JimKao is right. Details from an incident that you are already aware of do not need to be dredged up. Acknowledge your feelings and emotions and proceed with what you know is the the correct principles for who you are.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I know, it's just painful, but to reconcile I need to moved forward, she is remorseful and is ashamed by her own behaviour!
Each day is a challenge, but at least I have a chance to work on my M.
Great attitude. Two things: 1: When I blew up at WW the other day, I asked if she were remorseful about 4 different ways. The closest I got to "will you forgive me" is you have every right to be upset, and I'm sorry for how things turned out. Nearly worthless statements. Fog still strong. 2: If and when I ever get the chance to piece my marriage back together, one thing that would kill any chance is if she goes into details of what she did. I know enough. Adultery is the worst thing you can do against a person and family. If she is genuinely remorseful, knows how much she hurt you and the family, and is asking forgiveness, you have to respect that if you want to move forward. One of the reasons, so far, WW is scared to do anything towards coming back is the fear that every argument would end with me getting livid and using A as a weapon. Looking backwards won't help, it will only hurt you both.
Keep going!! If you love her and want to rebuild your marriage, you can do it!
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
When reconciliation is being considered, I would tell the H to look for an essential ingredient in his WW...............which is humility.
Pride can be a terrible thing, and it can cause a WW to cling to a haughty attitude with her H. If she feels remorse, then I believe you would be able to see outward signs of humility. Without her humility, reconciliation is extremely difficult. In fact, I don't see how it could be completely successful. The pride and lack of humility will cause a WW to hang on to those old resentments and continue to blame the H for her unhappiness........and pretty much everything else.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
When reconciliation is being considered, I would tell the H to look for an essential ingredient in his WW...............which is humility.
Pride can be a terrible thing, and it can cause a WW to cling to a haughty attitude with her H. If she feels remorse, then I believe you would be able to see outward signs of humility. Without her humility, reconciliation is extremely difficult. In fact, I don't see how it could be completely successful. The pride and lack of humility will cause a WW to hang on to those old resentments and continue to blame the H for her unhappiness........and pretty much everything else.
She is displaying humility, she has a very low opinion of herself and her actions that have brought her to this point, she talk openly about having lost herself, belief and values and takes full responsibility for her actions!
She seems low and sad, which is hard for me to watch, she is open to talk about everything at anytime, and has asked me to not bottle thing up, to talk when I need too!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
This weekend was positive we sent quality time together, did some nice things! The hardest part is to try and not discuss what happens all the time as it seems to drag us both back into a dark place! I know we need to talk but I'm not sure how to make it work for us to heal! Any ideas would be good to how and when to deal with things!
We had a conversation about sex, we both have concerns, mine being from being insecure, and her about me resenting her and not wanting her due her being in her word tarnished's! Not sure how to deal with this in away that makes it a positive rather than a negative!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
In the bed this morning, looking at W and thinking how can someone I love so much and is so beautiful, hurt me so much!
Life is so difficult at the moment trying to move forward, W trying to both be positive, W said she feels so positive and good this morning, and want me to be positive too, I told her I'm fragile, need to time!
Scares me that my negative pushes her away and make me too needy!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
I'm finding it hard to live in the day, rather then thinking about, next week, next month or 3 years time!
Normally is something people take for granted, to crave it is strange!
We are doing ok, thing are ok, there are dark places and times! Deciding how and when to discuss what happened is difficult, finding a good MC who is pro marriage is provide difficult and is something we need to help us as a couple and as individuals!
I am reframing the fear of investing time into something that may not work, by realising that there are no guarantees in any relationship or anything in life!
Trust is an issue, as ultimately you can't watch someone 24/7, it there is a will there will always be a way, you have to allow someone the choice to hurt you again, which is scary in its self!
Me: 40 W: 36 T21 M17 S12 D10 D10 ILYBNILWY EA happened. PA happened. June 2016 trying to piece our M and life's back together...
Blueboy. I want to let you know that I've been keeping my word and praying for you daily. I will continue to do so.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
