What Should I Be Doing (Piecing 7)

[Coconut]

Sandi, everything that ive asked her straight forward and been able to verify she lied about..

I Asked what she told my friend after I saw text to her using OM name in reference to the texts, she said I just told her we are having issues. I asked did u tell her about affair, she said no.. (Lie)

I saw her talking to a guy in back of fire department parking lot by his truck, I called and asked if she was still practicing her practicals, she said I'm still at station, I asked if she was still practicing, she said yeah, I'm still at station. (Not truthful, she had been done practicing for at least 30 minutes).

I asked about the apps, she said downloaded months ago, checked iTunes found out was 2 weeks prior, she still said months ago, then changed her story twice. (Lie)

I asked several times if she had had any communication with OM since bd, she kept saying no. Then later she admitted to calling him night I posted texts, but he nvr answered. Then I saw she had one 3 minute call and she said she left voicemail, voicemails don't not last 3 minutes, but I gave benefit of doubt.

These are the ones I can think of right now. None of these are deal breakers if she would of been honest and open about them, but it's the constant deceit that set me off.

As far as me checking up on her or asking questions, it was to the point where I wasn't bringing anything up for 1 or 2 weeks at a time, I definitely wasn't questioning daily or even often... But every time I did ask a question she would get really defensive.

Now for me thinking I didn't do anything wrong... I did explain to her that I felt as soon as I got list of things I had done to hurt her I immediately showed true remorse for my actions and did 180s on everything that she said hurt her, plus a lot of other things to put in work to make me and us better and that I didn't feel like she ever put an honest effort in doing anything other than what I specifically asked for. I don't think it's the fact that I don't think I did anything wrong that she sees, I think it's the fact that I feel I've been doing everything I can to right those wrongs and I feel like I'm doing my part and that she isn't... Not good I know, but I think that's what she means.

[cbtdad]

Cnut,
I'm not sure if I've shared this with you or not.
But there is a veteran here named uRworthy. She was so helpful in my first sitch, especially on patience. I couldn't believe it the other day when you she stopped by my thread. I was excited because I wasn't sure she was still around.
Anyways. This is one of the things she said to me in my first sitch;

"Whether you worry or not has no effect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can"

"Trying to understand the "crazy" is never gonna pay off for you..
Try to accept the the new reality of what is happening around you, and not let you mind wander to the land of "what ifs" and "whys"
There are a lot of scary creatures that live there...
What she is doing, doesn't make you better, or her worse, it is what it is...
It doesn't mean it always has to be this way..."


I try and read this when I find myself wondering off to the land of "is this always gonna be like this and if so then I rather leave"
I just thought this might help in your current sitch
Hopefully uRworthy sees your thread and chimes in because she has great advice on patience

[Coconut]

Thank you for posting that cbt, it does put it in perspective, but I wonder does accepting the now for what it is mean that you shouldn't decide it's not what you want.

[Coconut]

I'm starting a new thread because I've started a new chapter in this chapter and feel like it deserves its own chapter in my story.

[Coconut]

This is something I wrote on kyler's thread, I thought it describes how I feel happy with myself and feel detached when I'm apart from my W.

I don't think you should consider out of sight - out of mind as detached, you will likely be emotionally affected the next time something crazy happens with your W... But OOS-OOM will help you for now, allowing you to focus on you, to find your happiness. When you find your happiness, the next time you find your self emotionally charged because of an action of W, you'll know that you can and will return to your place of self happiness, that will help you find the indifference to your Ws actions that's known as detachment.



New thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2691731&#Post2691731

Sent from my iPad