Keeps getting worse, 180 not working

[Buxom]

Thx for sharing, qt. I'm sorry for this terrible boat we r in. I like your tag line. If I can figure out how to add one I will.

Present, Perspective, Persistent, Practical

[Cadet]

Thx for sharing, qt. I'm sorry for this terrible boat we r in. I like your tag line. If I can figure out how to add one I will.

Present, Perspective, Persistent, Practical

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[Buxom]

Woke with lots of anxiety. Wish I could direct my brain while sleeping. As soon as I felt it and started to redirect my thoughts, I tried to get back to sleep only to wake later with it being worse. I dreamed a fabulous solution that made such sense but it faded on waking. Was likely useless anyway.

I'm doing very well with being unpredictable and not making contact. I haven't talked to WH since he hugged me goodbye Saturday afternoon. He has forwarded a couple of emails but not contact of substance. Was not sure whether to reply with thanks or not so I just left it. I'm staying away from Facebook and only texting my kids good morning and night. Forgot my phone cord so saving battery.
Today's book is on boundaries which will likely create more anxiety since I really let them slide and I am afraid to make things worse with WH. Ironically, I think my passivity and conflict avoidance bugs him, based on hints he's given lately. Also reading next chapter in DR. Too hot and humid to be out.
Colleen

[Buxom]

Advice please!
After 48 hours of no contact with me, WH emailed and not sure how and if I should respond at this point. His sick and elderly dad needs care for four days end of August and he asked... "Think you might be available for some of this time?"
We are so up and down and clearly my boundaries have been weak so normally I would have already said yes. There are three of the siblings who don't want to do more than a night or day. I do not want to take up all the slack. I want to discuss this and not by email. Ideas please!! Thanks so much!

[Buxom]

WH texted today just a check in, "How's it going?" I waited four hours to respond with "Good thanks!" Pretty proud of self then a few mins ago he asked where are the brownies. He meant the special brownies and seemed irked they were gone, he hadn't remembered. I answered too quickly, but I did it cos he sounded irked and I wanted the sitch over with. I asked him what was up and he said what he was doing. My next thot was, don't believe anything he says. I then ended it by saying my battery was dying. I hope I salvaged the sitch. Even just a text can set off the anxiety. I end up feeling ambushed even if it's pleasant

Who is this man and what did he do to my husband?!? I see glimmers of my guy and then he disappears. If he follows pattern, I won't hear from him tomorrow.

Pact with myself... no more than three emails or text Responses in a day. I will not initiate either.

[RDS]

Advice please!
After 48 hours of no contact with me, WH emailed and not sure how and if I should respond at this point. His sick and elderly dad needs care for four days end of August and he asked... "Think you might be available for some of this time?"
We are so up and down and clearly my boundaries have been weak so normally I would have already said yes. There are three of the siblings who don't want to do more than a night or day. I do not want to take up all the slack. I want to discuss this and not by email. Ideas please!! Thanks so much!

I'm by no means an expert, but I would agree to help care for his elderly dad for a day or two, but no more. I think this goes beyond the DB thing and it crosses into the right thing to do for his dad's health. I couldn't imagine how turning your heart away from helping your H's dad would be a good thing.

I would think this is also a time to communicate with your H person to person about this, and not through email. This requires a personal touch.

[Buxom]

Thanks RDS. I did say in an email that I looked forward to discussing this when I get home Thursday. I do not mind doing some of it for sure. I still am and want to be part of the family. It's just previous group emails sounded like most of it could fall to me. When I did not respond right away he added later that he would be able to take vacation days too. I should say so! I'm hoping we can Tuesdays together or should I arrange to do it separately given our in house separation?

[Buxom]

I'm still house sitting and starting third day away. Having a hard time getting to sleep and harder time getting up. More depression setting in? I'm feeling everything, trying to accept reality as it is and move on. That is what IC said is the way to process emotions. I'm wondering if I'm still dwelling to much or is it processing the unbelievable stuff I'm living through?

Today is focus on me day. Yesterday I read too much on DR and MLC and realised I was getting into focus on him and future more. Again! Reconditioning of my thoughts is needed.

[doodler]

Buxom,

You should go to your favorite nursery and buy a large pot or a half of a wooden barrel and get a bunch of beautiful flowering plants and plant them in the pot/barrel. Rinse and repeat as necessary. Soon it'll become an addiction and then you'll find yourself wishing the WH would stay the h3ll away because he might interfere with your creations.

[Buxom]

Thanks for the reminder, Doodler. I do have many pots of flowers on two deck and on patio. I'm decluttering the house and attend to my horses as weather permits. I have other things I'm busy with and have been for months. Maybe I need another hobby?

In my journaling today, it became a letter to WH of support and understanding I have toward his underlying reasons for the MLC and affair... sex abuse and childhood neglect. It melts my heart but I do not accept his current coping. In the letter, which I will not give to him, I outline my understanding and intent to be his rock , or lighthouse. It sorted thru some thots and feelings and gave me a different perspective on the sitch.