3 Months since she said i dont love you (3)

[Sotto]

"what makes you think that you can't have another family, a better family, one where your future wife cares about you and your son?"

To me this sounds like the thinking of many WAS's - I need to drop what I have now in order to get a better thing. Occasionally I agree, but only if a M was truly dysfunctional or abusive. Mostly, I think that M's can be restored, even if the couple has got to a pretty bad place.

That's JMHO of course, but the philosophy of this site is all about saving your marriage if that is at all possible - not moving on to greener grass...

[DDJ]

That's JMHO of course, but the philosophy of this site is all about saving your marriage if that is at all possible - not moving on to greener grass...

Agreed Sotto, the aim of this site is to save a M, but you first need to save yourself to save your M. How can Natus even consider being more him, if he's stuck in his broken dreams. The wife in the future may still be his current wife, that realises that she's done wrong. The glass does not have to be half-empty or half-full. Why can it not just be full?

[Natus]

At this stage im not thinking about new family, wife etc but i find myself moving on. WAS thinking maybe.

For my own sanity and because since BD she has not only said IDLY but told me she cant and never will again in the future. Hear that enough times and the door i was keeping ajar was starting to kill me.

Im closing the door. Its not locked but i know how stubborn my STBXW is. Like all things she will expect me to open the door for her and i cant anymore.

Thats not to say there might not be a future relationship cause god knows what will happen in the future. Right now though the M is fully dead and i will only focus on me and my boy. I will mostly likely see the D by the end of the year or atleast start filling by end of year ~cause i know she wont (again i have to do everything) but i dont want to be tied to this person who does not care about me anymore.

[Natus]

Im GALing like never before.

Mentioned before took up wall climbing, im hopping once i have some cash to go Himalayans.

Have a friend who goes free diving. Going to see if i can join that.

A friend of mine who moved to new zealand invited me over. If get to do the himalayan thing i will probably fit that in too.

Need to sort out finances abit so i can get my motorcycle. Going bank again on Monday.

I have my near daily gym and kickboxing i teach 3x a week aswell.

180s
- no longer just wear t-shirt and shorts, make an effort to look good all the time. Shave everday, Cologne etc.
- work on my interactions. Being good listener etc.
- being more social. going to more social events. i use to avoid them like the plague.
- more active on chores.

In a moment of WAS i asked someone out for coffee. She had a boyfriend so no go but she was flaterred and thought i was cute so atleast got PMA boost.

[DDJ]

Happy for you Natus. I told my XWW that I will do nothing for her again, or with her. Those doors are firmly closed.

Find validation inside you, i say this with all due respect, you don't need PMA boost, avoid that for now, you need to be able to smile at your life everytime you think about it. Pretty girls got us into this.

There's a cute girl here at work too, i'm having to practice self-control cos i find myself flirting with her, but i know that i'm just going to end up where i was, or where the XWW is now, and I don't want to go back there. Making a commitment to myself and a vow to God that I will be single for a year after she moves out, no dating, to mould me to perfection.

What a journey!

Oh, and I also want to see (not climb) Mount Everest as part of the wonders of the world!

[Natus]

Theres a cool motorcycle trek which take you to the base of everest. Im soo interested in that.

[Natus]

Brought Son for eye check up with Her. I think i've reached the stage of letting go cause no feelings. I cant say that i dont love her but i definately dont need her anymore and im happy without her. Well at peace without her.

[Natus]

Just journaling.

Gal all night. Went to female colleague's open house. Smiley face girl was there, cute as ever. Spent the night socialising before heading off to movie theater with my brothers. Had the entire movie theater to ourselves, we watched Star Trek Beyond.

Really enjoyed the movie. Driving back at 2am melancholy sets in. All that GAL and freedom but i would rather have my family. I would rather be putting my son to bed and watching tv with my wife. Thats not my reality anymore however. This is my new reality.

[Natus]

Its becoming easier to focus on me and my boy. Does not stop the sadness though.

I loved being a husband, a father, having my family. Now im pseudo single and a father half a week.

I suppose it will get easier. Im only 3 weeks in from physical separation. Keep telling myself if i make it to my birthday in Nov im pretty sure that by then i will have moved forward / detached.

[Natus]

Going Dark / NC has been surprisingly easy.

We dont text or communicate much apart from exchanging photos of our son via whatsapp (when she has him and vice versa). I prefer it that way. I really dont feel the need to converse with her about anything at the moment and i know how to raise my son so i dont need to ask her for anything in that regards.

Engaged a financial health advisor trying to sort out my finances. Hoping to sell the house soon and start fresh.