only do that to see how far I have come and when I want to change lanes.
Cherry, that Sam smith song is so apt! I can just imagine the look on the x's face if I do like the little boy in the MV is doing and keep saying lalala when he spews. Thank goodness there hasn't been any spews in like 6 months...
V, you will love the show!
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
The PTSD symptoms are lessening. I can drive along the route to the family courts and not break down uncontrollably or feel like I am going to black out. I can venture into TPT territory and not feel like I have to cower.
I can listen to the heart-wrenching playlist of the excruciating 5 months after BD and leading to the D, and not feel heart-wrenched.
I can remember both the good and the bad times of my M. I don't put the x on a pedestal, but he's not quite on the same level as the devil himself (as of today).
And if I am honest with myself, there will always be a place in my heart for the x. He was after all the only guy I had ever wanted to marry, and I had after all spent a big part of my life with him. No matter how much I hate him and what he's done to kid and me, there will always be some feelings for him.
I am letting go. And, dare I say it, I wish him well (just not with the TPT as I would never ever want her anywhere near kid).
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
You are certainly on the path to a full recovery. Now that I remember, when my PTSD triggers went away, I took comfort in knowing I was really, really healing.
It's normal that you have that special place in your heart for him. You could love someone but not want to be with them. It truly is possible.
