What an eventful weekend I had. I can't say it was very pleasing but it took me until yesterday to get back on track. Had a great time with colleagues last night and even one of them had a dig at H because he was late to pick up kids, which meant we were both late for work! The funny thing is that H wouldn't normally texted me about what my colleague would say but he texted me twice to say how he disapproved about what my friend said! He even apologised for being late! Now what I found funny was that she only told him the truth that we were late for work by 30 minutes and when he challenged her she called him a tasser! Obviously he didn't like the truth but he also didn't like the fact that it was said in front of the kids as it doesn't put him in a good light!
I was so proud of myself as I didn't intervene (180 for me!) and when I got his texts I didn't feel the need to read it or even answer it! My friend made me laugh because she hadn't seen him for 2 years now and she told me that he looked fat and unhappy! I have to be honest as it pleased me to hear it as I don't think he is that happy, and he has put some weight on! It was nice to see that I wasn't the only one to notice it. I knew my friend would have said nothing if he was looking good! Also I was dressed really nicely as it was a presentation of certificate for our students' achievements and I felt like a million dollars. So after the last 3 down days, I'm feeling pretty good and happy😀
Bonjour Rouky! Sounds like you're doing well and I'm so glad to hear that.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I'm starting to understand that what is keeping me from dropping the rope is fear. As the vets always say here: actions speak louder than words, and I think that it is what is preventing me from dropping it. After 3 years if not 4 years with OW, H hasn't introduced her to kids and still hasn't filed. I think this is what is keeping me in limbo as I'm trying to mind read H's actions. My mind is thinking if he hasn't introduced her to our children and not file is that OW isn't that important to him. One of my friend suggested that she might have high expectation, but H not so much! I can understand him not filing because it's expensive, doesn't want to look like the bad guy but also he can say to OW that he can't commit to her because he is still married! Regarding the introduction to kids, I guess he doesn't want to be seen as the bady by our kids. So why I'm still holding on to the rope: because I'm scared to be on my own and be single for the rest of my life, so by over analysing H's actions it gives me hope. I have to be honest with myself and admit that since H's gone. I have been out a lot, I don't need to do the housework by a certain day and there are few more others things that I'd not have done if I still were with H! I can deal with him not loving me anymore but my huge trouble is dealing with rejection. I have centred all my life around H and to what purpose: him cheating on me and forcing me to make a decision for him to stay with wife or OW. I clearly lost on this one! I'm not ready to date as I need to deal with that fear of being alone! DB is not about saving your M but about finding ourselves again.
You have nothing to fear but fear itself. Dropping the rope does scare some people. Dropping the rope doesn't mean you have totally given up. It can mean that you are just letting the situation take it's own course and allowing God to do his work w/o you trying to hold on to the situation. It means that you are going on w/your life for the time being and just leaving things be.
You will continue to discover that the world now revolves around you and the things that you do. You will discover that those things that you use to do on a certain day, no longer matter and come to realize you can do them whenever you want to. You will discover that you do not need your h to make you feel complete, but it would be nice to share things w/him and/or w/someone else.
As for the ow and divorce. It could be that he doesn't want to remarry any time soon, so he uses the excuse that he's still married and, in some cases, they will say that the spouse is refusing to give them a divorce. For whatever reason, he's not ready to divorce and marry this ow. Some do and some don't end up marrying the ow, but time will tell what your h is going to do. If you don't push the divorce, he could very well be happy w/the way things are.
So, what do you do? Start dropping the rope just a wee bit. Continue to rediscover Rouky. Put the focus on you and make yourself the center of your attention. Do things that make you happy for a change. You've come a long way in a very short time. You are start to grow and test the waters of being on your own...try not to second guess yourself. I think you are doing great! Just remember...it's one step at a time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Rocky, That was great advice given by Job. It is scary to drop the rope after centering your life on someone so completely that you almost forget who you are. But it's OK to do it as well as ok to have trouble. Baby steps until your new Rouky legs grow
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Now I'm laughing as the kids just told me that H is buying a new car but hasn't got money to file! I had a great pampering day and I really feel good. I also realised that if I was still with H, I would have never been able to have a couple of hours to get my hair done. Usually I'd feeling guilty as I'd feel it wasn't money well spent when I could have spent it on the family, because now there is no family with H, I was free from guilt! Being separated isn't that bad after all! I have settled well in new house and neighbour hood. My kid are out with their new friends and it's nice to see that it's a good place for them!
You can see where your h's priorities are...a new car. Maybe he's hoping you'll file.
I'm glad you had a great pampering day. We all need days like that and I'm really glad you are discovering your new found freedom to do what you want and when you want w/o feeling guilty. I say "go, girl"!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well if he is hoping for me to file, he is going to wait for a long time, and with what happened in the UK recently I have no intention to file! Went out to a theme park with the kids, and we had a good time. What I found hard is even tough I know we had a great time I was struggling to feel really happy. It was only towards the end that I really felt at peace. Was a lot sad as there were a lot of families but I also noticed a lot of single mother like me.
I think the road for recovery is going to take longer than I anticipated as my brain is right on the ball but at the moment it's my heart that rules! I'm wondering why I still keep hoping for someone who wasn't good for me.
Also because he isn't filing and not introducing kids to OW, I feel it keeps me in limbo! I'm trying to get on with my life but I'm finding it so hard to come back home in the evening and having no one to talk to and share things with. I know everyone deserve to be happy H and OW, but what I don't understand is why he didn't split with me if he was that unhappy and why did she had to go for a married man. She isn't bad looking and I'm sure she gets a lot of attention from men, so why my H? I guess I'll never get any answers anyway!
