Focus on Me and my Boys 5

[J5K]

Man this just gets better.

STBX calls me and asks who watched the kids today. Sitter knows about STBX's accusations. I confronted STBX and stated that I was home. (I did come home 3 hours early). I also went and bought webcams to watch my boys while I am at work, did not tell STBX yet.

STBX asked if babysitter was going to continue to watch the boys. I stated that I did not know, which I do not. She got upset that I would not tell her who will be watching them tomorrow and the rest of the week. Have to talk to L about this because STBX is trying to still control things.

I stated to STBX if she is that concerned about the boys safety that she should come down to ensure they are safe. She then stated she lives at her parents in Toronto.

She then tried to say that only her parents watch the boys and I said how do I know that.

She said she has a right to know who is watching her kids. I told her to ask through her lawyer next time. I am tired of these mind games. I lost my cool a bit during this conversation and told STBX I do not want to discuss this any further unless she agrees to have this discussion on a conference call with the Ls. I hung up. STBX tries to call back three times and the fourth time leaves a VM and then sends a text asking to speak with the boys. I called her back and she spoke with the boys.

I just find it very ironic that the boys would not say anything at all until the exchange even though I ask them how their day was with the babysitter. STBX is very calculating.

I only had 3 hours of sleep last night and have not been sleeping well at all even though I have been taking melatonin.

I am going to chalk this up to a small dip in the rollercoaster and mello out again and just enjoy my kids.

[SH_]

Hang in there JK.

I do know the pain and agony of crazy conversations with an angry W.
You are weathering it as well as can be expected. I know. I have been through it.
Keep documenting this stuff for your L.
Hopefully the legal stuff can wrap up soon so you can go by what is mandated.

Keep looking for ways to get a restful sleep.
Some extreme things that I did that worked was staying up all night one time and then the exhaustion set in and I got a good nights rest resetting my sleep clock.
Do the warm baths, warm milk etc. until you hit something that works for you. It will come. It will come.
And being rested does help you keep your cool more for the explosions.

[J5K]

Now let's just talk about resentment.

Know this you do not have to forgive WW, not in any way at all. In fact my philosophy is that is not your job. It is her higher power and Karma.

In my thinking generally those who ask for forgiveness get it.

I will say resentment is a behaviour which will hold YOU back, lovely Jim let that go. The need for revenge, to see another suffer for the things they have done will impact you.

Choose to let resentment go, you will feel so much better with you.

Resentment leads to behaviours you may find yourself unhappy with.

Let go.

V

V,

Thank you for the follow up. I don't know if I am just antsy or what. I would forgive her if she asked to come back to the M. I know she won't.

I don't resent her. I hate the behavior but that is hers to deal with and live with the rest of her life.

There are probably times when I do speak with STBX which is rare nowadays that it sounds like I resent her, but I think I have done a decent job lately of validating her.

I hope I have been taking the high road and that good things will come out of this.

[J5K]

Oops, here is the new thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...250#Post2694250