Finding myself and leaving my Wife to her MLC

[Irish M]

Always welcome here Job.

Glad you rang in actually. I tried to express the same point as you but mine lacked punch I guess. My STBXW had her quarter crisis way before our marriage. She was programmed as a crisis child and it was only time that MLC took her away.

I agree with your post 110%

Irish

[Cld]

Irish,

You are probably right, being married might be a MLC trigger only in some instances.
Are you the one who is filing for the divorce?
I would definitely not do that if I were you.
Your wife will come back, just give her time and space. Don't lose hope.

[Irish M]

Claudio
I appreciate your input. I'm not sure you read my entire sitch. If you had I dont think you would make your comment as not to divorce.

I've been at this for a year now. I read every possible stitch there is.

This is also my 2nd time at this with her.

Marriage is all but a piece of paper.

If she wakes up and they sometimes don't... I will see where I am.

This forum is for me to find me. Not cater to MLC needs and sit a wait. If it happens to work out and we find each other again it will be a new relationship.

Please read all of the persons sitch before you make a judgement call or suggestion. You are new here and I've read your sitch. I really hope it works out for you.

If your W did half the damage mine did you would not be telling me to wait for her.

Wish you well

Irish

[Irish M]

Also the marriage isn't the trigger

Death of a friend or family member, illness, external influence, job loss or dead end carreer Ect
Are all triggers

Never once have i heard a marriage is a trigger. Please verify your facts before posting that here

[Cld]

Irish,

You are right.
I don't know your whole situation and I am sure that she has done a lot of damage and getting divorced is ok especially if she agrees to that.
Having said that, don't give up on her after the divorce is finalized.
You know that she has a temporary mental illness, and she will come back to you.
You will never give up on your daughters, no matter how much pain, troubles, disrespect and damage they give you. Why would you give up on their mother?

[Sotto]

"Having said that, don't give up on her after the divorce is finalized.
You know that she has a temporary mental illness, and she will come back to you."

I don't think any of us really know what is going on with our spouses. Are they going through MLC, infatuation, mental health problems. Time can bring greater insight as we see well worn paths being trodden again.

It's up to each of us how long we choose to stand. Some people choose to stop doing so before D, some after. Some continue to stand for a good while after D. It's a highly personal decision and each of us will make it in our own time. For me the D finalising has helped me close the door and I feel at peace with that and ready to move forward some more.

I would caution anyone about believing their WAS will get though a temporary mental illness and return to them. Who knows how things may unfold? Some WAS's do return within the shorter term. Others have regrets years later. Others seem to have moved happily onto a new life and if they do have regrets, we don't hear about them. Every situation is different.

Irish, I just believe we all need to do what feels to be the right thing from the best part of ourselves. And I think if we work on that basis, we won't go too far wrong.

Xx

[job]

Sotto,
Your posting is an excellent one. I want to add one more thing...this is no guarantee that your spouse/former spouse will wake up and be the same person that went into MLC. Some come out the same, but more settled; others tend to keep some of the MLC traits that they had during the crisis and others just remain stuck. Some want to come back and try to reconcile and others don't. Some will do the necessary hard work and others will say it's too much water under the bridge and drive off into the sunset. Some regret what they've done and lost and others just sweep it under the rug and continue on.

The bottom line is this...no one can predict what will happen in your situation. No one can predict whether your MLCing spouse will wake up and want to return to the marriage. That's why it's important that we live our lives to the fullest, as if they aren't coming back. Ultimately, at the end of the day, you, the LBS will make the decision as to whether you wait, move on, reconcile, etc.

Irish, I think you are handling your situation very well and are a wonderful father and role model for your children. Continue moving forward. You've got this!

[Cld]

Guys,
I just want to add this, maybe because I am an entrepreneur and my mindset is different.
Look at Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Mark Cuban, and many others successful entrepreneurs. They faced huge challenges in their lives and the cards were stacked against them several times. They never gave up, they kept pushing, they didn't start something new, and that's why they succeeded.
I see way too many men find a girlfriend here in the US after their wives file for divorce. That's not what I want to do. I am never going to give up. I am not going to pursue my spouse because she needs space now but I will wait for her until the end because I love her and we have a beautiful family with two healthy children. Maybe her MLC is just a test on me too see how I react, nature is not stupid and there is a reason why this is happening to you.
Hugs everyone.

[bttrfly]

Hi Irish
thanks for checking on me - will post in a bit in my thread.
Just want to say here that you're an amazing person and a wonderful father. You know your situation better than anyone, and have been nothing but clear-eyed about this entire mess known as MLC. False hope is no one's friend. Pragmatism is the best way to go, I think. You've got your priorities straight - your girls and your own happiness. You have detached and are doing what you need to do to protect yourself and your children. I admire you quite a lot my friend.
xoxoxo

[Irish M]

I would caution anyone about believing their WAS will get though a temporary mental illness and return to them. Who knows how things may unfold? Some WAS's do return within the shorter term. Others have regrets years later. Others seem to have moved happily onto a new life and if they do have regrets, we don't hear about them. Every situation is different.

The bottom line is this...no one can predict what will happen in your situation. No one can predict whether your MLCing spouse will wake up and want to return to the marriage. That's why it's important that we live our lives to the fullest, as if they aren't coming back. Ultimately, at the end of the day, you, the LBS will make the decision as to whether you wait, move on, reconcile, etc.

Hi Sotto and Job (xox and hugs) , exactly my thoughts. My STBXW has 4 members of her family that MLC or mental illness, breakdown, depression bipolar has hit.

-1- her aunt - who has a love child, whose own daughter is raising since her mom is stuck in thinking she is eternally young with plastic surgery and dressing like a teen.

-2- STBXW mom (MIL). who had a similar crisis when she was in her late 30's and tore her family apart and she neglected her kids. She was a fun person with love and joy as per SIL before her crisis. After she came out of her crisis she was bitter, serious, career driven and narcissistic. Always said she did what she had to do. She is a huge enabler of my STBXW from leaving her family to find herself.

-3- STBXW cousin. She wasn't invited to the wedding because her family thinks she is nuts. Bipolar in a huge way.

-4- SIL . told me she went through a crisis but since she is a nurse her coworkers saw she was off, Got her hormones checked, medicated and rode it through. Her Facebook is still covered with selfies of her trying to look young. So i presume the aging reality isn't a part of her acceptance. At least she didn't tear her family apart. She also told me she knew this crisis was coming but did nothing to stop it or even warn me..thanks a lot SIL

I agree with both of you, no one knows what the outcome of my STBXW or any other MLC'r will be. As for my ML'r , i'll decide when or if that time comes.

I know right now I'm enjoying my life, i'm a lucky guy that my girls are doing well. Both graduated their high school years and are moving on to the next level. Neither one has any signs of depression.

Once in a while the girls will say a negative comment about their mom due to memories that arise. I remind them each time their mom is not well. They are tired of me saying that but I hope it plants seeds in their heart so the day, if it comes, that STBXW tries with every part of her heart and soul to reconnect with them, it will be possible :-)


bttrfly xox , thanks for dropping by. Your comments warms my heart. I can only do my best for my girls and myself. We didn't ask for this so we can't sit back and be angry or sad at STBXW. We just decided that she left. We are still a family and we will survive.


hugs

Irish