Honestly I would have thought she would have messaged me and told me she's finished work and at least offered to take my D back home with her.
I can understand your frustration. You took off work unpaid, and if she were going to cut out early, it's annoying that she didnt just take the day off so that you didnt have to.
That said, you noted that you didnt do this for W....you did this for D. You also mentioned that you were upset with her for not spending time with your D that doesnt feel well; so if your W had come to get her, then what would you have done instead - I assume it wouldnt have been "spend time with your sick daughter."
I can understand why you are angry. Im just trying to convey to you that the things you are angry about arent really your business anymore. You cant control your W's relationship with your daughter. Feel glad that you got to spend the day with your daughter - thats whats really important here.
Phoned my W earlier to see how our D5 was and just had a chat about her. I bit annoyed with myself as I wished my W a good trip and told her to stay safe, the words just fell out of my mouth. She said thank you but I don't know if this is going to seem like pursuing.
Yes. Unfortunately, normal M&W rules don't apply anymore. It's difficult to not be 'nice' - it is, after all, a normal reaction to a loved one. Unfortunately, that position is currently vacant. Put it down to experience. It's a long road ahead.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Phoned my W earlier to see how our D5 was and just had a chat about her. I bit annoyed with myself as I wished my W a good trip and told her to stay safe, the words just fell out of my mouth. She said thank you but I don't know if this is going to seem like pursuing.
To me, to us, I don't see this as pursuing as much as it says you're showing interest in her activities. To a WAS, it's probably seen as pursuing. Are you (yourself) interested in her life right now? Should you be? Or just how it plays a part in your D5 life?
Remember what I said about her selfishness motivating her? Everything is about her! Do not expect her to show you any consideration.....unless she has some ulterior motive in mind. If there's nothing in it for her, she's not interested and could care less how much trouble it causes someone else.
You will continue to see her put her desires before her own children's needs. You will continue to see her take advantage of you, unless you have some very effective boundaries in place.
My advice is to learn for this experience and don't use precious energy in fuming about her lack of maternal instincts. Think of how to handle the situation, should it arise again. I think you'll get another shot at it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you everyone for your comments. I will admit I still have a huge interest in my W life and want to know what she's doing and who she's doing it with all the time, probably why I'm so worried about her trip because I will have no way of knowing.
Like you say Sandi I full expect for this to happen again and I will be prepared for it. It's tough when it comes to the kids because if it's an opportunity to see them more then I'm always going to take if but I don't want to appear to be a push over to my W.
I don't know if this is going to seem like pursuing.
In my opinion, it is pursuing, but not really bad.
What stinks about it is more that you are approving of the behavior. As I said before, I think it's likely she's meeting an OM. If so, what kind of message are you sending by telling her to "have a good trip"?
