Need help please

[mulesqb]

Kind of ironic that your wife is inviting you over for cake. Seems like she has been eating cake for the last 6 months. Under no circumstances do you go to her house. "Sorry you think otherwise but I am not going to miss her birthday. I will be celebrating it with her with my family."

Stop trying to figure out what your W's mindset is. Start worrying about yours. You have been Mr Nice Guy for 6 months. Time to truly GAL. What does that look like for you?

Stop beating yourself up. You stood up for your family and there is nothing more noble than that. Now shift your focus. Become an attractive albac again. That requires more strength than you have already displayed. Do you...don't do what you think she wants you to do. Right now YOU need space. You need to figure out what you truly want. And if it's your W back what you are doing isn't working and trust me she needs to earn your trust back. Do you really want her back in this scenario? Think about that. Read other sitches. Read my sitch. I was you. Focus on being an incredible Dad. There is nothing more rewarding in life.

Understand you may or may not get her back. But how you handle this is one of your defining moments of your adult life. Be strong. Be honorable. Not rude. Not petty. I can tell by reading your posts you're more than capable. You'll be fine. No matter what. You can handle it.

Strength and Honor.

Old Mules

[albac]

Thanks Mules, I guess I just never wanted to believe she was capable of this. I accept some responsibility but now all.

I wI'll now be dealing with my W as the father of our D. No more random phone calls and texts or coming and hanging out at my house. What you have said is true I don't even know if it is possible to come back from this but it would take a massive change on her part I am already a different person then I was 6 months ago when she left.

Time for me to focus on myself and daughter. I am not the type of person to hate or be rude. I will be polite but to the point and trying to see her as little as possible. Already today she has sent me messages joking around trying to be funny. It's truly cruel, I'm in the worst time of my life and she wants me to be best friends and have a laugh while she's seeing someone else...

[mulesqb]

That's the hardest part, coming to the realization that she is not the person you married. For me I had so much fear. If I knew then what I know now....

Please take care of yourself. Concentrate on that daughter and you. I spent so much time trying to detach that I kept doing it wrong. Be a strong, leading man who is a father and is getting on with his life. You don't need your W to be happy. You need to make your own happiness. I was so caught up in worrying about her every mood. It was ridiculous. Let her worry about you. Be mysterious with your own time. If she sends you text messages don't answer them if she is still with OM unless it has to do withh your daughter.

Strong. Confident. Leading.

You got this.

Strength and Honor.

Mules

[albac]

Thanks Mules, you basically just said everything I played out in my head. And I honestly do believe it. I have been trying because I WANT my W and family back, I don't need her back.

I have a solid job earning good money have my own home and a great extended family and support network around me. Time to move forward.

[RSG]

I have been trying because I WANT my W and family back, I don't need her back.

Don't know anything about your situation, but this is something I just came to realize about a week to 10 days ago. I'm going on week 8 of my Separation. I do much, much better when I don't see her. S and I are creating a fantastic bond, he loves me more than ever. I'm confident in myself, my looks and who I am. I read lots of self help books, and I've started counseling.

I want to try because I want to look my boy in the eyes in 15, 20, 30 years and tell him I did EVERYTHING I could for his family.

Good luck to you. Try to keep your conversations centered around specific info re your D. I'm in the midst of going dim, and WW really tries to stretch the conversation. You need to try to end them, text or phone, as much as possible. It's hard at the beginning but you get the hang of it.

[albac]

Thanks RSG, you are on the money. I know that how ever all this works out I can hold my head up knowing I have it all I had to get my family back.

I am 6 months into separation but only 5 days in since finding out about OM. My mindset is totally different now. I will be strong and not let her dictate terms. This will be hard but I will stay strong. For me and my D.

[Raul]

Albac,
I can tell you by experience that pursuing her will only push her away. I pursued my W for almost 2 months and made things worst. Now I'm going dark. Not sure if it's working since it's been 5 days, but she has tried to make small talk. But remain dark.

Good luck, I know it's tough.

[ForGump]

Painful to read.

[albac]

Thanks Raul, that's the way I'm trying to go. I think already in the last 5 days she now realizes how serious this is. For the last 6 months I was always around and always acting as if I was happy and was like we were just living apart.

Now I am not available to her and I don't want to talk or joke, I will discuss D but that is all. Already in the last 2 days she sent me an old photo of me joking about how funny I looked and again first thing this morning asking me if I could send any photos from my Ds birthday 2 days ago.

I know that the photo of me was a temp check she knows im pulling back and am angry at news of OM she's trying to test me. I will stay strong

[albac]

Can't believe the way my W is acting about our situation she has the most distorted reality right now. Today I had to see her to pick my D up and she just wanted to have a chat and joke around then when I dropped her back wanted me to go in to her house and hang around.

Is it just me or is this really out of character for someone who says they are done and seeing someone else. I don't get it, I would have expected her to be pulling back and avoiding me but she isn't.