Foucs on Me and my Boys 4

[J5K]

Rose, Ginger,

I know for a fact that she is documenting everything so that I do not get custody of the boys to justify her being a SAHM.

All I did was relay what the boys shared with me to the L. Again, not sure if it will have an impact on the custody decision or not, just journaling.

I am not trying to dictate or control when she puts them to bed either, I never made a statement to they boys or her about it, I kept my thoughts to myself. Gosh, if I did bring it up with STBX she would have chastised me for it.

They are not with me, just put my thoughts in writing on this forum is all.

Did not mean to offend you Rose and Ginger.

[Ginger1]

Not offended at all.

She can document away, but rarely does a court ever deny a father wanting to be in their kids lives. Especially one that is of no harm and loving. Just because she is a SAHM, she won't get full custody. 50/50 is becoming much more accessible now, may it be an uphill battle sometimes. But denying custody because the mom doesn't work, will not happen.

[J5K]

No doubt. I completely agree. The problem is our sitch is a little different.

I live in Michigan and she lives in Toronto and she wants the boys to move there.

I have no problem with 50/50 here in Michigan, I just don't think she is going to move back here. STBX still believes the judge will grant her custody and allow her to move the boys to Toronto.

[Rose888]

Not offended, but I don't think putting kids to bed at 7:15 is worth documenting. Nor do I think going out on the nights you have the kids is worth documenting.

Documenting them implies you think they should be taken into consideration during the custody decision.

Is a judge really going to give her a black mark for putting young kids to bed at that hour? My 10 year old has an 8:00 bedtime!

[J5K]

Rose

Again I'm not judging on her parenting time just jotted down my thoughts because the boys keep telling me that Mommy lets them stay up late in the summertime. My 7 year old knows how to tell time and she normally let's him stay up until 10pm.

I agree I don't think any of this is going to mean anything to the judge and then the end we will have 50 50 custody the question is the distance on where the two parents live.

I think most anything that she and I document won't mean anything to the judge.

[J5K]

Anyone have advice on how to speak with an S7 who doesn't want to talk to their dad?

I am not going to read into anything or assume STBX is feeding him info to play the victim.

I am looking for an approach to build a better relationship with S7 because everytime he os with mom he has no interest in speaking with me.

[Ginger1]

not speaking to you with when he is with his mom has nothing to do with your relationship, and you can't really make him.

My D is 8, almost 9. When she is with me, she rarely calls her dad. And she could be with me up to a week straight. She has an ipad and can text him or facetime if she pleases, but usually doesn't. Why? Because she is 8. Her focus is elsewhere and it has nothing to do with her dad. She is present in the activities she is doing with me, or her friends, or her life here.

Then, when she goes to her dad's, she rarely calls me. Sometimes she will facetime me when she is bored. Other than that, she is busy and focusing on her life there. And I am all for that.

My D8 loves her TV shows and is a Netflix addict. If she is in the middle of a show, she wants to speak with no one. She choses time with her friends over either one of us. She's a kid.

When you are with your S, that's when you work on really building the R. I understand your fears, but you have to remember, he is 7, and he turns his focus onto what is in front of him. And 7 year old boys are not much for conversations on the phone.

I know this is mostly for you and that's ok. Even though it makes you feel better to talk with him, just remember, he is being a 7 year old boy. You can always call him, but don't get upset if he doesn't want to talk to you, it has nothing to do with you.

[Painter]

Jim's W has done some things that smells like manipulation. Like keeping the kids' favorite toys at her place. She sounds like she is very capable of playing games, so I would continue to watch out for alienation games. They need to be stopped early.

[Rose888]

I agree, but I think a better indication is how S7 relates to Jim when he is with Jim.

Jim, are you in family counseling with the boys? That might be a way to get in front of any alienation attempts.

[J5K]

I did take S7 once but he did not have much to say to the C.

The psychologist who is doing the evaluation for custody said the boys are adapting well. In general they are. I don't ask what mommy does, if she goes out, etc. because I know that is some form of parental alienation. The boys give up that information freely to me sometime.

Rose and Ginger, if you have not followed my thread from the beginning, we adopted all of these boys so I can see why S7 may have a pull towards mom because he has not had a true mom for a while and is trying to fill that need. I try to fill the role but I know I never will be that role to the extent my STBX will. He constantly asks if he has been behaving well with both of us. It breaks my heart every time he asks that question. I make sure I touch him and hold him daily. That goes for all of them.