Have been taking care of myself and had the kids the past 5 days. At the weekend we went to a local festival where they send thousands of candles down the river after dark. Was part of my meetup group activity but took the kids with me, they were up late but is was good fun and worth it.
Sunday, we went to a different town and walked around the lake, got some ice cream. Has finally felt like summer here lately.
Last night with them before they go back to W tomorrow for 5 days. Come to a pizza restaurant with a big play area for them.Saturday I will be meeting the meetup group again at another local festival. Need to get caught up on some training to.
W report... So after questioning her about leaving the kids with a stranger, she has gone on the defensive, now she is trying to use the house as her leverage. Is complaining I'm not being cooperative, so will seek legal advice if I continue to not collaborate... I have a meeting with my lawyer tomorrow to checks few things out. I have told her before that I will meet her anytime but at a public place without the children. She hasn't once tried to do this... But have realized more that this is who she has always been. She has also blocked me on FB, don't know why as she doesn't post anything these days anyway. Have more the thought it's to try and provoke some reaction, something I haven't done. I feel to that these texts with reference to her lawyer are also about control and reactions. Again, I have been good and not rises to any of it.
I have spent time looking back over my M, as I feel my head is clearer than ever before. I was also reading some articles about 'professional victims', turns out my W hits a number of those traits to and has done throughout our M. She will and for the most part always has blamed other's for her troubles, me being most of all. Now I'm out of the picture for the most part, she has actually turned that on the kids. Since they felt frightened being left alone with a stranger, she feels S7 (in particular) needs therapy for his fears. Like usual, it's not her fault for creating the scenario, it's someone else's fault for taking it the wrong way. There are many examples throughout our M of this same trait.
In reading about this, it's advised to leave the relationship as rarely do these people ever look at themselves. This is kinda where I am now, that there may be nothing worth saving with someone of this mindset. Part of me feels like this is her true colors, albeit in overdrive, but who she really is... It's said someone like this is someone that is heavily emotional abusive, things I have now seen have contributed to the break down I had last year.
I don't know if anyone has experience with this or has any thoughts. It doesn't change my thought process in continuing to work on myself and look after myself and our children. I won't let her break our son like she did me, he doesn't need therapy for fears common to children or to be made out like these are things wrong with him. This has been her mindset for years, always me that needed the counseling, not her.
I have met a couple of other woman but am not pursuing anything, I still need time to work out my own head before going down that road.
My IC and my own reading has shown how manipulative my W has been over the years, how many guilt trips I have had put on me but how I didn't have the knowledge to deal with it efficiently. These things I will take forward for whichever direction my path takes me.
Turns out W has put herself in a very poor position by moving out, thank you to hose that said to stay in the family home. As we have just recently built a house, and is probably still a negative equity, W would receive next to nothing if I were to buy her out. She has been pushing on the house the last couple of weeks, trying to use 'legal advice' as her scare tactic, I think hoping I would have a knee jerk reaction. She has been complaining about me changing the locks, something I was legally entitled to do, and I was trying to figure out why. In a text message last night, she gave herself away, she knows how the process of a buy out will work but I have the feeling she doesn't expect or think I have my own lawyer.
W had sent me a letter telling me I had to do this and that by such and such a date or face legal action, it was written by her, not her lawyer though. Mine has pretty much told me that the letter isn't worth anything.
My father and I had the feeling she is trying to find a way back into the house, I am due to take the kids on vacation soon and we wondered if she was trying to move herself back in while we were away.... She has offered to look after the cat at the house as, apparently, she can not have pets at her apartment. Or then suggested a kid we used once before, both ways that she could get access to a key...
I did find out that I can state that she doesn't have the right to set foot on the property without my permission, failure to comply and I can get police involvment and charges brought. Not planning to go down this road unless she really plays silly games.
