Lost at the moment (2)

[lfm]

Happy Monday all.

Had a decent weekend, WW went to visit her college roommate on Saturday, and I spent the day with my 3 youngest daughters. We went to the pool, grocery shopping, made fajitas for dinner and overall had a good day. My W event texted me to let me know she made it to her friends house, and again when she was leaving, indicating she didn't want me to worry about her. I'll take that as a positive sign.

On Sunday my WW had to work, so I took my three youngest daughters to see a move, and then made dinner, which happens to be one of my wife's favorite dishes. Everyone loved the food, and again, my WW let me know when she was on her way home from work.

The odd thing to me is that my W hasn't been texting or calling anyone over the past week and a half or so, at least not while I'm around. It's a complete 180 from the behavior I've seen over the past several months. It doesn't necessarily mean anything to me at this point other than a curious change in her behavior as she leaves her phone on her docking station in the evening, and doesn't even carry it with her. There hasn't been any communication between us about the future, our relationship or anything for the past week and a half either. The timing of all of that just raises some curiousity, but I'm definitely not about to bring anything up with her, just keep doing what I've been doing, being cordial, doing my best to be a lighthouse in our home, and staying as positive as possible. I feel and see myself starting to become a WAS myself, so we'll see what happens.

Hope everyone is having a terrific start to the week!

[lfm]

Feeling kind of down tonight. Wife decided at the last minute to take my three youngest daughters to visit her mother, which is 4 hours away. This should be a good thing, get some spearation from each other.

Unfortunatley, I took this as an opportunity to snoop a bit, as I've been confused by the behavior I've seen from her recently of no texting and no phone calls. (Bad lfm...)

Anyway, looks like a week ago WW wished the OM well on his vacation off the grid. This tells me that nothing at all has changed between them, although I found text messages from each of them that they need to let each other go, that they don't have time for each other, etc.

I don't believe any of that of course, I'm sure it's just games between the two of them, but doesn't make me feel any better. WW will be back sometime on Friday, so I'm sure she'll take off one night over the weekend, which is fine. I don't really care any more. Like I said in teh above post, I see myself becoming more of an WAS with each one of these instances. I don't see my W ever returning in a way that I want her to, and at this point I'm focused on taking care of myself and trying to be a light for the kids as we move into the new house this next week.

I may consult with a L this next week since I'll have time off just to get an understanding of where I stand and what I need to be thinking about in terms of us potentially heading for a D. I'm not planning on filing any time soon, as I know I need to exhibit patience with this whole thing, but with a new house, the kids, mutliple vehicles, and my W not having a full time job right now, I definitely need to start thinking about protecting my interests outside of the GAL and taking care of myself activiites I've been doing.

Hope everyone else is hanging in there. I know I'll feel better in the morning, it's just finding that stuff this evening that is making feel a bit down.

[lfm]

It's been almost 5 months since I uncoverd my WW's PA, and her A with the OM has been going on for around 8 months (which I know is not very long in the grand scheme of things). With that said, I've done a lot of thinking over the past several days, a couple of which where my wife was out of town with our three youngest kids, and I found I didn't miss her at all. As I've thought about the past several years together, I realize that I don't actually love my wife anymore, I loved the idea of her.

What I mean by that is that I love the idea of someone being there to help take care of the kids and house and to talk to, but the more I think about it, we truly are nothing more than friends with occaissional benefits at least that is what we had become. The "benifits" part of that statement don't really exist anymore since BD.

Anyway... based on this realization, I've decided that I'm going to start working on getting my affairs in order so that I can file for D. It may be a couple of months off before I can actully file as I've got some financial related items to address before filing, and I'll need to work on figuring out the car situation as my WW actually owns the car I drive, so i know that won't be someting I can rely on for transportation once a D is finalized.

I have to say that coming to the realization that I'm going to file for D is really a relief, I don't feel sad about it like I thought I would. And yes I've given this decisions significantly more than the 72 hour waiting period that we all talk about before making big decisions. That doesn't mean I won't have days where I have doubts about it being the right decision, but I realilze I want to be with someone who wants to be 100% committed to me, and I don't know that I can ever have that with my W. I don't think we've been 100% committed to each other for a long time, we've just been going through the motions of being married. Her A has just helped me realize how far off we actually are, and I don't see a future anymore where we are together. I do feel bad for our kids as I'm not sure how exactly they will handle the news when we tell them.

I've asked my wife to have us sit down with them this next weekend to let them know that we're having some marriage issues and that we very well likely may end up divorcing. She seems open to the idea, so we'll see how that goes.

I'll continue to pop in periodically to provide updates on my sitch and personal development progress as the things I've learned from the board and all of you are things that will carry with me for the rest of my life and will only help me be the best lfm I can be, whether I'm alone or find someone else. Thanks all for your support over the past several months. I've found this board to be a true source of inspiration and support, and I wish all of you the best as you go forward.

[RDS]

I know it's a tough decision, but one I probably would have to make myself if I was in your shoes. She doesn't seem to leave you much choice is she is still carrying on the affair.

Good luck.

[lfm]

Thanks RDS. I'm finding that making this decision wasn't as hard or difficult as I thought I would. I thought I would feel more like I did following BD, but I don't have any of those types of emotions right now.

I think all of that tells me that I'm making the correct decision becuase I'm really not that torn up about it (at least not over the past couple of days). I think what upsets me more is that we are closing on the house we were supposed to spend the rest of our days in on Tuesday. One we are building new and picked everything out together on. I'll be sad to let that go when we get around to splitting up assets as it was a big accomplishment to get to. Don't get me wrong, we've built houses together before, but this was supposed to be the last one that we would retire in.

Once the house is gone it truly will feel like i'm starting over. I'm looking forward to new experiences as I've never lived alone, although I'll still have the kidws around, but it will end up at some point being my household and mine alone.

Best of luck with your situation as well RDS!

[Buxom]

Sorry for you having to do the dirty work ifm. I admire the strength and conviction you have come to. Doing it for your peace of mind is great! Hope the talk with the kids go well. Please let us know how that goes. I need to do that with mine soon too.

[lfm]

Thanks for posting Buxom. I'll definitely let everyone know how that goes. Should be interesting with 4 teenagers that will all be able to understand what we tell them and a 7 year that will probably understand more than I thihk she will.

It'll definitely be an interesting discussion!

[Surfer]

Ifm. Sorry to see your have a cr@ppy time of it all. It's not fun, but it is tolerable and it will get better. In terms of telling the kids, my WW walked with the kids on 6/6/(201)6 a - spooked eh 666! She moved all her things out whilst I took the kids away and played pretend happy families - knowing what was happening. We have S6 and D8. They are fine now but it was very painful telling them. We all cried. I really recommend telling them together, keeping it factual and have the same script. They will cry for a while but it won't last long. They will then just talk to you about how they feel - sporadically of course. That's the hard bit but again it's tolerable. i guess we all tend to assume that it will all be a terrible disaster but that's not always the case.

All the best..

[lfm]

Thanks Surfer! I appreciate the insight from someone who has had those discussions with their kids.

[Surfer]

If you need it I can dig out something I was given by my L which helped to script things for me and WW.