Cherry- operation sass!

[Cherry]

I get what you mean, but I'm not quite ready to drop the rope and consider him XH yet. I'm wise, and I'm strong, I have every faith that if and when that's what I decide, I will know when the time is right.

Meanwhile, like the lighthouse story says, they aren't capable of a r with anyone right now. So I'm stepping aside for a while and focusing on myself and my babies.

Got a busy day in work today. So that keeps me busy at least, even if I run the risk of bumping into h or skank. But I'm ready to give them both my greatest "screw your" look.

[betterm]

But I'm ready to give them both my greatest "screw your" look.

I obviously don't know you personally, but you seem like a positive, upbeat, energetic type of woman. I'm picturing this "screw you" look like something out of a cartoon from someone that has never given one before... haha. Have you been practicing this look to perfection?

[Cherry]

Haha it's come naturally to me recently! I'm a very friendly person, but cross me and I'm fiery! I'm Latin so I can be hot blooded.

But yeah a good raised eyebrow often speaks volumes too.

[JksD]

Dear Cherry,
I have a feeling that I may need the 'scr&w you but I am classier than you because I have morals ' look soon.

Need to add that to my repertoire of my Resting Bitch Face look.

[betterm]

What is the male eequivalent of resting bitch face?

[JksD]

Betterm, it's the resting bastard face.

[DDJ]

LOL

[Cherry]

Haha I love this. My h often has the resting bastard face perfected.

But yeah the screw you look can definitely be complimented by the but I have class and morals. All about how you handle yourself.

A few days ago, I was walking around a little timid, and if i ran into the ow, or h, I would look nervous. Then my good old white anger kicked in and I felt more myself again. Now my head is held high, with a little "ain't nobody got time for that" thrown in.

H was full of q's again today, when am I going to work, when am I finishing work bla-de-blah.

Just like the other day, I saw there no point being overly mysterious or questioning why he wanted to know these things. So I told him straight. I guess it's because I was leaving way earlier than I should. It seems that h is very curious into where I am going, and who am I going with.

I shall not over think, I shall keep on keeping on.

Meanwhile in my life, had a very important meeting with a big boss from legal in the company today. And guess who had to jog out full speed ahead as the amount of coffee fumes in the room made me gag *waves hand*

And everybody keeps telling me how great I'm looking and "have you lost weight, you're tiny". I feel I look exactly how I feel! I guess I'm still trying with my appearance. My clothes are still looking sharp, I put my mascara on, and I have masses of long blonde hair which almost manages itself most days, so I'm lucky!

[bigybiz]

Cherry:

If it's OK I'd like to tell you my story. It maybe a little long but, there is an important lesson.

22 years ago my W and conceived a child, we weren't married, we had just started a "serious" relationship. We both vowed that we were not going to be parents and would be career focused. To add to this W was still not divorced from her 1st marriage.

I panicked. I did not want to be a parent, I thought it was a trap, etc, etc, We almost gave up the baby for adoption, then my sister said she would raise it. W decided she would be a single mother. For the next 6 months, we had a weirdo relationship. I would see W and daughter a little. We went back and forth on what was going to happen. After she started talking about moving to Calgary and possibly marrying the next man that would be a love and care for D20, it really changed my thinking. Finally, I realized that I needed to step up and be a husband and father.

Here is the important part. W and I never became a couple, she never really forgave me for not saying we'd get married the day she found out she was pregnant. She would punish me with that for years. As a result we never connected, we hid things from each other and here we are.

Expecting a new baby can really motivate a man (ask me I know). I hope that your family will be rebuilt. I hope that the arrival of your new baby will be bring H back. If he feels trapped, he will be resentful. You can't let him off the hook either (since he is already a parent he get's the responsibility part).

I don't have any solutions for you. I don't recommend any threats or games. I do know that as Sandi2 says often about the WW until a loss is felt - remorse won't kick in.

We can't instigate that loss. It will sneak up on the Wayward Spouse.

I told you my story, I hope it helps.

Wanna hear something wacky. These days as I'm alone - I sometimes fantasize about W and I having a one night stand-conceiving a baby and her having to come back. Talk about history repeating itself - Have I learned nothing??

[Cherry]

Bigybiz, thank you for sharing that story with me. Sometimes I wonder if he suddenly feels scared, or like its a trap or something.

Yeah that's how I feel too, and I don't think he will. I think he is going to carry on his wayward adventure until he feels that loss. Somedays I feel like that loss will possibly me walking. When anger was in full rage when he bd me again, I told him if he closes the door on me he will regret it. He said yeah you're probably right but I need to learn my lesson.

His mom told him in no certain terms if he d's me, he will loose her. That has then created more resentment as he then sees me as a "little miss perfect". I can do nothing to influence people's decision, nor am I the type to meddle and play the "he said she said" game and ruin things further.

He wanted to collect me from work to save me getting a train home. As he offered I accepted. He then went on to talk his feelings, I did my best to stfu and just listen and validate. For once I feel I did this well. He mentioned "if we split" and hates how "no one gets how he feels" again, I did my best to stfu and not get into an argument. It hurts to feel like I'm this ogre he doesn't want to be connected to.

I'm doing my best not to make my feelings known when I feel angry or upset, but finding new ways to cope. Go for a walk, do an activity. Something, anything rather than rant at him.

It hurts. It does. And I wish I could force something upon him to change his mind. But that's impossible. I don't think he has felt any loss to fully get him out of the fog since the very first time he said these words to me.

He still feels the grass is greener elsewhere