Her last couple of texts last night were all friendly again like she was back tracking. It feels like a period of time where she had lost control and the games are really starting as Sandi has mentioned can happen. Texts came in after 8.30 and I have given myself a boundary of not replying after between 8.30pm and 8.30am when it's not an emergency.
Has given me some piece of mind that there is not much she can do to me at the moment from the legal side of things regarding the house. She could try and force a sale but was informed that that process normally takes a year and would be expensive for her.
She even mentioned that she would have her own car by next week, like it really matters to me, but it shows to me that she is still seeking validation. Still seeking her LL of words of affirmation. I have had this feeling for a few weeks that she is not in a relationship, I have the feeling now that it may have been in her head and OM wasn't what she thought he was going to be. Doesn't change my path as she still chose to leave in the manner she did. Had found out that there is gossip at her work that I'm not being her friend etc etc.
Anyways, enough about that, looking forward to my weekend. Another festival to go to with the meetup group, need to work on the car a bit too. Should have enough to keep me busy.
Had a really good night out at another festival last night, meeting some more different people.
Found out that W is still lying even about simple things and blaming friends for her actions. Just looking forward to going on vacation soon and getting away. I'm trying to decide if I should notify her that she cannot legally step foot on the property without my permission (since I'm going to be away) and that failure to comply can result in police involvment. I just think going down that road will not help my situation at all.
So after W lying to me again a few days ago, i have had a couple more strange interactions.
I had to inform her of a invoice from the dentist for S7, said we can put money into the joint account separately or just let the account pay for. Had a text back asking for further explanation of what I meant. I don't know what else I can say so hadn't responded, was out at the festival at the time anyway. Last night at 00.45, I get 2 texts from W about the last school day for S7 (on Wednesday) and the first day back in September.
What I don't get is the time, it's not important info and could wait till the next day. Is she looking to see if I will reply at this time of night? If she is so done with me, why think about me at that time of night?
Our relationship started as a long distance, I was 5 hrs ahead of her and would regularly answer her calls at any time of night. It was the same when I travelled with work, she would call when ever she wanted and I would answer. This is a big 180 for me to not reply or respond to her, even though I still do with other friends from time to time.
She also had the kids this weekend so it's not as if she was alone.
I didn't reply until after 9 this morning, and just with "ok, thanks".
Sandi, any thoughts of why I unimportant texts in the early hours of the morning? Or do I just put it down to the random nature of my new adventures? :-)
I think she's just trying to make sure that you know that she's thinking of you at an odd hour, so that you could journal it and then fixate on it. NO offense :-)
Always respond the next day and those texts will end.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So after text at 1am to give me info on S school, I replied in morning with ok, cheers. Later that day I get an email from her from work 'reminding' me about a summer festival for D3 at the daycare. Later that night I get a text 'reminding' me about S having daycare today as school was finished. So W reminded me about 2 things that parents were invited to but didn't turn up herself for her kids. It feels like she has the out of sight out of mind mentality but then does stuff like this. The email and 2nd text where when she didn't have the kids.
She was also more interested in if I was going to sell the house or buy her out than her own sons visit to the dentist.... The house is negative equity as we had just built it and is far from being finished. It's livable but no garden and many bits to finish.
There really is no consistency in their/her behaviour in this mindset is there?Trying to make sure I spend more time looking at it from the outside cause I do know it will drive me crazy trying to work it out...
Me and the kids had a great time at the festival, they were up late so didnt rush them this morning. 3 more days and off on vacation with the kids again, will be somewhere with no phone or internet access. Looking forward to the break of W inconsistent nonsense as she won't be able to reach us for 18 days. Will be the longest period she has ever gone with no contact to our kids. Just me and family playing on the beach, swimming and showing them places they haven't been before.
Work is keeping me busy but have a new guy on the project who likes to have things his way, guess I will have plenty of opportunity now to practice my patience etc.
Other than that, gym the next couple of nights as the kids are away, see if I can catch up with some friends tomorrow to. Then the weekend packing is ready to go.
