A new thread for Eye-Tie

[JulieH]

I am hoping you guys will be able to rekindle a friendship for the sake of your children.

It seems like she is hurting. She was replaced. And her pain is causing her to lash out. Makes no sense because she is the one that left you and was unfaithful. Sounds like she needs to villify you in her mind instead of facing up to her own mistakes. . She really has some growing to do.

Regardless, you can only focus on you and your own growth. And keep doing what you know is right. It sounds like you are a great dad and really have the kids best interests at heart. Hope you have a wonderful hoiliday!

[EyeTie]

Figured it's time to pop in and give everyone an update.

So...it's been almost a year since my WW moved out of our home. At the time I was crushed, I was sick with cancer, terrified about my future and the one person whom I thought would be there forever couldn't have cared less. Thanks to this forum, the books and especially Sandi's list, I am doing great. "Galing" saved my life, I can't stress that enough. I beat cancer, I moved out of our home (it closes next week), I have been dating an amazing woman for the last few months, I have gone from a lonely caterpillar and turned into a butterfly.

My kids are doing well, my health has never been better and some of my new hobbies have brought out a passion in me that has never been seen before. I enjoy life again, I find beauty in almost everything and frankly, due to the last year, I take nothing for granted in life.

My WW has been a complete basket case. She has a BF and it appears that she is happy, but according to her friends/family she is miserable. She hates my gf, she hates that my family has shut her out, she hates that most of "our" friends want little to do with her. She is jealous, my MIL called me last week and asked me what my WW would have to do to "fix" our M. I told her that I am open to discussion, BUT I am not going to go out of my way to allow it to happen. That she would have to put the effort in, that she would have to do all the work, because I did it for months with zero effort by her. She followed with that she was sad that I had finally given up on the M. That she knew it would happen at some point, but she was still sad that it finally happened.

So, to my newbies and oldies here. You can do this. You can survive. I know it's horrible, I know it's hard and it's probably the biggest battle you have ever had to fight. But fight, fight like your life depends on it. Fight for your future, fight for your kids, just FIGHT!

[JulieH]

Hey eye tie,

Thanks for posting! Glad to hear your doing well. Sounds like there is so much relief being out of limbo. There is some controversy here as to whether dating is good or bad idea. I know it's not recommended. In your case it worked out well and I am happy hearing your perspective cause it is different.

(If I had proof that husband was with other woman I would probably do the same. I do notice the LBS who go that route seem to gain the attention of WS quicker. )

It also sounds like if your ex wife was willing to work on reconciliation and initiate you would be too?

I am 7 months post husband leaving. We have upcoming talk about whether we work torwards divorce or reconciliation. We both have tons of anger. He is all over the place. To be honest, i am too.

[EyeTie]

Well, it's been a while since my last update. Things are going fine. I have been meeting with divorce attorneys lately. Trying to pick out the right one that I can afford. I took my GF, her daughter and my kids to Disney World for a week, we had a blast. Frankly, it was something my WW and I always talked about doing, but she is so far gone these days I can barely talk to her without it turning into a fight. I find texting with her is just easier.

Her lies are quickly unraveling around her and it's just getting more and more pathetic. She has been dating a guy for the last 4 or 5 months, who is convinced we are divorced, that I still pine after her and that all the stories he has heard are rumors spread by me. I have yet to meet him, at first she wanted to bring him around but as soon as I said that I wouldn't lie to cover her lies, that ended that. Otherwise, things are good. 15 months into the bombshell, I am happy.

[Vanilla]

Great to hear eye

V

[EyeTie]

So it's been a while, figured I would drop in for a quick update.

Life is good. Still with J, have my kids about 60% of the time, sold my marital house and divorce will FINALLY be done at the end of September.

Even today, I can't believe what has happened over the last (almost) 2 years and how different life can be. I find myself chuckling sometimes at how bad things were back when this journey started, how weak I felt, how badly I wanted to reconcile with someone who wasn't worth my time.

My WW has been a complete conundrum (and will continue to be) over everything. I really believe she has a mental disorder and its sad to see her spiral the way she has. She is still with her BF, but he works out of town so she finds herself alone. For every 3 calls/texts she makes to me, I answer 1. Not intentionally, I just outgrew it all. Best way to deal with the roller coaster is to get off of it.

Anyway, to anyone new to this, keep your head up. There is a ton of knowledge on here and most importantly, instead of focusing on your spouse, focus inward to yourself.

[Zephyr]

glad you posted ET, was wondering just the other day, how you were!

big high five on letting life open up for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[JulieH]

So glad you posted with an update. I am very happy that you are consistently doing well in your new relationship and with your children. It's nice to hear this. Some one said that we have a choice post BD to wallow in misery or choose to be happy. Lots to be said for that. Why is the choice for happy harder though? Makes no sense.

"How badly I wanted to reconcile with someone who wasn't worth my time"

You know, I share this sentiment regarding any spouse that cheats. No one should put up with that.

Take care and loved hearing from you!

[ForGump]

I really believe she has a mental disorder and its sad to see her spiral the way she has.

Can you elaborate on the reasons why you believe she has a mental disorder?

I've had similar intuitions but I push back on myself because... well, it would be too easy to rationalize a bad marriage that way. Would like to hear your point of view.

[EyeTie]

glad you posted ET, was wondering just the other day, how you were!

big high five on letting life open up for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, the biggest obstacle in losing your spouse is also losing your best friend. That was the hardest part for me. Her and I were best friends for a few years before we started dating. But thanks to GAL, I have made several new friends. Life rocks!

So glad you posted with an update. I am very happy that you are consistently doing well in your new relationship and with your children. It's nice to hear this. Some one said that we have a choice post BD to wallow in misery or choose to be happy. Lots to be said for that. Why is the choice for happy harder though? Makes no sense.

"How badly I wanted to reconcile with someone who wasn't worth my time"

You know, I share this sentiment regarding any spouse that cheats. No one should put up with that.

Take care and loved hearing from you!

It's like the saying goes, "I don't want to waste my time with someone who only wastes my time." Took me a while to realize that, but yeah....

How are things going for you, Julie?

I really believe she has a mental disorder and its sad to see her spiral the way she has.

Can you elaborate on the reasons why you believe she has a mental disorder?

I've had similar intuitions but I push back on myself because... well, it would be too easy to rationalize a bad marriage that way. Would like to hear your point of view.

My wife's entire immediate family are all on one form of mood stabilizers or another. Her Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister all take something, be it anti-depressants or medication for bi-polar. Nothing against those who take things to better themselves btw. My wife was on antidepressants for years, then after my D was born she decided to take herself off of them. She has constant manic attacks, where she could be happy about life then 2 minutes later, laying in bed for hours. There was never a middle, just extremes. And since our split, she has gone out of her way to try to make me look bad. One minute I will get a "You are such a great father" text and the next I will get a call from someone who said that the WW told them I am abusive towards my kids.

And roll into all of this, she never had any forsight in life. Everything was "here and now", which is how our split up happened. I know she regrets it, but she will never admit it to me (or anyone). And now, because she finally realizes that I am over it and done, it just makes her angrier, because people no longer listen to her when she says "He wants me back!".

It's sad really. I do believe we could have saved our marriage, I do believe we dealt with tougher issues, I do believe that it could have been salvaged. BUT truth be told, I am happier now than I have been in a LONG time.