My wife walked out 3

[RSG]

WW called early this AM and asked to meet at a park, I suggested 9 and we met. S had fun, ran all over the place, wore himself out and enjoyed being with Mommy and Daddy. She had just come from the gym. I noticed she got a new tattoo. "Miles to go" written in cursive on her wrist. That makes 3 (2 small, 1 large). She does like Robert Frost but I've never been a fan of tattoos, and always looked passed it because I loved her. The fact she's gotten another one since we've been separated says a lot, especially since she knows I don't care for them. She didn't TELL me either, she said she's had it for a few weeks and I just saw it.

I wasn't very engaged. I never sat close to her, didn't really converse and just wasn't interested. She felt miles away. She asked if it felt weird for me, and I said no it's fine (because I knew S enjoyed it) and she responded that it wasn't weird for her. She seemed to be in a decent mood and enjoyed being with S. I just didn't have any interest in conversing. I didn't have butterflies or anything, she just felt distant and in turn I didn't have any interest in anything. She was texting the whole time (I had put mine away), made it a point to take pictures with him right next to me and never said much of anything to me other than a couple things about S and comments about what he was doing in the moment.

Are my feelings normal? I felt almost nothing substantive for her when I saw her, besides the fact I think she's attractive. I feel like she wants to try to be my friend, and I have ZERO interest in that. Maybe I'm putting too much into an hour spent with and for S at the park, I don't know....

[RSG]

Oh, and I should add...she tried to send me a pic of S last night at 11:45, reading Green Eggs and Ham. It was his favorite book a few years ago. The link wouldn't work though, and she never tried to resend. It was really weird, I thought it was spam!

[RSG]

Sandi, can you take a look at my last few posts and tell me what you think?

[MoveFrwd]

I think anytime you have the urge to move forward that it's best to pull back.

I think you may need to stop having so much communication and play dates.

Remember that you can never go "too slow"

[cbtdad]

Rsg,
This is why I was saying that it's so important to GAL for yourself right now. You have to be happy with or without spouse. If not, she will immediately pick up on the "wanting it to work" from you. Not by you words or actions, but she will just "feel" it
That's why in this case you can't fake it. It won't last.

My W got another tattoo as well. I think she was surprised because I actually liked it. And she could tell that it was genuine when I said so. Because it was.
I've never been a tattoo guy either, but I also was looking at my W as a "dream woman" and not someone who is her own individual self and has her own wants and needs. Which aren't just me and my son.
I see things so differently now.

Just keeping working on you.
I agree with darkness. Pull back on the communication

[Coconut]

I really need to calm down about everything. Her emotions are all over the place, and I'm too affected by it. I'm speculating too much.

Based on what you said I don't think you need Sandi2's advice, you know what you need to do.

You've said you don't like where she's at, she told you she needs to get back who she used to be, assuming you liked who she was so that needs to happen, it will take time. Take a step back from the day to day changes, how are you doing today compared to two weeks ago? Stay focused on you, I know it's hard but drop your expectations and trying to figure out where she is. You've been doing great, stay on that path.

[RSG]

You guys are right. I realized that. Then this happened:

I was at my neighbor's, who invited me over for burgers and beer. It was fun. I come back to check my phone, WW has Facetimed 3 times and called once. I FT, and she tells me she's been throwing up all afternoon and has nothing in her tummy again. Her head is pounding and she's a wreck. She's about to hangup, and asks if I love her anymore. I just stare, and ask her if she loves me anymore. She says no, and then I say what does it matter what I say anymore. She thinks I'm doing better as friends. Then, not 5 minutes later, she says she's going to the clinic tomorrow in addition to starting therapy and telling me because she has nobody else who cares. The only other person would be her Dad, who's 3 hours away in Huntsville and indispensable as he takes care of her Mom 24/7.

She says she got red highlights in her hair, but I didn't see this AM nor on the phone. She knows I loathe that stuff. Seems like rebellion. She starts bawling, talking about how sick she feels. Stomach in awful shape, constant headaches, sleeps all the time but always tired. Asks if there's such thing as a summer flu. I don't think she did anything today but the gym and see S and I at the park. Well, and lay in bed. She calls herself an F-up and cries.

