My wife walked out 3

[MoveFrwd]

I watch the cameras that are in the room, and she's not really able to look at them this summer as she's in charge of a preschool camp and has little downtime.

In my opinion, if she's able to text you, she's able to check the cameras.

[Ginger1]

I watch the cameras that are in the room, and she's not really able to look at them this summer as she's in charge of a preschool camp and has little downtime.

In my opinion, if she's able to text you, she's able to check the cameras.

My point exactly:)

[RSG]

Well, this AM another good drop off for the little guy. He's really taking to the new school which is fantastic. WW isn't handling it well, as she misses him terribly during her day. But she's very happy he's doing well.

This AM, she sent me reminders about bringing his swim gear to school and I had already packed it the night before. I'm getting good at this stuff.

She's been sounding "closer" through texts than in quite a while. Using my name numerous times (the 2nd week she called me OP's name on the phone, and hasn't called me by name at all), saying nice things about me and generally being more pleasant. Well, this AM she called (because I inadvertently hit the call button on phone when getting out of car then hung up. ugh) and asked about dropoff. Was matter of fact and quick about it, noting it was positive. Conversation kept going, on her end, and she was mentioning what's going on, her friends and general goings on. I just listened. No advice, discussion, just listened. Felt weird, but I read that women go to people they trust just to discuss problems and "life" so I tried to do that.

She brought up money. I was so groggy and had no info in front of me so I said I'd just send an email. We have therapy bills, tuition, tag fees and preschool registration fee. I worked it out, and she got bent out of shape I asked her to pay half the Reg fee. I place this under tuition, as it MUST be paid for him to enter. She got miffed and asked how can I have an apt, get gas food, etc if she has to pay this stuff. I just said, normally that's something a H would take care of for his family. The last thing I'm doing is make her living alone easier! I mean, she had money for a tattoo and hair color, so she has money for S.

She said she looked at the cameras today because I asked, but she couldn't find him. (This is legit, it's naptime and he's behind a bookcase) I told her where to look and she said ok he looks good. Didn't seem angry or anything at me.

She also asked today if I was stand-offish. I'm not always certain about her word choices in context, so I looked it up. A synonym was detached lol.

Scheduled my first appointment w/IC today! Next Thurs at 6PM. I asked if she were pro-M, and she said no but was comparing herself to a church type counselor who is 100% pro so I thought that was ok. She's NEVER told anyone to D. I told her I wanted to give the best effort I could to saving my M, and she said great I'll definitely do what I can to help. I'm excited and terrified. Telling a stranger what I've told nobody else, but also getting help I need so I CAN give my best effort. I owe that much to S.

[RSG]

So, I text W tonight so we can get busy on next week's schedule for S. She has appointments and so do I. Her folks are coming in Saturday for a day visit and she'll have S from Fri night to Sunday night. I ask if she can pick up S Thursday, and she says sure. I just tell her to let me know when the rest of her appts are (she's told me dentist, doctor, lady doctor, eye doctor, etc) and she says "it's not your business and you probably don't care but Dr wants to talk to me about blood pressure meds." Whoa. She's 32 and in pretty good shape. However, she eats crap when stressed (and lately refunding or eating nothing), will workout hard even when she's had nothing but coffee and has been boozing a bit (said she quit last week, but who knows).

That worries me. Don't want to pester her about it, but I really would like to know about this. I get the sense sometimes she thinks I hate her/lost interest, and throws in little bits of info out to get my attention and try to get sympathy out of me. (Money, health, bad day at work, etc) Maybe it's a temp check?

[lt0402]

RSG I started going to an IC about 3 weeks into my sitch and it's been massively helpful. Just the ability to get an external point of view on things has been massively awesome.

Also, I'm by no means an expert, but the blood pressure meds piece does seem like a covert temp check to me. There are definitely better folks around here to advise you there though.

Sounds like you're doing a decent job moving forward, keep it up brother!

[RSG]

I'm looking forward to a professional's POV as well, and to have someone to help me navigate my emotions. Also, NOBODY knows about the A while only my immediate family and best friend know I'm S. So, opening up to someone will be like lifting a burden off my shoulders.

When I read her text from last night again, it was so passive-aggressively worded that temp check seems right. "I want S's Mother to be healthy" isn't exactly the response she was hoping for.

As for today, well nothing yet lol. She asked me to let her know how dropoff went. I text her around 9 and said "dropoff was great." She said ok. CBTDAD told me she'd get upset if I suddenly cut down on chatting. Low and behold, I think she is. As for me, it's been a good week. I know that means I'm probably due for a crummy day soon, but I've had a great week with S and am excited he's taking to his new school. I feel even keeled, haven't talked to WW much and just living life.

She's picking kiddo up around 5:30 to keep him for a few days. I should finally be able to get some rest, that little boy is tiring!!

[RSG]

WW picked up kiddo. Zero interaction, just handed over supplies and asked if I wanted to meet at park Sunday to pick him back up. Sad to see him go, but he'll be back in less than 48 hrs.

I'm going to use this time to clean up, exercise, run errands, rest and do some reading.

