Keeps getting worse, 180 not working

[Buxom]

I'm home now. One the way home I dropped into a lawyer's office. I cried and cried trying to relay my questions and give a short overview. I know my rights and have an idea of how I need to proceed if needed, to retain the house with the kids.
WH came home at 8:30 p.m. voice sounded friendly but came nowhere near me so no hug or kiss offered. He did finally ask a few questions on what I did while away. I was vague and upbeat. My anxiety is calmed so I hope I can sleep well in my own bed. The mbr issue was a non issue as he didn't asked to stay and I did not offer. He just came home and went straight to the spare room.

No further talk yet but it was Friday he said. Likely when both kids at work.
I'm honestly thinking about just turning the tables and doing it myself. But that would be a bad call unless I am done.

Soooo tired now. Good night friends!

[SH_]

I endorse all that roist has shared with you.
He is a wise man that has walked a long and challenging journey.
Much wisdom he can provide.

Your sharing provides an appearance of high emotional and mental stress. Normal for what you are going through. You can do something for this. You can take back control and gather strength no matter how rough it feels now. I promise you.

What have you done to strengthen your emotional and mental states of mind.
This state is important on your path and much effort will be needed to strengthen it so you can follow much of the advice provided.
It is like any muscle in our body.
It requires care, nourishment and regular exercise.
You must start slowly and gently, but you will need to take action.
Are you meeting with an IC?
Have you met with an MD to determine if AD's would be beneficial?
Have you checked into meditation?
Attended church?
Pray?
DB coach?
Check out the Ted Talk by Guy Winch about emotional first aid.
There are many things one can do for building strength emotionally and mentally, but it will take work. Consistent work.

We are here to support you and share what has worked for us.
You will get through this.
(((Buxom)))

[Buxom]

Thank you so much SH!
I am very emotional and reactive. His comments and lack of contact while away threw me. Almost felt like he was doing 180.
I am doing most of what you suggest, IC, meds, sleep aids, DB coach, loads of reading (DR, solo partner, letting go meditations, on boundaries and I almost daily review articles from Cadet's list), and I talk with three really close friends whom I trust with my life.
Church has never been a part of my life, until we married, but then it was mostly a fabulous social group. WH grew up in a conservative Mennonite home but turned away from the church just prior to his MLC began. It was one of the first times.
I have tried to be consistent and I've been successful more when he's around and then I fall apart and stress while I'm going about my GAL. I know the changes are not solid and that it likely shows thru or reeks of upset and needy.
My mind is so hard to control right now, intrusive thots of everything from what have I done wrong (lately, I'm not blaming myself for A or MLC etc, just my inaction up to 6 weeks ago) . It just keeps getting worse, but I've read that is to be expected. My stress increases when it's a bad day and I work at getting off the rollercoaster. My desire to fix is quite engrained. I'm also scared. I never wanted a divorce and up til now thot he was my sole mate.

Thanks for all the advice and support!! Please drop by when you can as I'm feeling so alone.

[Cadet]

I'm feeling so alone.

Your DB family is here to support you.
I totally understand the feeling of being alone
and it is something that I suggest you
really need to look closely at and FIX in yourself before
you enter into another relationship.
Even if that relationship is with your WAS.

Bomb drop is a shock to us and we find out that
although we are not to blame for our spouses crisis
their are many aspects of ourselves that we should also try to FIX.

Keep Posting

[Buxom]

Very strange conversation yesterday. I was so unemotional I was beginning to think, I'm done here. After all the tears and crap I felt very little. I wonder if I have been grieving the r loss and now I'm letting mr go? Even this morning I am almost relieved. Weird.

[SH_]

Very strange conversation yesterday. I was so unemotional I was beginning to think, I'm done here. After all the tears and crap I felt very little. I wonder if I have been grieving the r loss and now I'm letting mr go? Even this morning I am almost relieved. Weird.

This is part of the process.
Enjoy the calm, but do know the roller coaster ride is not over yet.
Use these moments to learn and gain clarity. These moments that the emotions are not running high, are the best times to gain true perspective.
Use it to your advantage. Prepare for more floods of irrational feelings, and stay focused on becoming the best you possible.
We are here to support you.
Enjoy the peace today. It is well needed.

[Buxom]

Thanks SH. It has been a peaceful day. Interesting calm discussions that are short and simple. I am enjoying it. I also seem to have found my voice and I'm telling him things as they come up, like I will pick up D16 while u have coffee cos I don't want her exposed to OW. He said he didn't agree, I shrugged and said," she'll figure it out. Not sure u want that." He said, I can see that, thanks.

I know it won't last as there are already twists and turns that no one would or could have anticipated. Today I have been more in the moment than ages. Good sleep last night too.

Thanks to everyone's support. Colleen

[JksD]

Hi,
Dropping by with a virtual hug. Hope that today will be a better day for you.

[Buxom]

Thank you Dory! Much appreciated.

[SH_]

Good sleep and living in the moment.
Great things to do as you heal and build up that emotional and mental strength.

It is good to hear that you have had a good day.
Now let's make it 2 days.
You have a say and can control that.

Sleep well and may your dreams be calm, pleasant and with peace.