I didn't remember this stuff all in order, but it's everything that was said. Coconut, you're right. Rock bottom. Her health is in the crapper, and it's affecting her mind. She may not love me. I have no way of knowing what's really in there. But, S deserves a mother that's in her right mind and healthy. My marriage seems secondary right now. I told her to please let me know how therapy and clinic goes, because S deserves it. I know she's not happy, she's not healthy, S needs his mama bear back and I don't know where she went. (I called her that at the height of our marriage, when we were in love and she was Super Mom.)

I'm so stressed. I was hurt when she said she didn't love me, and the friends crap made me angry. But, she seemed drunk as her words were slurred; however, she's been on steroids for an allergic reaction, and dehydration causes similar reactions. I have to be strong for her and try to be sympathetic, for my S's sake. Even though I know her mind is screwed up, it's hard to ignore when someone says they don't love you anymore.

She's sick, mentally and physically. She needs to talk to someone neutral, and I applaud therapy. She needs to see a Doctor, not a clinician. This has gotten so much more difficult than I ever thought it would get. I thought I'd have to forgive her lies. I thought I'd have to forgive walking out. An affair. And now possible substance abuse which could be linked to actual sickness and mental breakdowns. I'm doing this all for my S. And damn my weak heart, I still love the woman I just don't think I can tell her anytime soon.

I'm very interested in what happens tomorrow with therapy, and her physical diagnosis. S literally worships his mother. He needs us both, together, more than anything but I'll accept both of us in sane mind and body. I'm struggling, but getting through as best I can.

What a day!!!

[betterm]

Rsg, dang! What a day is right, I think you are doing really well for someone in your position. I agree with you that mental and physical health take priority as far as fixing MR problems. They are justas important as emotional and spiritual health when it comes to being someone that your S needs as a mmother figure in his life. Keep showing your support, I'm sure it's real and meaningful when it comes to this person you still love so deeply, for more reasons than just being your dream wife of the future.

[cbtdad]

RSG, I know I keep referring to my first sitch but it's so similar.
Just continue to be the strong father you are being for your son.
Your W is not herself right now and it's clear to see.
This is why it's so important that you continue to work on you and be the best RSG you can be

[Zues126]

For sure RSG.

It's REALLY hard to detach. And it's hard not to see things from a narrative we want to be true: "WW is not herself, she is in the fog, this isn't really her, she'll snap out of it, she's in pain so obviously it is because she isn't being true to herself, she'll hit bottom and realize the right thing to do is work on our issues and R..."

Problem with this narrative is that 1) it is all speculation about the future and isn't necessarily right, and 2) it keeps you attached as heck.

Sorry to say, there are many other ways this can play out. I wen through the same thing with XW, she was wayward, depressed, lonely, said she would always love me, hated divorce, missed the marriage, she didn't have anywhere to turn. Well, she attempted suicide shortly thereafter. Then when she was back from the hospital it was full speed ahead to the divorce, we aren't compatible, she was on her journey of inner healing.

Oh, and don't think the IC is going to help her "shine a light through the fog". IC's work for their client, and people hear what they want to hear. XW probably spent half her time painting me as abusive to IC so therapy was about giving her the strength to move on from a dangerous destructive relationship and the big bad wolf that I am, and XW found the IC sessions proof that she was better than ever and on the right road.

Bottom line, the best thing you can do is save yourself. Normally I'd say to create as much distance as possible, but that's not always the best if there isn't an affair. Maybe I missed it, has there been any known EA/PA?

Beyond that, work on you. I have read a few threads now and don't know off the top of my head what your contributions were to the breakdown of the M and what your 180s are...which means you're not talking about it enough.

Finally, I'd highly recommend a DB coach. I don't want to hear about how much they cost. You say you love your WAW and want to save your M. Spend the money and get help. You say WAW refuses IC. DB is all about changing the dynamic by changing yourself. She doesn't need to go to IC, or to agree with you. You can promote change. And while I didn't want to scare you with talk about my XW's attempt, I will say this...your family is in danger, and you need *PROFESSIONAL* advice. Not spending the money now would be like trying to skimp on going to the hospital for cancer. Please get a pro on your side.