I told my family about the sitch last night, had everyone together at game night (my S ended up not going), I just told them all while they were all together. I told them about my depression, my drinking, my disengaging from W and life, that I wasn't doing anything on my own. That it left a void in W and she had an affair with at least kissing, I didn't know if there was more. I let them know I found out 3 months ago, tried making it work, and that I confirmed last Friday it is still ongoing. I told them that their R with W is theirs and they choose how they feel, and not to base it on me, just to remember about my S and that he will still be in my life.
Mom was sad, but seemed to take the news ok.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Well done Cnut! I know that must have been so hard. How was it for you? It sounds like your family took it well and I think you said it perfectly Good job Any more communication with W? I know the fire shirt thing was tough. Remember though that there will be many many triggers. It's about how you handle them
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
It was a tough thing to sit in front of my close family (10 people) and bare my soul, explain my faults and show compassion for my WW, but I was proud of myself for doing it.
They have seen the positive changes in me, I assured them that I'm at peace with this and not to worry about me, but that I appreciate all the reaching out everyone has done and I hope it continues.
Through all of it, I didn't shed a single tear, it's amazing what a difference a couple of months make, there is no way I could have made it through all of it even 2 months ago.
It's kind of sad actually, Now that I'm no longer wondering or caring what WW is up to (which really happened when I decided it's over), I wonder if I'm making the right choice, I wonder if I gave up to easy, I wonder if I'm trying to move on to soon... Now that every minute isn't torture, I wonder if I should just agree to a long term in house S and let my soon stay here for the two years and finish high school. I'm not sure I'd want to ride it out for two years, but for the first time I feel like I could.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
It's a good feeling to be in control of ones self like that. I know it's a very personal decision to stay or not. What I can say is that being physically apart and on my own, accountable to no one but myself, being able to choose when to see my W, has been one of the best things that has happened. I really have a chance now to get to know myself, to grow and to (mostly unsuccessfully) detach from the outcome. I wish I had done it sooner to be honest with you. Everyone's sitch is different though, just my two cents.
That had to be so tough to bare it all out there. I really like that you took ownership in your part of the whole thing. As you said, you left a void and unfortunately someone came in and filled that. It $ucks!!! It really really does. She also must take responsibility for what she has done. Yes you did your part, but so did she. I think it's important that you recognize your faults. Don't dread on them, but understanding why it got to where it did is very important in my opinion Because that's the part that you can work on. The part that hopefully makes you the best Cnut and father that you can be. In the end only you will know if you want it to work or not. Only you can decide if you want to give it a shot. You can't force her to try as you know. That's why my recommendation would be to just live in the moment and do not make any drastic decisions. I'm not sure how you approach the W or even if you do about that right now. I think just be there and be working on the new Cnut that will be in a new marriage. That new marriage may be with your current W or someone in the future I will say this from my own experience. Time does heal that. The anger does subside. Will I forget that she was with someone else? No I won't. But I'm no longer angry and it doesn't upset me Cnut it's gonna take time either way, so don't overreact to either side of the situation and really really focus on keeping your emotions in check You got this
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I say well done with a tough situation. You did good sharing in a manner that will let the family decide how they will feel about it. That is tough to do. Sharing it by focusing on you and showing compassion, this the best way to do this type of thing for sure in my book.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
So not much going on between W and I. Although, there was a little bit of an episode. I was in my room MBR, I moved her out awhile back and most of her stuff is out of the bedroom, although she does have a couple of drawers of stuff in there.
Anyway, I was sitting in bed listening to something with noise cancelling headphones on, when all of sudden WW busts through the door (like literally knocked locked door open with shoulder). I was a bit surprised by this, took off the headphones and asked what was going on, she was hysterical furious, yelling at me because she had been banging on the door to get in and wouldn't open it, and that she needed to get something. I told her that I was listening to something and she said she didn't believe me and left.
today I text her and asked if she told son that I didn't hear her knocking because I didn't want him thinking I was locking her out of the room and wouldn't open the door. She said that she hadn't talked to him about it because she didn't know if he heard her trying to get in and didn't want to bring it up if he didn't hear.
Anyway, at least it's interesting living in crazy town, never a dull moment. Looking forward to my week road trip with son next week.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Scratch that post where I said I feel like I could cohabitat for 2 years, I need to get out. I am having a very hard time controlling my anger, and I'm finding myself going back to a depressed state. It started when I saw my son wearing the fire fighter shirt, and then flamed up when my son started hanging out at the fire station... I know it means nothing to her that my son goes there, and she couldn't care less if he hangs out with OM, but I wonder how my son would feel knowing the truth... But I don't want him to know the truth about his mother, so I just need to go, and soon... I'm not equipped to deal with the betrayal I feel, and I need to get away from it all.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Cnut! I think based on what you are saying it would be a good idea for you to move out of the house. You don't want to become that guy and you don't want your son seeing that whatever the reason is. I know you feel like your son deserves to know the truth, but do you really want him viewing his mom on that light right now. Let him find out when the time is right. Not sure doing it out of anger is the right move Just get out of there and take some time and let things cool down
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