[cbtdad]

RSG, use this next 48 hours as a gift of time. Get out and enjoy being alone. I know that sounds weird, but it's very important. Go do things by yourself as well as relax at home some as well. Dont spend all your time at home reading and "thinking"
Keep yourself busy. Enjoy the moment that you have to yourself. I know it's awesome having a little son and the love for him is great, but you need to know how to make you happy as well.
When she send you text of pics of son or other stuff kept it to a minimum of words. Just say thanks for sending or I appreciate the update.
Whatever you do, and this will be really hard, don't text her asking for updates and pics. I know you want to see him and know how he is doing, but it's important you show her you aren't co-dependent on the situation even if you are feeling like you are
As far as the limiting texting goes. She will get more upset, but then she will actually start to be nicer. The key is when she becomes nicer is to not go back to texting her and responding all the time. Keep the worlds and responses at a bare minimum.
Have an awesome weekend!

[RSG]

Thanks!! Yes, this time is def for me. I love my boy dearly, but M-F 6AM to 5:15PM is draining!! There are some things I HAVE to do, but I'm taking some time for me too.

She did send me a pic of him eating pizza, and said they went to the store and picked out their grub together. He was asking for pizza all week with me too, we just didn't have time to get out. I thought "AWWW" but just said "sounds good."

She told me when he went to bed, and I said good. I added hope he has fun tomorrow. We text about 5-6 times today. A couple days ago, I went back through my texts. Wow, I HAVE come a long way. When this started I was just happy to have a chat. Now, she's the instigator wanting my attention....

Thanks for the coaching. I see what you mean. If I "fold" a little when she starts getting nicer, she'll know she can turn on the charm and get what she wants. I've noticed she's started respecting me more, so consistent action across the board seems essential.

You have a great weekend too!!

[RSG]

Stayed away for the weekend, though I lurked a little bit while I waited at the mall. I had a really good weekend except a couple things I'll get into below.

Friday night was nice. Quiet, enjoyed laying about and doing what I wanted in my own time. Got up around 6:30, but was finally able to just lay rather than get up and rush out. Ended up getting back to sleep and laying around until 8:30. WW started with the pics around 10:30. I answered the first two pretty quickly, though with one word responses. Then the next batch around 11:30. I answered around an hour later while I was at the mall, one word again. Later, after lunch she text a couple of pics of him running around the park. I looked at them, but didn't answer until 2 hours later because I took a nap. She told me when he went to sleep and I said "sounds like he had a great day." I went to the mall, ran some errands and was able to lounge around the house. Not much thinking about things. I was able to read, but instead of the battle in my life it was about the Battle of Sharpsburg. I haven't read for ME since she left, it was nice.

Today, met around 9 at the park to pick up little guy. Never happened before, but when he got off of a slide and saw me he ran over, said DADDY! and gave me a big hug. Then as we walked from the playground to a grassy area, he wanted my hat and put it on his head. THEN he asked me to hold him. WW got a little jealous, asked him to come over for a hug and kiss and took a picture with him with my hat on. He had fun and obviously enjoyed being with M/D. WW and I chatted a little, and I really did feel like it was with a neighbor. I let her do the talking and only said a few words. She's got some stuff to do at work re finances, a bunch of people are quitting and she's doing lessons for fall term. She got little guy in my car, and before I could get in to leave she talked about work some more for about 5 minutes and I just listened. Finally said bye, didn't think twice and just drove off. Didn't feel a thing...

I asked a parenting question about 2 hours after I got home and we exchanged about 5 texts. She mentioned she's doing online classes for work, and trying to do things to work on S communication skills (which she's not been good with, whereas I have been ever since he started speech therapy) and the class is relevant to him.

Then tonight it got weird. Took S to the pool. We were doing great, he was doing so well swimming that a (nice looking) woman asked me if I taught him myself. After about an hour, he's about to get out and I notice he's stopped and pushing. Sure enough, just as I grab his arm.....POOP. @%#! I go through this again, like July 4th, except alone. Clean him up, pop his butt, tell him over and over YOU POOP IN THE POOL WE GO HOME. He freaked out of course, but didn't fight. We went home, he showered. I told WW what he did and asked for ideas. We shared some, and she asked about our schedule for this week which we figured out rather quickly. She then called around 7 to say goodnight to him, but he wasn't very interested and she seemed sad. As if she'd been looking forward to it...

So, this weekend, overall, was good. The pool incident put a damper on things, but it was a good test for me as a single dad. I didn't offer any pictures or shooting the bull texts, and only asked a few things directly related to parenting. She seems very interested in where I'm doing counseling, asking if it was on the road I live on. (It's not.) I didn't think about things much, and when I wondered aloud about what was going on with her I just told myself it didn't matter. She seemed nicer, and more respectful, to me at the park and spent a good few minutes talking about what she has going on and what they did yesterday (without my asking about it).

Overall, I think I'm actually detaching somewhat. I know I'm an attractive, intelligent man with a good job who may be 35 but looks 25 clean shaven. I'm more confident in who I am and what I look like than ever before. I'm a great Daddy and know that my little guy will always be my priority. I like where I am and feel pretty positive but know I have to keep working. I know I can have a happy life w/o WW ever being more than my son's mom.

Looking forward to this week, hoping to keep things up. I'm taking little guy to school, but she wants to pick him up and keep him tomorrow so I'll be going out for supper. T through Th morning will be my time, she'll have him until we meet next Su morning at the same park. But, first things first....follow my own advice and continue take it one day at a time!