Still here and need support 2

[SH_]

You are on the right track with the GAL.
You are also doing well to enjoy the moments with your d. this is key, for not only you, but also her. Keep at it and enjoy every quality moment you can.

The sadness is to be expected. Continue to acknowledge it and lat it pass.
Take active steps to heal from he sadness. It is possible and with the work and efforts you can grow from this part of the cycle as well.
I will add that book to my reading list. It grows everyday, but there is so much out there of value and the more we read, the more knowledge and tools we will have for our progress.

I am here for you and look forward to your updates and to lend thoughts and ideas as you seek them.

Give your d a big hug when you see her next and relish each second of it.

[poschan]

took d7 and we had a great camping trip in the national forest (her first). I had a backup site in a real campground but d7 wanted to stay remote on the river so we did. we did a lot of swimming and a hike. it was a lot of fun for both of us. beautiful place.
WAW had something on her rental door last week and asked if I knew what it was...she thought I had served her and said "I thought we were doing this without Ls" I told her I had no clue what it was. normally I would have helped her figure out what it was but just left it alone. I am there to listen but these are her messes and issues now. It felt good to not care about it.
WAW met us out for dinner last night and thanked me for a gift I brought her birthday (one of her favorite beer types). I am glad she thanked me for that and dinner and gift. she gave me a hug and d7 asked for a family hug which was nice.
d7 said she asked WAW how long this would go on and WAW told her til she was 18. d7 said she wish she could be here in the house she knows and was born in. I didn't know what to say.
I do wish that we could be a family again but I have to be realistic...WAW has moved out and probably on...
I did do some things for me lately. Met some friends in the mountains and played a few days of golf. I plan to do more when I get some time.
day by day...

[SH_]

Sounds like a great trip with d7. Those are the good times you both will always cherish.

Sounds like you are making some good efforts with GAL.

Now tell me, how are your feeling mentally? The post here has a hint of being down. What are you doing to put a smile on your face and I your heart?

[rich4j]

Poschan

Hope all is well and I like reading your D7 stories as my D is the same age.

That has to be tough when your daughter tells you about the question of how long will this go on. Tears at your heart . Do you want to scream "IF YOUR MOM woke up and smelled the coffee we would betrying to get back together!!! " "And its her fault!!! " But...as the parent you keep that inside

I move out in a few weeks and it feels like I am the bad guy who divorced and cheated. If I could do this over again I would have put the foot down and exposed her back in January and not moved. BUT I do believe in Karma...

Also reading into your post a bit as SH did...but hope you are doing OK and things will get better for you!

[poschan]

SH: I do have ups and downs. Downs seem to be random but I tend to notice more after d7 has been with me a few days and leaves for WAW house. When I'm out and see other families it hurts because I want to be a family again but the reality of my situation speaks otherwise. Time seems to be the dominant factor. The more time that passes the sadness seems to be less frequent. I'm still having a difficult time motivating in the mornings...afternoons and evenings I seem to have more clarity and energy. One day/step at a time...

rich4j: nice to hear from you and that you follow my situation. It does help to know that we are not alone and have similar situations as others. I do try to keep things inside for the most part but I do slip at time...saying that this is WAW choice and not mine when d7 inquires. I leave it at that and probably shouldn't say anything but I want her to know I still have hope for the family reuniting. thanks for the support and I hope your move goes well. When WAW moved out it was difficult for me but I made sure to keep busy and not be around too much. Don't forget that you are not the bad guy...they made their choices no matter how much they try and justify or blame.
I have been trying my best to acknowledge my emotions/pain and then to let them pass without dwelling but like most everything easier said than done. I have to realize that God has a plan for me and this is my path and to appreciate and be grateful for all that I have.

[poschan]

going through a variety of emotions and feelings these past few days, sadness to joy and back and forth. I want my family unit back but I also have big reservations about my WAW. lack of commitment to the family seems to be one of the biggest issues as I am not sure I want to be with someone who does not have the same commitment that I do. I know, WAW seems to have exited for good anyway and I have no choice in the matter. What happened to "through sickness and health"...I guess the vows are not as important to her than me. I did some GAL for myself these past few days getting out an kayaking. I still haven't done a meetup event yet as I have had too much work on my plate. WAW still hasn't filed for D which I guess is a good thing...

[rich4j]

Poschan

Hardest thing for me which sounds like you are going thru is "family unit"

It is the part that hurts the most as I was at the beach and saw other families together and it kills me. It feels like this is being robbed from me and my daughter.

But I would ask yourself if its the family unit or "HER" and not being with her that brings you sadness? I am finding its the family unit more if I am honest with myself right now. Maybe its the resentment, anger or detachment

Maybe thinking that way and seeing what is really making you sad can help?

[PacLove]

I can empathize with the family unit too... being on vacation without W and seeing other families together kills me. But I do miss W in a big way too, knowing she's in all likelihood spending time with OM while we are away enjoying her fantasy life.

I don't know as if there's an easy answer to this, we've basically been robbed of this and are having our family units torn apart. For me it's anger and frustration that there's nothing we can do to quick fix this.

[poschan]

Yes I think it is the family unit. The more I think about the past the more I ask myself if I want to be with someone who lacks commitment and doesn't have my back no matter what. I feel the same sadness or loss when I see other families together. I have to believe that God has a plan in all this and have faith and know that it will be and is ok. This is my new path. Thanks for the input rich and pac. Its comforting in some on odd way to know that our stories are alot alike.

[poschan]

a few things that WAW said a few weeks ago continue to bother me and I wanted to ask for feedback. WAW said that I was a major reason that she moved out. I believe this is just to provide more justification in her mind for her decisions but it still does bring about guilt and thought about what things I did to drive her away. I know that I bear some of the burden but I never turned my back on her nor did I leave. I'm still here waiting for her to come back. The other thing was her stating that she intends to be married again and would not agree to having someone over when d7 was there. having little to no contact with someone who you have been with for over 12 years is just so surreal. I couldn't fathom my really close friends ever doing anything like what WAW has. on a positive note, I decided on a last minute trip to visit some friends out of town. It will be good to get away and there will be lots of good laughs with this bunch.